Not-the-Onion Compendium

After more than 20 years of working as a cook in Turkey, the 63-year-old returned home to Romania to discover that his wife had had him officially registered as dead.

He has since been living a legalistic nightmare of trying to prove to authorities that he is, in fact, alive. He faced a major setback Thursday when a court in the northeastern city of Vaslui refused to overturn his death certificate because his request was filed “too late.”

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Authorities are investigating reports a teacher fed a sick puppy to a snapping turtle in a rural Idaho town that was the setting for the teenage cult classic film “Napoleon Dynamite.”

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Idaho officials euthanized a snapping turtle Friday, days after a biology teacher allegedly fed a sick puppy to the animal in front of the students in his class.

The snapping turtle, which is deemed an invasive species by the Idaho Department of Agriculture, was seized amid an investigation into possible animal cruelty charges against a Preston Junior High School teacher.

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