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2020 Pit Fantasy Football League One - Edarem vs. Wolf in the 'ship

If I promise to keep doing these writeups next year, will you guys agree to not relegate me to League 2?
 
If I promise to keep doing these writeups next year, will you guys agree to not relegate me to League 2?

Thankfully for both of us, there is no league 2 now. We’re dynasties now baby!

Also - willing to trade Allen now for a RB.
 
If I promise to keep doing these writeups next year, will you guys agree to not relegate me to League 2?

Hell no! Your writeups make this league awesome. I wish you were in all my "cash money" leagues so you could add your special brand of insight, humor, and wit to the party. Plus, you suck at fantasy football. Look at me - I'm a genius - the way I have crafted a starting line-up that will just barely score more points than my opponent each and every Freakin' week. You think this is a game of luck??
 
My team is an absolute black hole. The only team to score above their projection against me is bernie.
 
Busy morning today as I have meetings and a pre-scheduled mental health break because of this election, will try to have the writeup this afternoon.
 
Me every time I look at Disco Kid's score while checking league matchups:

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Here are your Week 8 stats.

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Week 8 Awards
  • Let's just start with the obvious one: The "Disco Kid Memorial" award goes to Disco Kid. I don't fucking get it. Looking at Disco Kid's weekly scores is like looking at Democratic Senate performances, just disappointment everywhere you look. Yet unlike Democrats, Disco Kid somehow finds ways to win. Whatever rabbit foot you have stored away in whichever orifice, keep it there DK, you're somehow a game up on the chasing pack for a playoff spot. Shoutout redwing for also nabbing a victory this week while scoring even lower than I did.
  • The "Second Place is Just the First Loser" award goes to SD3 who pulled a reverse-Disco this week. Scoring the 2nd most points in the league should get you a win almost every week but not when you get beat by almost 30 by the top scoring DEACHAWK. A really tough break for SD3 who has shot up to the 4th overall scorer in the league despite his abysmal start to the season. A small consolation to him that he has now taken the lead in the points-scored tiebreaker so he leads the 4-4 pack, but "wins are better than points!" - Disco Kid (probably)
  • The "Tigger" award for bounceback of the week goes to our leading man bernbp5 who put together a strong enough start to the week to hold off a late challenge from Mediocre Manning's Miracles (my new official name if Yahoo had enough characters). Coming off his first loss of the season, bern needed a win to stave off league top scorer DEACHAWK and he did just enough to get that victory. Our league leader may have dropped to 7th overall scorer after eight weeks, but as Disco Kid (probably) says, "wins are better than points!"
  • The "Don't Call It A Comeback!" award goes to the joint hottest team in the league right now, Ph. After being the last team in the league to score a victory, Ph decided that one wasn't enough and has put together a three week run that I don't think anyone saw coming. Though this wasn't a roaring performance as a team, Ph was able to get just enough out of Carson Wentz on SNF to seal a victory over YoungBuck. Ph still remains on the outside looking in for the playoff race and lags behind most in the points-scored tiebreaker, but you can't get to tiebreaks without wins in the first place, just ask Disco Kid.
  • The "It's Funny Because It's Nonny" award goes to AnonymousDeac who is legitimately the snakebitten version of Disco Kid. After another week where he scored above the average and still lost, our 2nd leading scorer on the season finds himself at 3-5 and in 14th place overall. In the closest matchup of the week, Nonny was on the wrong end of Fighting Cocks (best sentence ever) and narrowly lost. The path back for Nonny is clear, just get to tiebreakers and he would top pretty much anyone. But as Disco Kid (probably) said, "wins are better than points!" and Nonny is finding those very difficult to come by even when his team performs.
  • The "Nice" award goes to Ph because proper rounding matters. Nice.
  • The "Superstar" award goes to Dalvin Cook whose 4 total TDs, 226 total yards, and 47.6 fantasy points single-handedly led Minnesota to a divisional victory over Green Bay and was a large part of DEACHAWK smacking down SD3 in Week 8.
Week 9 Outlook
This section remains the same as it did last week and the week before that and the week before that and the we.....you get the picture. Parity is still king in the Pit Fantasy League. 20th place Satan's Minions still has more than a puncher's chance of making up the 2 games he is behind the final playoff spot while no one outside of the top two spots can really feel super solid about looking towards the postseason. Here are some interesting things to watch for in Week 9:
  • League leader bernbp5 faces probably his stiffest test since Week 1 as 4th place Barca is on the docket in Week 9. bern looks to have a decent advantage as Aaron Jones and Jamison Crowder both return from injury as well as having no significant bye weeks to combat. Meanwhile Barca faces a tough blow as his best player, Harrison Bryant, hits the bye week this week, but a return to action for Chris Carson may give him a bit rosier of an outlook. Should bern find a path to victory, he should find great comfort in likely being 3 games up on 9th place with only 4 games to play.
  • League top scorer DEACHAWK and league hottest team Ph do battle this week as they take their matching 3-game win streaks and try to get number 4. Both players are facing difficult roster decisions due to injuries and bye weeks, as Ph has resorted to Sixth Sense superfan Sam Darnold and DEACHAWK has yet to find a QB for the week. This matchup may not contain the high scoring that we've come to expect from DEACHAWK matchups, but the tension will remain heightened as DEACHAWK looks to solidfy his playoff hopes and Ph attempts to really insert himself back into the conversation.
  • COCK WATCH: Another one bites the dust in our watch section as JMan watched his team put up a dismal performance and lose to Lone Wolf and Patrick Mahomes. Therefore, we need a new watch candidate and I have selected Fighting Cocks for Week 9. Are the Cocks the best watch candidate? Probably not. Does he have a bang average team that doesn't really get the blood flowing? Absolutely. Did I select him so I could write "Cock Watch"? You better believe it. But there is also an ulterior motive in his opponent for Week 9: Disco Kid. Can the Cocks do enough to stymie the mystical ways of DK? Who knows. But I am going to be watching it closely and really that's all the qualification Fighting Cocks needs to be our watch candidate for Week 9. Cock Watch.
Good luck to everyone in Week 9, go Cocks.
 
