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Three Days in New Orleans

Good news dudes! I talked to my neighbor (he doesn't really live near me but I see him in the alley nearby a lot and we've talked a bunch of times and once I saw him with a really small jaguar he was trying to sell so we became quick friends) anywho, he knows some of the chicks that work at the local hotel (we can call it a strip club or a brothel but the sign says Paris Hotel) and he basically said we are, shall we say, good to go with the señoritas for the ole bachelor soirée. These are good looking chicks too, not donkey show chicks. Although we have that too and it's not as cliche or gross as you probably think. One of the main donkey ladies also works on a landscaping crew you see in the nice hoods and she's a really hard worker.
 
also, probably too short notice to get a reservation, but no Commander's Palace rec?
 
RJKarl said:
We went to Brennan’s to have lunch/brunch. We stayed there way too long leaving about 1AM. As we walked down Bourbon Street, staggered would be more accurate, a guy was screaming, “Anyone got Super Bowl tickets?”

I said, “We do.”

“He said I’ll give $1000 apiece for them.”

I had never said they were for sale only that we had them.

“Wow. A couple friends of ours aren’t going to make it to the game.”

Out of the darkness came another guy, “You and you, you’re under arrest. Give us the tickets.”

They flashed badges, took our tickets and hand-cuffed Greg and I. Moshe started giving them shit. They gave him a ticket for interfering with a police office. Then they put us in the back seat of their police car and told Moshe and Betty where they were taking us.

As we went there one cop said, “Don’t worry. We’ll take your tickets and charge you with scalping. You lose the tickets, but it’s only a $50 fine.”

The other cop said. ”Y’all can pay the fine and be on your way after processing.”

What fucking liars these two were. We got to the station, were fingerprinted, had mug shots taken and were taken to jail.

As we were about to be put in the holding cell, we asked the booking guy what our bail was. “You two have $5000 cash bond because you are from out of state.”

I was stunned. “The officers told us it would be $50.”

“It would have been for scalping. They charged you with conspiracy to commit scalping. That could mean Angola.”

Holy fucking shit! What the fuck was this. They put us in the holding cell. There was one pay phone in there for all of us. I waited my turn and called my lawyer back in Jersey.

“I’m in jail.”

“Don’t worry. I can get you out in any one of the forty-nine states. Where are you?”

“What do you mean forty-nine states? Was there a tsunami in Hawaii while we were drinking today?”

“Louisiana doesn’t count. They have Napoleonic Law. Where are you?”

“New Orleans.”

“Shit. Try to be safe. I’ll see what I can do.”

That was easy for him to say. He was lying in bed with his beautiful wife. Sitting next to me was a guy who shot someone in the head over a $5 drug deal. Sitting next to Greg was a guy who was charged with kidnapping and rape. It wasn’t very difficult not to fall asleep that night in the holding cell.

Angola, we could be sent to the worst state prison in America for thinking about selling Super Bowl tickets. What kind of place were we in?

Soon we were being taken up to the see the Magistrate. As they strip searched us, the jailer handed the New Orleans Times-Picayune. “You might like Page 3.”

I almost shit on the floor. It was all about us. California pair comes to New Orleans to sell Super Bowl for $1000 on Bourbon Street. We were so fucked. How could this be happening to me? I wanted to kill Greg right that minute.

I was handcuffed to the drug guy in the court. Moshe and Betty were in the gallery. We could see the judge, DA and bailiff all looking at the paper. They were chuckling and pointing at us. That wasn’t a good sign.

All of a sudden a short, light-skinned, black man comes running into the courtroom. He waves at the DA and judge. They smile at him. He walks over to the holding area.

“Who is Rick?”

“I am.”

“I’m your lawyer. Do you have $100?”

“Not really. I was in jail all night. My friends over there should.”

“OK, I’ll take care of everything.”

Moshe gave him some money. He went over to talk to the DA and judge. They motioned to the jailer. He unhooked Greg and I and told us we could go.

I was more confused than I had ever been during this entire odyssey as we all left the courtroom. As the door hit my butt I stopped. “First are we OK.”

The lawyer was holding hands with his girlfriend. “Everything is fine.”

“Since we’re in New Orleans, please excuse my French, but I’ve been in jail and handcuffed to a guy who shot someone over a $5 drug deal. Who the hell are you? How the hell did you get here to help us? Not that I’m complaining.”

“My cousin was your lawyer’s roommate in law school. I got a call at 3AM that you might be on your way to Angola. I didn’t think that was a good place for you. So here I am.”

Thank you. What should I call you?”

“Morial.”

“As in Dutch Morial, the mayor?”

“I think I might know him.” He said with a smile.

“How much do we owe you?”

“How about lunch for my lady and myself?”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”
Click to expand...

http://www.ogboards.com/forums/show...To-Jail-Prison?p=266573&viewfull=1#post266573
 
RubbinsRacin said:
Good news dudes! I talked to my neighbor (he doesn't really live near me but I see him in the alley nearby a lot and we've talked a bunch of times and once I saw him with a really small jaguar he was trying to sell so we became quick friends) anywho, he knows some of the chicks that work at the local hotel (we can call it a strip club or a brothel but the sign says Paris Hotel) and he basically said we are, shall we say, good to go with the señoritas for the ole bachelor soirée. These are good looking chicks too, not donkey show chicks. Although we have that too and it's not as cliche or gross as you probably think. One of the main donkey ladies also works on a landscaping crew you see in the nice hoods and she's a really hard worker.
Click to expand...

Cool. Handos by really calloused hands are the best.
 
You're ridiculous. Getting entrapped by a cop is not what you said.

Do you have a baseball bat or a telephone pole up your ass?
 
So at best, you are the easiest mark in NOLA.

And still, had you kept your mouth shut about your tickets, you woulda seen the Awesome Bowl.
 
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