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Thread: Mega League Freeze Tag World Final

  1. #1

    Mega League Freeze Tag World Final

    Was gonna post this on the sports board, but figured I’d get some flack (even though Mega League Freeze Tag is way more of a sport than golf). Anyway the World Finals kicks off this weekend in San Salvador and it should be really interesting. So competitive that I haven’t nailed down my pick yet, but here are some of my favorites:

    Bug-Eye Boses Loredo- Defending champion. Still the most consistent man in the business.

    Tumbler McGee- 3-time World Backflipping Champion tries to make his venture into MLFT.

    Grassfed Gil Driscol- Largest man in the field at 6’9, 398 lbs. Only man to ever kill someone in a sanctioned MLFT event, and he’s done it 17 times.

    Nibbles Charlton- Polar opposite of Grassfed Gil, the smallest man in the field at 2’8 67 lbs. First man to bring "hide and seek" strategy into MLFT and it’s been a huge success as he’s locked down 4Tylenol Cups, but has yet to win the big one.

    Charles “Stay Still” Stanton- Paralyzed and blind, his 14 wins worldwide since 2002 prove that you can’t spell Mega League Freeze Tag without the “Freeze”.

    Ludwig Liechtenstein- The finesse European game has yet to produce a World Champion, but his shocking 3rd place finish last year proved it’s catching up.

    Interested to hear who other people like this weekend. I won’t say how much I’m gonna bet, but let’s just say too much lol, so I want to look at this from every angle I can. Obviously, the smart money is probably on Bug-Eye, but the thing is no one has ever repeated. Is he better than all time greats like Geronimo Chan or Ding Dong Garcia?... Because back to back world titles would put him right at the top of the heap. Also, 14 female competitors this year, the most ever, so maybe the glass ceiling finally gets broken this year, though I just don't see it happening.

  2. #2
    Interesting rumors floating around that the Disaster Twins (Tomo and Yoshii Okazuna) are feuding right now. They've been slumping as a duo of late, so on their own, you'd have to think they'd be a complete non-factor. But that could bode really well for the Native American husband and wife tandem of See Through Goat and Treetop Chickpea, who are the natural rivals of the Disaster Twins. If they are able to get a clean break off the starting bullhorn without the menace of the Okazuna's lurking near them, they are gonna be a handful. Could be bad news for the solo players.

    In other news, Boris Yukurev, who came out in January as the first transgender freeze tagger, has handled himself with class in the face of some real ugliness in San Salvador. As freeze tag's origins date all the way back to an Antartican game that ended by boiling the bodies of the losing participants and sacrificing them to the Yeti overlords of the Arctic, it is not the most progressive of sporting communities. I really hate to see our game tarnished by the protests of a vocal minority, but when we take a sport from neanderthals, can we really be surprised to find neanderthals still surrounding it?

  3. #3

  4. #4
    chrispaul3, did you read about that retired great who got the champions exemption to come compete in honor of his son? I forgot his name, but his son died in the magma arena in the south pacific (use your imagination, it still isn't as horrific).

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Hello View Post
    chrispaul3, did you read about that retired great who got the champions exemption to come compete in honor of his son? I forgot his name, but his son died in the magma arena in the south pacific (use your imagination, it still isn't as horrific).
    Yes, terrible story. Gustavo "Gunsmoke" Rodriguez lost his son Gustavo "lil' Puff" Rodriguez jr. about 6 months ago. A day so tragic, even Grassfed Gil shed a tear, and he had just crushed a guy's femur with a power punch dead leg. They granted 2 exemptions this year, 1 to Gunsmoke, as you mentioned, and the other was a clothing exemption granted to Boris Yukurev, who will be able to wear his tube top over the normal freeze tag chest armor.

  6. #6
    Wow. Minor riot incited in San Salvador. Looks like fans of rivals Brutus "The Bone Collector" Johansson and Morris "The Swede" Finn got into a brawl outside the famous nightclub "Los Ojos del Sombrero Azul". The Swede has been taunting the Bone Collector the past few months after he froze him at the last second to win the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix of Freeze Tag, but their rivalry is nothing new. They grew up together and were groomed by legendary freeze master Sluggy Wellingham, but The Swede and The Bone Collector had eyes for the same hazel eyed prize. Long story short, she chose The Swede, and without getting too graphic, the Bone Collector reacted by living up to his nickname. Though the woman's body was never found, her pinky can be plainly seen on Brutus's homemade necklace any time he enters an arena. Luckily for him, Sluggy's Everglades training grounds are nestled so deep in the swamplands that laws don't apply (btw it's no wonder they fought over a girl, there are so few around that most of Sluggy's proteges end up raping alligators). The Swede, an apparent foot fetishist, commemorates his long lost love by fighting barefoot with brass toe knuckles, spraying out swift kick concussions like a goose sprays shit on a bird watching convention.

