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a letter to my wife who won't get a job while I work myself to death

She spent the money to go to law school, took the bar, and now, with the kids in school full time, refuses to get a job? I'm with him ->

One of these Wake grads who spent a shit ton of money, their parents or with loans they are now paying back, to go to Wake, need to call this chick to get her in on the Rodan & Fields pyramid scheme. From what I can tell on Facebook, you barely have to do anything and the money just flows in.
 
I'd need to hear her side of the story. Seems like dude should just get a different job and reduce their standard of living accordingly.
 
I'll admit, I think it's weird when women go to expensive universities, potentially get expensive graduate degrees and then decide to stay home for the rest of their lives.
 
Yeah. I have good friends from Wake who married good friends from Wake who fit that description. Both very accomplished in their fields. Different strokes for different folks. That's how they run their family.

I like that my wife and I both work and both of us spilt household duties.
 
I like working, I have a graduate degree that I like putting to use. At the same time, there are definitely times that I feel it would be advantageous for me (or Mett) to be a stay at home parent. But mostly, I see value in our kids socializing and being educated by people who were taught to be early-childhood educators and us filling in the gaps. For us, we are fortunate that the cost of daycare and preschool isn't a wash with either of our paychecks. We also both happen to really like our jobs (and both have done freelance/adjunct work alongside staying home and not particularly enjoyed that arrangement). It's not for me, but there are a lot of people who assume that if I had my choice, I'd stay home. Not the case for me, but I have plenty of friends who it works for.

All that said, you and your partner have to be on the same page about it. One of E's teeball teammate's dad rails about how his mom has a master's degree and no job. To strangers. I'd be pissed. She seems to laugh it off, but at least she knows he feels that way and doens't need a letter.
 
ChicdeaC said:
All that said, you and your partner have to be on the same page about it. One of E's teeball teammate's dad rails about how his mom has a master's degree and no job. To strangers. I'd be pissed. She seems to laugh it off, but at least she knows he feels that way and doens't need a letter.
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Once my wife and I make a decision, it's our decision. We don't talk shit about the decision behind the other's back. Because... we're a team. That would be super tacky.

Stupid decisions made on our own, that's fair game.
 
Shooshmoo said:
She spent the money to go to law school, took the bar, and now, with the kids in school full time, refuses to get a job? I'm with him -
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Welcome to the majority of the women from my law school class.

But of course, as the employer, we're not supposed to take that trend into account when making hiring decisions or we're women-haters.
 
bym051d said:
I'll admit, I think it's weird when women go to expensive universities, potentially get expensive graduate degrees and then decide to stay home for the rest of their lives.
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Some go to expensive universities in order to meet a husband that will enable them to stay home for the rest of their lives. I dated a girl at Wake who when we were talking about what we wanted to do after graduation, said all she wanted to do was play tennis and take care of her husband.
 
Different strokes for different folks.
If a woman finds being a stay at home mom rewarding, then more power to her. If she doesn't, then that's also fine.

My wife was a bright, hard working, and accomplished nurse when we had our daughter. She loves taking care of her and has decided to stay home. The day that decision feels wrong to her is the day she will look to get back to work. We are lucky that financially she can work or not.

But I agree with the others. Making a family decision and then blasting your SO to others about that is just wrong on a lot of levels.
 
Spot the Wonder said:
My wife started a job last week. She's ecstatic, I'm ambivalent.
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Same with me. My wife was home for ten years and life around the house was great. While home, she became very active in the PTO serving as president twice. When a new high school was built near us, she was literally called and asked if she'd like to come in and apply for an admin job in the school office. Now I'm not sure if the additional $40K she earns is worth the changes at home. She's happy, though, so I'm OK with it.
 
My wife's chosen career, education, does not bring in enough money to make it worth the stress associated with her working instead of being the family and home manager. I work long hours and travel a lot and it was crazy when she went back to work for a few months last fall. Totally not worth it. She would have to make twice as much as she makes in the public schools to justify it, so we could spend a good portion of her take home on domestic help of some kind to keep us all sane. But we make all those decisions as a team and this guy posting his BS on the internets is contemptible.

I will say being a partner in a big law firm is in my opinion a shitty job that no one really enjoys. Don't blame him for wanting to quit. Call a legal recruiter and start working on an alternate career. There's at least one company that specializes in helping biglaw burnouts get into non-legal careers. Solve your own problem, don't bitch about your wife.
 
2&2 Slider To Leyritz said:
Welcome to the majority of the women from my law school class.

But of course, as the employer, we're not supposed to take that trend into account when making hiring decisions or we're women-haters.
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i don't know about a hater, per se, but definitely discriminatory at the least.
 
bym051d said:
Once my wife and I make a decision, it's our decision. We don't talk shit about the decision behind the other's back. Because... we're a team. That would be super tacky.
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this is a great mentality, i think- it's what i hope for. i would hate to be in a relationship where i felt like the other person was resenting, undermining, or just conceding to decisions we make.
 
We spent the 4th with a friend who graduates from law school next May and is planning on trying to start a family this November so that the baby would be born after she finishes the bar exam.
 
lbE08 said:
i don't know about a hater, per se, but definitely discriminatory at the least.
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Then is every decision about whether or not to hire someone based on whether or not they can do the job discriminatory? A big part of any job, especially from the employer's perspective, is the ability of the employee to consistently show up. Would you hire someone who lives 50 miles away and doesn't have a car, even if they say they will show up every day? Would you hire someone whose prior employer said they called out sick too often, even if they say they will show up every day? If you don't hire either of those because you assume, based on general common sense and past experience, that they won't be a good fit for the job because you have doubts about their ability to consistently show up, is that discriminatory? If so, then "discriminatory" is simply a synonym for having to make a decision. If not, then why is it discriminatory to use that same common sense and past experience in this case?
 
it just makes you a dick to assume that every woman under 40 is out to get hired, pregnant, and then fuck you over
 
let's not pretend that's the only thing. he's a YUGE shithead in all areas.
 
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