Nice.

Sorry, Peach.

Also, don't tell my wife, and I won't tell your husband.
 
All I needed was for Joe Flacco to be Joe Flacco to pull off another upset. Oh well.

Wentz or Tua are available to trade for a decent RB. Both are done with their bye weeks.
 
All I needed was for Joe Flacco to be Joe Flacco to pull off another upset. Oh well.

Wentz or Tua are available to trade for a decent RB. Both are done with their bye weeks.

I will be in touch because Big Ben has the rona now
 
As a wise man once said, "It's Rivalry Week, bitches!"

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Here are your Week 9 stats.

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Week 9 Awards
  • The "Just When I Thought I Was Out, They Pull Me Back In" award goes to Ph who had to have thought his 3-game winning streak would have been enough to pull him out of the cellar this season. Unfortunately for Ph, he ran into the buzzsaw that is DEACHAWK and his Week 9 loss combined with other results saw him return to the bottom of the league table, though still technically in playoff contention. Ph will look to return to winning ways and claw his way out of the cellar, but he can also take comfort in the fact that I am definitely finishing last place so he needn't worry.
  • The "Maybe Second Place Isn't So Bad After All" award goes to SD3 who earned his second consecutive 2nd place weekly score and in doing so got the win that eluded him the first time around. Certainly the hottest team in the league not named DEACHAWK, SD3 took out his frustrations from Week 8 on poor Edarem who has seen his star fall from early season success. SD3 has overcome his Week 1 bottom score and has climbed all the way to second place in all-play and is a mere 0.15 points behind second place in overall season score. But for a couple of tricky losses, SD3 would be comfortably qualified for the playoffs, but he will have to sweat it out like the rest of us peasants.
  • The "Bran the Broken" award for ascending to his rightful spot atop the league standings after years (weeks) of struggle is DEACHAWK. As covered above, DEACHAWK continues to roll through the competition with relative ease, putting comeback story of the season Ph to the sword in Week 9. DEACHAWK has been consistent and ruthless in his quest to attain immortality as Pit League Champion and having amassed nearly a 100 point lead over his next closest competition as well as a 2-game lead over 9th place with 4 to play, it would be tough to see DEACHAWK not making the playoffs and likely be a top seed. We have a new sheriff in town, ladies and gentlemen.
  • The "'Wins Are Better Than Points' - Disco Kid (Probably)" award goes to AnonymousDeac and Sleepy who just can't catch any breaks this season. Nonny, the league's 4th top scorer and tied for 3rd overall all-play record, has not been able to translate his statistical success into actual wins. Similarly, Sleepy has seen great scoring output in many weeks but has not found the wins that would match such scoring prowess. With their losses in Week 9 to Empanadas y Arepas and YoungBuck respectively, Nonny and Sleepy fell to 3-6, 2 games back of a playoff spot despite having scored more points than the next 10 teams in front of the two of them. The good news is that this league is still completely in the balance and their high season scoring puts them in great position to win tiebreaks and earn playoff spots. The bad news is that time is running out and one more bad result could spell disaster for either team.
  • The "Nice" award is a double whammy this week as redwing42 and DeaconPeach played out the nicest matchup the season. redwing found himself on top and just ate out...excuse me, BEAT OUT Peach 69.9–69.18. I promise I won't tell Goalie, redwing.
  • The "Superstar" award goes to Dalvin Cook for a second consecutive week as his 252 total yards, 2 TDs and 38.2 fantasy points helped power DEACHAWK to yet another victory.
Week 10 Outlook
It's Rivalry Week in the Pit League as we enter the home stretch this season. I must sadly admit that I know too few of you well enough to declare who your rivals are, so in my ever-eloquent style, I'm going to pick your rivals based on what I do know: cold hard statistics and wildly inaccurate assumptions. Here's your Week 10 rivalry outlook:
