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The Pit Parenting Thread

deaconson said:
people really can't wait for a full trimester? even my wife who has a really close relationship with her family did not cave.
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I don't really consider it "caving" since we would have wanted the small group of people we told "in our corner" should something have happened that early. It was an excitement thing, but also a "we want this small group of people to know should anything go wrong" thing. The other folks only found out after the doctor cleared us and told us that, based on what he had seen, the risk was the same at that visit as it would be after the official end of the first trimester.

It was also hard to not tell some people because my wife was throwing up at work and had stopped drinking at their happy hours or when we had friends over for dinner.
 
Everybody has their own situations. It's hard to say what one couple should do versus another.

With our first we told a few people very early and then went silent. My wife was finishing up her PhD and looking for jobs at the same university. So she didn't tell her colleagues so word wouldn't get out to potential employers. She ended up with a very good job, but ended up on bed rest about a month after starting it. She was able to negotiate working from home and was very productive.

Another thing about telling people early is that it really affirms friendships. A friend told me and a few others early and then had to let me know a few weeks later that they lost the baby. It showed how strong our friendship was and gave me an opportunity to be supportive.
 
HailToTheDeacons said:
~10 weeks. We were more conservative than most, but by waiting we were also able to tell our families in person during Christmas.
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Well, 10 weeks for family and a few friends, it was later for gen public. We hid it from everyone through Thanksgiving (httd got to drink all of my drinks) and then told in person at a Christmas.
 
PhDeac said:
Everybody has their own situations. It's hard to say what one couple should do versus another.

With our first we told a few people very early and then went silent. My wife was finishing up her PhD and looking for jobs at the same university. So she didn't tell her colleagues so word wouldn't get out to potential employers. She ended up with a very good job, but ended up on bed rest about a month after starting it. She was able to negotiate working from home and was very productive.

Another thing about telling people early is that it really affirms friendships. A friend told me and a few others early and then had to let me know a few weeks later that they lost the baby. It showed how strong our friendship was and gave me an opportunity to be supportive.
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It really is what you feel most comfortable with. A few years ago we were waiting till end of first trimester to make an official announcement just to make sure all was a go, but decided to tell our parents & siblings when we saw them at Christmas, which was just past the 9 week mark. Probably the hardest thing to do is to say the words, "We lost the babies" after you just broke the news about the pregnancy a week or two earlier. :(
 
06deacon said:
We had timing pretty similar to this, for the reason Ph mentioned.
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yeah, and as a recipient of that news SO EARLY in the game, it was both exciting and nerve-wracking... ultimately, I'm glad I knew and definitely would have wanted to know in the even of something going awry.
For as common as miscarriages are, they are still so secret... and that's just not something a woman/family should have to manage on their own. It's a loss, and I would expect you'd want your family to be able to comfort you (and likewise, your family would want to be able to comfort you).
Clearly you do what is right for you, but this will play into our future decisions in telling folks (many, many years from now, if we have kids).
 
lbE08 said:
yeah, and as a recipient of that news SO EARLY in the game, it was both exciting and nerve-wracking... ultimately, I'm glad I knew and definitely would have wanted to know in the even of something going awry.
For as common as miscarriages are, they are still so secret... and that's just not something a woman/family should have to manage on their own. It's a loss, and I would expect you'd want your family to be able to comfort you (and likewise, your family would want to be able to comfort you).
Clearly you do what is right for you, but this will play into our future decisions in telling folks (many, many years from now, if we have kids).
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Agree that miscarriages are tough (not speaking from personal experience), and I really push for that loss to be named and grieving in my profession (there is even a short prayer/service that we can use, though most people don't know about it or ask for it).

That being said, there was something bonding/cool about having this awesome secret with my wife for the first 8 weeks or so. Then we told family, then went public with it (in my profession, a letter to the parish; FB; friends) at around 11 weeks.
 
PhDeac said:
Everybody has their own situations. It's hard to say what one couple should do versus another.

With our first we told a few people very early and then went silent. My wife was finishing up her PhD and looking for jobs at the same university. So she didn't tell her colleagues so word wouldn't get out to potential employers. She ended up with a very good job, but ended up on bed rest about a month after starting it. She was able to negotiate working from home and was very productive.

Another thing about telling people early is that it really affirms friendships. A friend told me and a few others early and then had to let me know a few weeks later that they lost the baby. It showed how strong our friendship was and gave me an opportunity to be supportive.
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Well we know one person who would not have hired your wife.
 
Our general rule was that we could each tell one person right away for the reason mentioned, support in case of any early problems. Wife told her best friend, I told nobody. After that, we waited until the first sonogram at about 10 or so weeks, since once you see the baby properly developing and moving around and shit, the possibilities for miscarriage go WAY down. And with my wife in the medical field, she had to let people know fairly early on so that she wasn't scheduled for rooms with x-ray stuff, so we just had to hope they didn't spill the beans to other people.

I mean, whatever floats people's boats, but I've known people who told the world right after they pee on a stick. I'd be pretty uncomfortable with that. On the other end, my sister in law is telling her family at the end of February that she is due in early June. It seems like it would be difficult to keep it a secret that long.

ETA: The wife is probably going to give birth to our 3rd in the next 2 weeks. Somebody hold me.
 
BiffTannen said:
I love that I got a rep from someone without kids telling me that the market for babysitters in Salisbury is really tight and that surge pricing for the wealthy is $20 to $25 per hour.
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leftcoastdeac said:
Sounds like something Wakegal would rep to a person.
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I may not have kids but i know the market. If it's a night with a gala event good luck finding a babysitter and they aren't cheap. Everyone wants the same high school and college students to babysit.

I used to see group emails of parents looking for babysitters for those nights. It was insane the money the kids raked in.
 
RevDeac06 said:
That being said, there was something bonding/cool about having this awesome secret with my wife for the first 8 weeks or so. Then we told family, then went public with it (in my profession, a letter to the parish; FB; friends) at around 11 weeks.
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This became an unanticipated consequence of our delay in telling people. It was a really emotionally bonding time for us.
 
BiffTannen said:
Yeah, I guess you can always take in a matinee of an R rated movie, get the early bird special at the local fish camp with the blue hairs, and skip the party that your friends are having, so you'll be home in time to suck down beers on the couch while you catch up on your DVR.
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i'm glad you get this.
 
looking into registry/outfitting my place stuff now. Anything in particular I should be looking for when it comes to shopping for cribs/changing tables?
 
BostonDeac said:
looking into registry/outfitting my place stuff now. Anything in particular I should be looking for when it comes to shopping for cribs/changing tables?
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Highly recommend not getting a separate changing table. Put a changing pad on top of a dresser (or get a combo dresser/changer).
 
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