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Me Too [Cuomo joins hall of shame]

i only hold the door if the person is far enough away that it's socially awkward and makes them hurry up
 
do you do a Larry David step count when deciding whether or not to hold open?
 
Thinking holding a guy holding a door open for a lady is a sexual advance is about the woman not be brought up with the proper manners or having something bad happen to them in the past. It's common courtesy and decency to hold a door open for a lady or anyone else for that matter.
 
it's most definitely a Southern thing. I rarely experience it when I go up north (was about 50/50 people holding it for me/others when I lived in DC, but I always did). hell, my mother-in-law will stop in front of a door and wait for a male to open it. my colleagues in Finland don't do it at all, and no one thanks you when I do hold it open for them.
 
Yeah, if somebody is behind me I hold open the door for them, regardless of who it is.
 
Thinking holding a guy holding a door open for a lady is a sexual advance is about the woman not be brought up with the proper manners or having something bad happen to them in the past. It's common courtesy and decency to hold a door open for a lady or anyone else for that matter.

I don't think anyone was suggesting that holding the door for someone would/could be considered a sexual advance. But in certain contexts holding the door open for someone might make that person uncomfortable for a variety of reasons. The appropriate response to finding out that a seemingly innocuous action makes someone else uncomfortable is to accept that and not do it again, not blame the uncomfortable person's upbringing or past.
 
easier to slap 'em on the ass when they walk by after you hold it open for them
 
In an ironic turn of events, I just had two girls..TWO...hold the door open for me at the bakery. I felt so smothered.
 
I don't think anyone was suggesting that holding the door for someone would/could be considered a sexual advance. But in certain contexts holding the door open for someone might make that person uncomfortable for a variety of reasons. The appropriate response to finding out that a seemingly innocuous action makes someone else uncomfortable is to accept that and not do it again, not blame the uncomfortable person's upbringing or past.

My New Jersey raised Alabama transplanted grad student did. She thought guys were just doing it as a way to check her out, or it was a condescending action as if to say 'let me hold this heavy door for you, little girl.' She has since accepted that it is simply a cultural difference between Alabama and New Jersey.
 
My New Jersey raised Alabama transplanted grad student did. She thought guys were just doing it as a way to check her out, or it was a condescending action as if to say 'let me hold this heavy door for you, little girl.' She has since accepted that it is simply a cultural difference between Alabama and New Jersey.

That's more of an additional benefit than a reason.
 
My New Jersey raised Alabama transplanted grad student did. She thought guys were just doing it as a way to check her out, or it was a condescending action as if to say 'let me hold this heavy door for you, little girl.' She has since accepted that it is simply a cultural difference between Alabama and New Jersey.

Her initial impression was probably right at least half the time, and can't be easily separated (especially the latter thought) from the cultural aspect of it. I guess I don't think of those as sexual "advances" per se.
 
it's most definitely a Southern thing. I rarely experience it when I go up north (was about 50/50 people holding it for me/others when I lived in DC, but I always did). hell, my mother-in-law will stop in front of a door and wait for a male to open it. my colleagues in Finland don't do it at all, and no one thanks you when I do hold it open for them.

Yeah moving north brought a few cultural differences, most notably the "sir" or "ma'am" which is considered a personal affront to the family by some people up here.
 
Yeah I guess all the women who sometimes feel uncomfortable/offended when a man holds the door open for them and then follows behind them are imagining things and/or overreacting. Silly women. The way they go around acting all paranoid you would think a quarter of them had been sexually assaulted or something.
 
This conversation strikes a nerve with me for several reasons so sorry for being a little testy. One of them is that I think it demonstrates a tendency of southern liberals to try and separate the good parts of Southern culture, and claim them as uniquely Southern, from the bad parts of that culture. Its disingenuous to take pride in being a southern gentleman without acknowledging the connection that notion has with Lost Cause mythology and the solidification of antebellum gender roles (endorsed by the Daughters of the Confederacy).

While I don't think any southern men are consciously thinking about what they consider to be the noble cause of their ancestors while holding the door open for women, the same worldview that allows the former also supports the latter. That worldview also leads those very same men to feel they are entitled to something from women, whether that be gratitude or sex or anything in between.

I think numbers and most others on this thread simply hold the door open because it's polite. But in pointing out, and perhaps taking pride in, it's prevalence in the South be aware that the practice wasn't always, and for some still isn't, such an innocuous gesture and that women are justified in being somewhat wary of the practice.
 
But what about just holding a door open when you see someone behind you, regardless of their gender?
 
But what about just holding a door open when you see someone behind you, regardless of their gender?

So this is how she realized it was actually a cultural thing. She noticed that a lot of dudes don’t discriminate who they hold the door for and came to conclude it was just the way things are done down here.
 
So this is how she realized it was actually a cultural thing. She noticed that a lot of dudes don’t discriminate who they hold the door for and came to conclude it was just the way things are done down here.

Nothing like experiential learning. I must admit, until this conversation I never knew this was even something to be cognizant of. I hope I don’t be overthink holding the door for folks in the future.
 
But what about just holding a door open when you see someone behind you, regardless of their gender?

Exactly.

This is another dumb RC argument. Just don't engage.
 
But what about just holding a door open when you see someone behind you, regardless of their gender?

That practice, thankfully, evolved from holding the door for women. And whether conscious or not, I suspect most men, myself included, are more likely to hold the door for an attractive female or an elderly/disabled individual than for a healthy looking dude our own age.

And again, the fact that you personally hold the door on an equal opportunity basis with the purest of intentions doesn't absolve you from thinking about how others might perceive your actions.
 
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