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Millennial Feminists Fret Over Holding of Doors; or, Should Men Hold the Door ?

Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen

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https://thelily.com/should-men-hold-our-doors-open-96e416408702

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Modern-day etiquette rules call for men and women to alternate the task depending on who reaches the door first.
“I think you can think of holding open doors as a social courtesy for people and not something that men have to do for women,” Orr said. “If all genders are created equal, then you have to be equal all the time.”

Whether it’s desirable to practice chivalry in a romantic relationship is a complex question, especially for modern-day feminists. We all have a friend who gets upset if her date won’t hold open the door for them or pay for drinks. That same friend may own a cat-eared hat and call herself a feminist.

“Where I grew up in the South, it was expected that I hold open doors but it seems to put people in D.C. on edge,” said Jack Varnell, a 23-year-old consultant. “People in the Northeast think it’s a trap or something.”
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Full disclosure, I'm a door holder.
 
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Her arm looks teeny. Like a feminist dwarf arm.
 
The article doesn't even take into account the feelings of this poor girl fretting in the Comments section about entering the elevator.

Kai M.
Nov 2
I’m fine with people holding the door as long as it doesn’t inadvertently cause more inconvenience and inefficiency for everyone. (If I’m down the block, you holding the door and standing there waiting for me, making me feel like I have to run, is just silly — regardless of your gender.)
When a man is standing a foot from the elevator door and I’m 6 feet away but he insists on ‘letting’ me go in first, it’s just annoying (especially because I don’t see men doing that with other men). It’s so… performative. Like yes, you’re so polite and chivalrous, here’s a cookie.
Also, sometimes I just don’t feel comfortable with men at my back. Sorry if that seems paranoid, but maybe when women stop getting followed, catcalled, groped, and harassed on a daily basis, we can let our guard down.
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Elizabeth has a less nuanced take.

Elizabeth Melas
Nov 21
Yes! Don’t be a dick, if you’re ahead don’t slam the door behind you.
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Jesus, Kai we get it you've read Judith Butler
 
I hold the door for everyone, regardless of gender. I do occasionally do gentlemanly things for Brask'ee, such as open car doors and pull out chairs.

What does that make me?
 
BillBrasky said:
I hold the door for everyone, regardless of gender. I do occasionally do gentlemanly things for Brask'ee, such as open car doors and pull out chairs.
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+1

How is this an issue? If I'm with someone and I get to the door first I'm gonna hold it for them. Or they'll get to it first. And if a stranger is behind me, I'll hold it for them too.
 
I like to let the ladies get in the revolving door first and then squeeze in with them and do all the pushing so they don't have to and they see how gentlemanly I am.

If I can't squeeze in fast enough I get in the chamber behind them and push real hard so they don't have to do any of the work.
 
BiffTannen said:
I like to let the ladies get in the revolving door first and then squeeze in with them and do all the pushing so they don't have to and they see how gentlemanly I am.

If I can't squeeze in fast enough I get in the chamber behind them and push real hard so they don't have to do any of the work.
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I guy I used to work with was not paying attention when he rushed through the revolving door of our building and pushed the door, and a girl was coming in from the other direction texting on her phone as he slammed into the door. She wasn't inside all the way, so the moving door hit her from behind and crushed her into the door jamb. Both of her arms and legs went out like a squished spider. One of the funniest things I have ever seen, and luckily she was okay.
 
ipitytheblue said:
+1

How is this an issue? If I'm with someone and I get to the door first I'm gonna hold it for them. Or they'll get to it first. And if a stranger is behind me, I'll hold it for them too.
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It's not an issue. What you described is how humans function in the real world. This is the internetz.
 
I usually hold the door for anyone behind me. The comeback I heard years ago if a women says anything negative is "I'm not holding it open because you are a women. I'm holding it because I'm a gentleman". I DO get a little annoyed when I hold the door for someone as we enter a restaurant and they go straight to he hostess and get a table before me. Seems like the courteous thing to do is say "he got here in front of me". That won't keep me from continuing to hold the door but is just a pet peeve.
 
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