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wedding party cost question

EatLeadCommie said:
LOL at people being shocked at the idea of paying for their tuxedo rental. Bigger LOL at people expecting $250 gifts for being a groomsman. You'll get your monogrammed grooming kit and be happy or go take a hike. I mean, seriously guys, the people getting married are already spending a shitload on the wedding. Be happy you got an invitation and be doubly honored you were asked to be a part of the wedding party.
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i rarely agree with elc, but here's one case.
 
deacphan said:
give me a fucking break. the groomsman/bridesmaid gifts are so lame. such a waste of money. people are dropping tons of coin for the wedding. expecting a gift from a close friend or family member because you took part in their wedding is such bullshit.
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This is pure hypocrisy! Dont throw some baller ass wedding and make everyone spend a bunch of fucking money if you cant afford to buy something decent as a gift. The $250 thing was DCdeacs number, it doesnt need to be anywhere close to that.
 
Manifest Destiny said:
Im not shocked at the rental. I was just pointing out that the overall costs should be considered. No big deal shelling out money for a nice suite if the travel costs are low.
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Of course they should be, as should the overall cost to the people who are getting married. I know that I'm honored to be in the wedding party for any of my friends, and they're paying for the booze to make that time even more (or less, depending on how much is consumed) memorable on my end. Not only am I going to attend, but I'm going to incur the costs of a hotel and a tux rental AND get them something nice AND not expect something ridiculous in return for standing there in a suit for a 20 minute ceremony.
 
Manifest Destiny said:
This is pure hypocrisy! Dont throw some baller ass wedding and make everyone spend a bunch of fucking money if you cant afford to buy something decent as a gift. The $250 thing was DCdeacs number, it doesnt need to be anywhere close to that.
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in the same vein the gifts for attendees is more bs wedding party planners amping up the wedding industrial complex. no, i don't need another coozie or tshirt with your fucking names on it and a stupid slogan. waste of money. instead of that you should have opted for the liquor package that had more than jack daniels or coors light.
 
my response: talk to your bros. see what they prefer. then tell them youre going to do whatever the bride wants, but you'll pass along their feedback.
 
deacphan said:
in the same vein the gifts for attendees is more bs wedding party planners amping up the wedding industrial complex. no, i don't need another coozie or tshirt with your fucking names on it and a stupid slogan. waste of money. instead of that you should have opted for the liquor package that had more than jack daniels or coors light.
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I feel you. I honestly dont give a shit about the gifts but am more upset with the lack of consideration that goes into these weddings sometimes.
 
Manifest Destiny said:
I feel you. I honestly dont give a shit about the gifts but am more upset with the lack of consideration that goes into these weddings sometimes.
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i feel you on that.

i went to a black tie optional wedding that resulted in me dropping some coin to update my tux. i got there and there was a buffet with chicken fingers and an elvis impersonator. i was pissed as i assumed black tie optional meant i'd look like an out of place donk if i just wore a suit. there was a guy with a fishing shirt on.
 
Manifest Destiny said:
Leebs, i love you and your sense of honor. But conversely, isnt it just enough for the groom that we are there to be by his side? Why do I have to spend a fuck ton of money? And if I am going to, I would like a little token of appreciation.
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then say no :noidea: you know that's not how it works, so i'm not going to try and defend this.

the token of appreciation is the monster celebration and party your friends are putting on for their family and friends.
 
lbE08 said:
then say no :noidea: you know that's not how it works, so i'm not going to try and defend this.

the token of appreciation is the monster celebration and party your friends are putting on for their family and friends.
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You make good points. I had the most fun at the wedding I spent the most coin on. Did not getting a great gift ruin it for me? No. Would it have been nice? Of course.
 
Pressuring or expecting your best friends and extended family to shell out big bucks to attend your wedding is shitty IMO no matter how you spin it. Your wedding is your responsibility. Expecting someone to buy a 300 dress or suit and fly across the country is not asking a friend to bring beer to a party.
 
Is there that much difference between a $100+ rental and a $300 suit you get to keep?
 
My buddy's wedding was just bring your own tux as long as it met certain specs.

