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wedding party cost question

So when everybody was figuring out their budgets did you have a conversation with family about helping out or did they tell you? How does that work?
 
DeaconCav06 said:
So when everybody was figuring out their budgets did you have a conversation with family about helping out or did they tell you? How does that work?
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The bride's parents should realize that social convention suggests they pay for the wedding and reception and offer what they can afford or feel is reasonable and leave the rest to the couple. The bride should find some time to spend with her parents and if they don't offer up a budget number then I think she's well within her rights to inquire as to whether they plan to pay for any of it.

It might be worthwhile for her to have an idea of costs for what she has in mind beforehand.
 
As the father of a girl and a boy, I fully expect that I'll overspend on my daughter's wedding and then my son will marry some chick whose parents don't want to pay for anything.
 
BiffTannen said:
As the father of a girl and a boy, I fully expect that I'll overspend on my daughter's wedding and then my son will marry some chick whose parents don't want to pay for anything.
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My wife and I came to the same conclusion just a few days ago.
 
Another element is the rehearsal dinner. The groom's family traditionally pays for that.

I've seen several variations of who pays for what. A nephew of mine married a gal from the Midwest who's family were very light drinkers. My brother offered to pay for the alcohol available at the reception (more on this later). In another case, a very good friend of mine paid half of the cost of his son's reception due to the financial situation of the bride's father. Interestingly, the bride to be lived with her aunt and uncle (her mother died while the girl was in HS) and that family was absolutely loaded, but didn't offer to pay for any of the wedding costs. In my case, my wife's parents were divorced and my wife, as a toddler, was a prime subject in what was a very nasty divorce. Her mother had to scramble just to raise the kids while her father remarried and had little to do with his youngest daughter. I didn't even ask anyone on her side as I knew her mother couldn't help out and I frankly didn't want to talk to her father. My parents paid for the rehearsal dinner. My father originally offered to give me a substantial amount of money if we eloped.

Now, back to my nephew's reception. When I ordered my first drink, a gin & tonic, the bartender asked if I wanted Bombay or Bowmans gin. My brother was standing next to me, so I asked him whether he was paying by the individual drink or by head. He smiled and said "by head". I slipped the bartender $20 and told him everyone was drinking the better alcohol tonight. The bartender made a killing that night on tips from our side.
 
My fiancee and I are paying for the whole damn thing. This wedding thing is not cheap.
 
My folks paid for the rehearsal dinner and her dad picked up all the costs associated with our wedding and the reception we did a year later. I seem to recall having a conversation with my dad and getting a budget from him. She handled the conversation with her parents.
 
I was very lucky that my parents paid for the whole wedding and my husband's parents did the rehearsal dinner. My aunt actually hosted the bridesmaids' luncheon the day before. And I think my parents did the brunch on Sunday? I can't remember. We never really had a conversation because it was just known this is how it would work out.

My SIL's wedding worked out similarly with her parents covering the wedding and her husband's parents doing the rehearsal dinner. And my brother's wedding that is coming up in less than 2 weeks, his fiance's family is throwing the wedding, my parents are doing the rehearsal dinner, and my aunt and uncle are doing the brunch on Sunday. All pretty traditional.

As Biff said above, I think social convention is pretty clear on what is "typically" expected for each side. However, I fully realize that doesn't happen in many many situations depending on familial relations and finances.

Bottom line, it's best to just get everything straight up front about who is able to chip in where, and then you have your budget from the beginning and don't have to wonder and confront those issues later.
 
My wife originally had wanted to do a small destination wedding or elope, but was guilt tripped by her mother into having it in her hometown because my wife's grandparents (who were lived with and taken care of by my wife's parents) were close to the end of their life and couldn't travel. She was in her intern year of residency and I was in my first year of graduate school, so neither of us really wanted to spend a lot of time planning a wedding, so her mother offered to basically plan everything and pay for the majority of it. We chipped in, and my parents offered some as well (which basically was coordinated through me which was a headache). All in all, everything went great, it was like showing up for a huge party being thrown for us that other people planned. Very good decision to have it in her hometown because as it turned out that was the only grandchild's wedding my wife's grandparents were able to see before they passed. It was a particularly long reception so people were trashed. We left fairly early because we were traveling the next day for our honeymoon, but it was fun hearing all the stories of shenanigans everyone got up to after we were gone.
 
buckets said:
My fiancee and I are paying for the whole damn thing. This wedding thing is not cheap.
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say the word "wedding" and costs skyrocket for the same thing. get a dj for a 4 hour party and pay 400 bucks. mention wedding and it doubles.
 
I paid for Rehearsal and her parents paid for everything else wedding related including reception sans the alcohol. We went beer (kegs) and wine, plus we were in Athens. Everyone was quite happy and drunk, went out to bars apparently and painted town red after we left out.
 
A couple years ago I'd asked my mom what that situation was going to be; at that point, she and dad expected to pay for things.
 
We basically planned to do it ourselves and then when parents contributed, it was just a nice bonus.
 
My dad joked before I got engaged that his buddy jinxed him when we were kids because he offered to pay for 2 rehearsal dinners for my dad (3 sons) if he would take one wedding (3 daughters). My brother and I are both with girls whose families are not very involved.
 
What's the average wedding cost for just food and alcohol?

I'm finding that food is like $40+ per person and alcohol (just decent beer and wine) is like $25+ per person. For 150 person wedding, that's $9750 before you even have a venue, dress, decorations or anything else. Insane. Especially if 80% of your wedding guest will only have 1-2 drinks all night. Sigh.
 
TravelingDeacon said:
What's the average wedding cost for just food and alcohol?

I'm finding that food is like $40+ per person and alcohol (just decent beer and wine) is like $25+ per person. For 150 person wedding, that's $9750 before you even have a venue, dress, decorations or anything else. Insane. Especially if 80% of your wedding guest will only have 1-2 drinks all night. Sigh.
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Yeah that alchie number is high. See if you can't just buy some kegs (they up charge but still, spending $1k on kegs is better than paying $25 x 200).

Also, the Full Bar is totally not necessary unless you're having a wedding in the sticks
 
Go said:
Also, the Full Bar is totally not necessary unless you're having a wedding in the sticks
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Explain this to me like I'm an idiot because I don't quite get what you're trying to say and if you're saying what I think you are, I think most of us would disagree
 
TravelingDeacon said:
What's the average wedding cost for just food and alcohol?

I'm finding that food is like $40+ per person and alcohol (just decent beer and wine) is like $25+ per person. For 150 person wedding, that's $9750 before you even have a venue, dress, decorations or anything else. Insane. Especially if 80% of your wedding guest will only have 1-2 drinks all night. Sigh.
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have you asked about providing your own booze? we chose a caterer that allowed us to provide our own alcohol. We spent a few hundred bucks on liquor ($500??). also had beer and wine. the caterer had an ABC license to serve alcohol but since we supplied it we had to get our own insurance for the day (about $100). they provided the bar tenders and we paid 3 or 4 bucks a head for soft drinks/tea/coffee/mixers etc. we spent maybe 1/3 of what they would have charged for them to provide everything. we also had a bunch to take home and some of our close friends took some left overs back to the hotel after the wedding. the only downside was transportation to and from but my bro in law was happy to take care of that for us.
 
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