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Me Too [Cuomo joins hall of shame]

He said it after I had gotten out of the elevator, and thought he was just enjoying some 'locker room talk' out of earshot.
Honestly, I don't think it's appropriate - ever - for a male coworker to compliment me or make any comment on my appearance. I think they could say "you have nice clothes, do you have a suggestion for where I could buy something for my wife?" and talk about clothing as an object, but in general the workplace is not a place where someone should be objectifying YOU for how you look. I don't want to be distracted by worrying whether or not I'm putting out 'vibes' to people or that they're just looking at me rather than listening to the sweet data analysis coming out of my mouth.
A guy in general, not at work? A simple, "You look nice today - I like your ____ (hair, scarf, shoes)." Fine. That doesn't bother me. Just dont make pervy faces or gestures when you say it.
However, I am not all women in feeling that way, and some women may think it's just straight-up not your place to tell them your thoughts, because they didn't dress for you anyway. My personal opinion as a person is that if you think someone looks nice and you notice it, you can tastefully/reasonably tell them without coming across as a weirdo.



He wasn't talking about my skirt. He was talking about me IN my skirt, most likely accompanied by this face, given his tone of voice: :naughty:



Yes, I agree that #'s example could be a woman going overboard.

Lol, girls talk about that hot guy that just walked by all the time. I think it is inappropriate to say it within ear shot, but to comment that guy or girl was very attractive is not inappropriate.
 
Don't really care what happened to her, If she wants to be an ass about someone holding the door then she is an ass. Peoples history always determine their personal level of asshatery, but shouldn't excuse it.

That's like saying, well Bob killed a guy, but did you ever consider that his mom not loving him enough led him to kill that hooker?? Stop being insensitive of Bob's problems.

Yeah cause being rude to someone holding the door for you is basically the same as killing a guy.

Nothing says confident gentleman like getting offended when your chivalry goes unappreciated or is misunderstood (numbers post makes it seem like he was baffled more than offended but the point stands).
 
Lol, girls talk about that hot guy that just walked by all the time. I think it is inappropriate to say it within ear shot, but to comment that guy or girl was very attractive is not inappropriate.

Girls don't make up the overwhelming majority of sexual predators and harrasers.

As a general rule of thumb, if you wouldn't make a comment about someone's appearance to their face you shouldn't say it behind their back either.
 
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Yeah cause being rude to someone holding the door for you is basically the same as killing a guy.

Nothing says confident gentleman like getting offended when your chivalry goes unappreciated or is misunderstood (numbers post makes it seem like he was baffled more than offended but the point stands).

I don't think it is offense as much as it would be a note to self that this girl is rude and someone to generally avoid (maybe it is what she wants anyways).
 
From Yankee faces on this thread, could just casually holding the door for someone be considered a sexual advance? Consider the context, slightly dorky well mannered young man trying to be polite to a person walking behind him.
 
From Yankee faces on this thread, could just casually holding the door for someone be considered a sexual advance? Consider the context, slightly dorky well mannered young man trying to be polite to a person walking behind him.

A grad student form NJ came down to Alabama for school. She told me, in the midst of a frank conversation about the overall level of sexual harassment and sexism in our field, that she initially got offended by men holding the door for her. She felt it was either an attempt at flirting or some sort of advance or an attempt to check her out as she walked through the door and down the hall... or that it was an assertion of superiority, like: "here, let me hold this heavy door for you little girl." She said it took her a few months to realize it was just the way people were polite to each other down here.
 
From Yankee faces on this thread, could just casually holding the door for someone be considered a sexual advance? Consider the context, slightly dorky well mannered young man trying to be polite to a person walking behind him.

I'm a southerner and I can see how holding the door for someone could raise red flags for a woman entering a building by herself. It places a stranger directly behind you. Combine that with an especially long door hold (I was raised that if you could see someone approaching the door you waited and held it for them) and friendly smile or longer than normal gaze and it's not hard to see how a friendly gesture could be misinterpreted as something else.

If you want to maintain your reputation as a southern gentleman you need to recognize that nearly all women are subjected to harassment on a regular basis, including plenty from men who fashion themselves as Southern "gentlemen". It's on us to be mindful of how our conduct might be interpreted and not on women to interpret our conduct correctly.
 
Yeah I wasn’t offended I honestly didn’t know what she was talking about

Yeah that's what I figured. But hopefully you were (or are now) able to put yourself in her shoes and understand why she might have misinterpreted your gesture as something nefarious.

And I'm not suggesting that you stop holding the door for people. It's a nice gesture and I always appreciate it when people do it for me. We need more nice gestures in the world.
 
I haven't read this entire thread, so forgive me if I am asking you to repeat yourself, but were you upset because of what the guy said or because he said it within earshot of you?

go back and read the entire thread.
 
A grad student form NJ came down to Alabama for school. She told me, in the midst of a frank conversation about the overall level of sexual harassment and sexism in our field, that she initially got offended by men holding the door for her. She felt it was either an attempt at flirting or some sort of advance or an attempt to check her out as she walked through the door and down the hall... or that it was an assertion of superiority, like: "here, let me hold this heavy door for you little girl." She said it took her a few months to realize it was just the way people were polite to each other down here.

It's as if our country has different cultures and we need to be mindful of that.
 
I give compliments to co-workers all the time. Dude has a cool belt? "Awesome belt." Chick gets a new dress? "Dude, did you get a new dress? It's cool lookin'"
In the past week, I've complimented at least two ties, two pair of shoes (one man one woman), a button down full length dress thing (no idea what to call it but it had buttons from neck to ankle and looked cool as balls), a headset, a pair of crazy earrings, a leather jacket, and God knows what else.

I fucking love it when people admire the things I have on. I've never had someone rebuff a compliment. I got a compliment on a new tie a couple of weeks ago and I was like, "fuck yeah" for the rest of the day.

You need to get out more
 
Lol, girls talk about that hot guy that just walked by all the time. I think it is inappropriate to say it within ear shot, but to comment that guy or girl was very attractive is not inappropriate.

Having dealt with this first hand, it really does hurt. I'm not just hot, I'm smart and funny too.
 
But seriously, I can't believe this thread is still chugging right along.

I'll continue to hold a door open for anyone behind me- man, woman, animal, etc., but other than that, yeah, just be cool fellas...Be cool.
 
But seriously, I can't believe this thread is still chugging right along.

I'll continue to hold a door open for anyone behind me- man, woman, animal, etc., but other than that, yeah, just be cool fellas...Be cool.

Unless there is someone behind me that can't easily hold the door (hands full, individuals with disabilities, etc.), I've taken to holding door open for strangers until they can grab it and then proceeding ahead of them. Feels like a good middle ground between being polite and offending people who find door holding patronizing or creepy.
 
Unless there is someone behind me that can't easily hold the door (hands full, individuals with disabilities, etc.), I've taken to holding door open for strangers until they can grab it and then proceeding ahead of them. Feels like a good middle ground between being polite and offending people who find door holding patronizing or creepy.

Yeah I do that often as well. If I see an elderly couple or someone with a walker, or pushing a stroller or something, I will go that extra mile to completely hold it open.
 
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