  7. #7
    I think we're at least five years away from a woman claiming the championship, and probably closer to ten. Right now, the women's game is like WBB in the 80's and 90's. Yeah, you've got top tier talent coming out of Eastern Europe like Svetlana Bolshenka and Ludmilla Vonkarlov but there is a huge drop off to the next level after the top three or four. That hurts them since a number of the preliminary tournaments are still segregated into men's and women's divisions. Bolshenka did take the Pardubice Invitational this year, but that's a mid-grade tournament at best and she only got in due to a sponsor's exemption. Until the women have to face tough competition every time out, they won't be ready for the big show.

    Also, don't count out the Okazunas yet. They've had these spats before, but always bring it together when it counts. If they can get off to a decent start, I expect them to be a factor late this weekend.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by redwing42 View Post
    I think we're at least five years away from a woman claiming the championship, and probably closer to ten. Right now, the women's game is like WBB in the 80's and 90's. Yeah, you've got top tier talent coming out of Eastern Europe like Svetlana Bolshenka and Ludmilla Vonkarlov but there is a huge drop off to the next level after the top three or four. That hurts them since a number of the preliminary tournaments are still segregated into men's and women's divisions. Bolshenka did take the Pardubice Invitational this year, but that's a mid-grade tournament at best and she only got in due to a sponsor's exemption. Until the women have to face tough competition every time out, they won't be ready for the big show.

    Also, don't count out the Okazunas yet. They've had these spats before, but always bring it together when it counts. If they can get off to a decent start, I expect them to be a factor late this weekend.
    Not sure if you've seen Bolshenka up close, but let's just say I'd rather fuck Boris Yukurev. Agree with your point though, the women's game is pretty far away from the men's game. I'll always remember the 2007 World Finals in Sarajevo when Loralita Valdez came in as the South American Rookie of the Year, getting all the press (more for her natural assets than her freeze tag assets, if you ask me, but that's another discussion), and 34 seconds after the bullhorn, "Stay Still" Stanton set a trap and Grassfed Gil bulldozed her. Reminded me of my underground mixed-species animal deathmatch days where I once saw a rhino fight a flamingo. Only difference is Loralita escaped with a smashed pelvis and no more child bearing years, instead of being a pile of guts with pink feathers fluttering around it.
    Last edited by ChrisPaul3; 05-04-2012 at 06:39 PM.

  9. #9
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    I was listening to Salvadoran public radio today. Apparently, Stay Still has been training in a small town due west of San Salvador called Candelaria. Candelaria is on the shores of Lago de Llopango. He wanted to further hone his cardiovascular system by swimming in the crystal clear waters. I'm not sure how he does this, as he is paralyzed and blind, but I digress.

    The lake is home to the dreaded sand tiger algae shark. There is a particularly fierce specimen that has become renowned for it's penchant for biting off the toes/feet of it's victims. It is know as la bestia de las siete hermanas because it bit off 25 toes and 3 feet from a group of nuns who were bathing in the water. Needless to say, Stay Still wouldn't heed the warnings of the townsfolk and went in to start his strict training regimen. Before you know it, the beast had taken off all 10 of his toes and a good portion of his left foot. Of course, he didn't feel this and only noticed a slight tingling.

    You have to think that this is going to hurt his chances for another title.



    You can just see Stay Still in the distance.

  10. #10
    lolwtfbbq

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by Toogs View Post
    lolwtfbbq
    No. Actually he pulled out last minute due to a strained hamstring. You really hate to see an up-and-comer like that go down after the heartache in Lesotho

  12. #12
    Is anyone getting the HD upgrade on PPV, or are you all sticking with the SD version. It's tough to put down that extra $50, but it's got to be worth it. At least you get the multiview channel along with it, so that adds a bit more value. I'd offer to have people over to watch it, but I've got to go down to my parents' house to see it. It is a DISH exclusive, after all.

  13. #13
    If you aren't watching Cotton McKnight and Pepper Brooks calling this classic in HD, you might as well not be watching it.

    Whoever posted the horses for courses tag is very wise. That's all I am going to say.

  14. #14
    I had never heard of MLFT until I was traveling through SE Asia last year. Met a group of Australians who were headed to Phnom Penh for the finals. Went along with them in what turned out to be the most epic sporting event I've ever seen. 80,000 Cambodians packed into Olympic Stadium. They started calling it the "Real Killing Field" after the final whistle.

    One of the Australians in the group was so overwhelmed with Bug Eye Loredo's performance that he called his job that night and quit. He said he wanted to devote himself completely to the sport. Unfortunately, he drowned in his own vomit the next morning. At least he died happy.

    The Salvadorians are really getting into the event, love to see that passion.


