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Has the men's basketball program now, finally, hit ROCK BOTTOM?

Have we finally arrived?

  • Total voters
    85
  • Poll closed .
At Shooting guard I want a road runner. Unparalleled foot speed to run the break. Remarkable precision form distance, check out this amazing video of a road runner catching a hummingbird:

 
At small forward I am going with a red-tailed hawk. This is one of the most versatile birds of prey around. They can kill and eat other birds, squirrels, rabbits, small dogs and cats, and they can thrive in any environment. They range from east coast toe west coast and live in such diverse places as the upper west side of Manhattan to Yosemite National Park. This bird will be the glue guy on your team...the player that holds it all together and makes everyone better.
 
birdman, what is the LeBron James of the bird world?
 
RChildress107 said:
Those birds appear to be 2-3 times bigger than a great tit. And if you are playing on a court that size I think the larger birds on your squad are going to struggle. Maybe managing lineups isn’t as easy as y’all make it out to be.
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None of those birds actually on my team. Please show me any bird, anywhere that can actually pick and dribble a basketball.
 
birdman said:
None of those birds actually on my team. Please show me any bird, anywhere that can actually pick and dribble a basketball.
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No need to dribble if you never take more than two steps. Again, I’ll defer to the expert but I’m assuming there are plenty of large birds that could puncture a basketball with their beak or talons and then carry that shit while flying

 
RChildress107 said:
Or you could adapt to the modern game and put the Ostrich (twice as fast) at point-center
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Or you could follow the fucking rules and see that flightlessness is not allowed. Besides ostriches are fast on the flat but uncoordinated as fuck. Seriously, what the hell is going on here:
 
birdman said:
Peacocks are male, it’s right there in the name, you imbecile. What you talking about is a peahen, they are drabby Brown and super dumb birds. Seriously they are just large brown wild chickens. Good luck with your team.
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Alright I'll go male then.
 
I love how birdman and RC are taking this question seriously in ways completely consistent with their posting personalities.
 
birdman said:
Or you could follow the fucking rules and see that flightlessness is not allowed. Besides ostriches are fast on the flat but uncoordinated as fuck. Seriously, what the hell is going on here:
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I figured we were ignoring coredeac’s “common standard” since being a member of the class Aves seems good enough. I’ll defer to the expert though.
 
PhDeac said:
I love how birdman and RC are taking this question seriously in ways completely consistent with their posting personalities.
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I am really confused by this. How could you not take birds seriously?
 
birdman said:
Good because I am literally a bird expert.
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So maybe you should set the standard for what constitutes a bird instead of some guy who thinks it’s a matter of debate.

And for all of your bird expertise, your starting backcourt would be unable to carry a regulation basketball (based solely on knowledge of weight ratios gained from Monty Python).

Give me a peregrine falcon, great horned owl, golden eagle, Rüppell’s vulture, and a motherfucking Ostrich starting 5. I’ll run them out with a Dodo bird skeleton as the coach, since as I’ve been saying for years, talent > coaching.
 
The general manager of this team would obviously be Larry Bird, and their play-by-play guy would be Ian Eagle.
 
RChildress107 said:
So maybe you should set the standard for what constitutes a bird instead of some guy who thinks it’s a matter of debate.

And for all of your bird expertise, your starting backcourt would be unable to carry a regulation basketball (based solely on knowledge of weight ratios gained from Monty Python).

Give me a peregrine falcon, great horned owl, golden eagle, Rüppell’s vulture, and a motherfucking Ostrich starting 5. I’ll run them out with a Dodo bird skeleton as the coach, since as I’ve been saying for years, talent > coaching.
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Peregrine Falcón is all speed and no finesse. Good luck getting the speed going when your aerodynamics are entirely ruined by a large deflated basketball stuck on its talon.
 
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