That was after a year in which I spent $500 on rentals despite owning my own tux.
 
myDeaconmyhand said:
Pressuring or expecting your best friends and extended family to shell out big bucks to attend your wedding is shitty IMO no matter how you spin it. Your wedding is your responsibility. Expecting someone to buy a 300 dress or suit and fly across the country is not asking a friend to bring beer to a party.
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That works if everybody you know lives within easy driving distance. Otherwise, any invitation to a wedding is going to incur travel/lodging costs. I didnt feel bad when my family and friends had to fly to my wedding from all over the country. Nor did I expect some form of extra gratitude when attending distant weddings, both as a member of the bridal party and normal guest. Attending them was important enough to pay. Some weren't and I didnt attend those. The truly shitty thing is choosing to attend/be a part of one of the most important days of your friend/family member's life and expecting some form of gift commensurate to cost of attendance.

As far as wedding party is concerned, wanting/expecting big gifts is kind of bullshit. It is your honor to be in the wedding party. Sometimes having friends is costly.

To the OP, go with them wearing similar suit (make sure if they want to use one they already own it looks newish) and providee the matching shirt/tie/accessories (not as part of the gift). As long as they all look similar, nobody is going to really notice or care (expect maybe the MIL but its best to get used to disappointing her. Happens to all of us). This is how I did my wedding and most of my friends did theirs. Works the best IMO
 
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I'll echo the surprise that so many people think that's way too much to ask your groomsmen to spend. Apparently it is significantly cheaper for men to be in a wedding than for women. I'm actually pleasantly surprised that people thing that is way too much money, as I've spent over $1000 on the two weddings I've been in thus far, and that is my expectation for cost when asked to be in a wedding.
 
Clergy, ftw. I'm in tons of weddings - no $ out of pocket.
ETA- Actually, I get paid to show up.
 
WFfb115 said:
I'll echo the surprise that so many people think that's way too much to ask your groomsmen to spend. Apparently it is significantly cheaper for men to be in a wedding than for women. I'm actually pleasantly surprised that people thing that is way too much money, as I've spent over $1000 on the two weddings I've been in thus far, and that is my expectation for cost when asked to be in a wedding.
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And that surprises you?
 
Having recently gone through my own wedding and being on the planning end of multiple others, the point I'm making isn't personal preference. It's the reality of how people think about weddings. The $250 number is just a number - what I really mean is that if you're going to ask far more than the norm for a wedding, it should be for a good reason. Let's say the wedding is huge, or it's extremely nice, or it's black tie, or you acknowledge the ask by getting your friends something nicer than average as groomsmen gifts. Then it could be reasonable. But forcing a group of people to spend numbers like, say $600 ($1,200 a couple) to fly to like, Eugene Oregon, plus $400 to buy a suit they don't need, plus hotels and incidentals and food - usually you're in an age group where people are having kids, recently married themselves, etc - on average at least a couple people in your wedding party are not comfortably dropping that kind of money.

Obviously there are exceptions. If everyone's older and you know they can afford the cost, or if it's a very small group or something like that it could be fine. But on average that's high, end of story. And the way you describe it - that you feel it's a big ask but the fiancee says just go for it... Well, let's just say if I had $5 for every time I'd heard a potential bridesmaid go on a tirade because a bride just HAD to get everyone to buy a $400+ dress they will never wear again - well I could buy one of those 3 piece suits.

And having just been through it - nobody is going to remember if your groomsmen had 3 piece suits or some other kind of sharp, less expensive rental. You can go down the rabbit hole paying for any absurd number of things at a wedding. In my mind, if as a couple you decide $400 suits are really important, then I'd split it with them. That's what we did when the bridesmaids dresses were a little more expensive than we'd originally thought. Or if you know it won't be an issue and you feel comfortable everyone will be happy to buy them, go for it.
 
Weddings have gotten straight outta control. Everybody's expectations are all outta whack on all sides.

I'm a big fan of having people wearing stuff they already own or stuff they'll buy and can wear again, within a reasonable set of expectations.
 
RevDeac06 said:
Clergy, ftw. I'm in tons of weddings - no $ out of pocket.
ETA- Actually, I get paid to show up.
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Not much though. If you think about how much is spent on every aspect of a wedding, the percentage that is paid to the clergy who officiates is minuscule.
 
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