  15. #15
    ChrisPaul3 - What are your thoughts on the renewed push for drug testing in the sport? Rumor has it that the commissioner's office is pushing for an amendment to the rules that would disqualify and indefinitely suspend anyone caught with less than three performance enhancing substances in their blood. As you recall, this vague definition of "performance enhancing" has previously led to riots by fans of Homer "FlatHead Hemi" Jones who tested positive for PCP, LSD and Motor Oil. He was disqualified under the presumption that Motor Oil was not a performance enhancing substance. He appealed and won, throwing the current drug testing regime into chaos.

  16. #16
    When will the MLFT finally step up and acknowledge the dangers inherent in standing frozen in place for long periods of time? Personally, I think their hand has been forced by the recent rash of suicides by former MLFT greats who suffered from crippling cases of arthritis of the elbows and knees. When you have respected Hall of Famers like String Bean Jerry Jackson and Marvelous Mervin Von Stauffenberg succumbing to their debilitating conditions and taking their own lives by drowning themselves in their own jacuzzi hot tubs, so as to preserve their inflamed joints for further scientific study, something has to give.

  17. #17
    Not to mention the "bounty program" where Jesus "The Raving Mexican" Gonzalez admitted that he was being paid by his sponsors for freezing players in awkward positions that would be more likely to cause degenerative knee problems. I am glad that the powers that be came down hard with the proper suspensions and that we won't be hearing about Gonzalez at this year's finals. There really needs to be some soul searching about safety concerns or it is going to threaten the future of the game.
    Last edited by ChrisL68; 05-05-2012 at 11:04 AM.

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisPaul3 View Post
    Yes, terrible story. Gustavo "Gunsmoke" Rodriguez lost his son Gustavo "lil' Puff" Rodriguez jr. about 6 months ago. A day so tragic, even Grassfed Gil shed a tear, and he had just crushed a guy's femur with a power punch dead leg. They granted 2 exemptions this year, 1 to Gunsmoke, as you mentioned, and the other was a clothing exemption granted to Boris Yukurev, who will be able to wear his tube top over the normal freeze tag chest armor.
    I think we all remember what happened in 1983. Brilliant performance. Maybe he can gather up a little of that tag magic and do his son proud.

    Or get clotheslined by Gil and then get his chest crushed in. I'll still watch.

  19. #19
    What I'm most interested to see is whether Sook Hee Poot, the pride of the Jeju Province, can successfully make the transition from flashlight tag to freeze tag. Sure, he has the agility and endurance necessary to become a champion, but does he have the closing speed necessary to apply the physical tag, as opposed to simply striking his opponent from afar with a beam of light? Should be fascinating.

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by ibleedgoldandblack View Post
    ChrisPaul3 - What are your thoughts on the renewed push for drug testing in the sport? Rumor has it that the commissioner's office is pushing for an amendment to the rules that would disqualify and indefinitely suspend anyone caught with less than three performance enhancing substances in their blood. As you recall, this vague definition of "performance enhancing" has previously led to riots by fans of Homer "FlatHead Hemi" Jones who tested positive for PCP, LSD and Motor Oil. He was disqualified under the presumption that Motor Oil was not a performance enhancing substance. He appealed and won, throwing the current drug testing regime into chaos.
    I actually get upset whenever I hear people mock the drug policies of MLFT. I can remember back in 1995 when my cratchety old grandpa was still buggering around, he was outraged at Lionel Krackenhammer’s 11,190 freezes in one calendar year, which shattered Dynamite Dewey Paulson’s legendary 1931 world record. Grandpa screamed and screamed that it couldn’t be legit.

    And you know what? He was proven right when Krackenhammer tested positive for both Bald Eagle Meat and Porcupine Semen, a performance enhancing combination so old that it was used by Sitting Bull’s army at the Battle of Little Big Horn. Of course, it was thought to be laying dormant in the MLFT consciousness after it caused Ulysses McBrewster’s heart to explode during a Freeze Tag exhibition at the 1901 World’s Fair, a shocking event that created the chaos which eventually culminated in the assassination of William McKinley.

    But upon Krackenhammer’s positive test and admission of guilt, when everyone feared that the reintroduction of BEM and Quill Spill into MLFT would once again lead to the downward spiral of humanity, Commissioner Stoneballs O’Meltingberry delivered one of the great addresses of all time, short and sweet, he said: “Who here has chased an eagle to the top of a mountain, and has felt the talons of the startled beast dig deep into your flesh as you choked it to death? Who here has felt the gutwrenching emotional indignity and sharp hand pain of bringing a porcupine to ecstasy? Who here has inhaled a meal that hits your insides with more power and fury than the bomb Truman sent to Hiroshima? And who here would do all that in the name of nothing more than glory? PED’s are not a cheater’s shortcut. PED’s are a hero’s sacrifice.”

    Not a month later, my grandfather, so moved by that speech, met his end right where he wanted to be: at the business end of a porcupine cock.

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