  • DEACHAWK: DEACHAWK's biggest rival is undeserved success of other teams. Watching others win games and remain above him in the standings burned at his very soul. He has finally reached his rightful spot as our leader and no longer has to look up at those who do not deserve such lofty pedestals.
  • bernbp5: bern's biggest rival is other teams scoring points against him. bern had one of the greatest runs of picking his opponent for the first eight weeks of the season with no player scoring even 70 points against him and totaling a measly 491.78 (61.47 pts/week). Even Disco Kid thought that bern's opponents weren't scoring enough. That luck finally ran out as Barca ran out to a big victory over bern, topping the weekly scoring chart and knocking bern out of the top spot for the first time since Week 1. bern will hope that other teams do not follow Barca's lead.
  • Up Schitt's Creek: USC's biggest rival is Notre Da...wait wrong USC. OUR USC's biggest rival is Brian Schottenheimer. So far this season, the Seattle OC has let Russ cook. But we've all seen this movie before and as the season continues and SEA looks to clinch the NFC West despite a porous defense, at any point we could see the return of run-run-pass, neutering USC's dynamic duo of Russell Wilson and DK Metcalf.
  • Barca: Barca's biggest rival is Real Mad...wait wrong Barca. I write these columns, I can repeat jokes if I want to. Barca's biggest rival is consistency. He has had weekly jumps of +69.3 (nice), -38.62, and +21.54 just over the last 3 weeks. Though he is in a good position for the playoffs right now, Barca will hope that his performances level out and build momentum going into the playoffs.
  • SD3: SD3's biggest rival is Yahoo projections. May seem a bit simplistic, but SD3 hasn't met a Yahoo projection he didn't hate. A true sink or swim team, the closest SD3 has been to matching his Yahoo projection was Week 2 when he overshot his projected total by 11 points. In most other weeks, the margin is much greater and it is no surprise that whichever way SD3 decides to wildly miss his projections, he wins or loses. A more high-risk, high-reward version of Barca, SD3 will also be looking to stop the wild swings as the home stretch approaches.
  • Fighting Cocks: Fighting Cocks' biggest rival is recognition. Quietly, Cocks has worked his way into 6th place and has the 5th overall all-play record on the season, yet doesn't ever seem to get the sort of recognition his results seem to deserve. Well here's to you buddy, even if you lose, I will give you a freebie Cock Watch so you have a chance to redeem yourself moving forward. You shall not be silenced.
  • DeaconPeach: Peach's biggest rival is the undefeated champion that is time itself. Despite getting off to a magnificent 5-1 start, Peach's performances told a different tale, that of a team that was on the decline and barely scraping through the last couple of wins. Over the last few weeks, that decline became fully realized as three consecutive performances failed to live up to that early record and has seen her fall down the standings as well as the season score charts. Peach will hope to arrest that fall and find some rejuvenation for a team that is teetering on the precipice of falling out of the playoff spots.
  • redwing42: redwing's biggest rival is GoalieMom as mafia. He just can't figure her out. Maybe one day she will teach him how to play the game properly. At least he has a three-game winning streak in fantasy, though.
  • Disco Kid: Disco Kid's biggest rival is scoring points. Unless he is a conscientious objector to fantasy success, I don't understand his aversion to having players on his team do things in real-life football games that also get him fake internet points. Bewildering.
  • Oblong Pickle: Pickle's biggest rival is that basket wrapping that they give you in sandwich shops where the pickle gets hidden underneath and then you just eat the sandwich and chips and by the time you find the pickle, you're too full so you just throw it away.
  • JManslow: JMan's biggest rival is Christian McCaffrey's and the 49ers' health. So far he's 1-1 as he is decimating Christian McCaffrey but losing terribly to the 49ers.
  • Edarem: Edarem's biggest rival is mediocrity. Edarem's team should be good. Edarem himself is a good fantasy manger as proven by his 300-203-1 record on Yahoo since 2003. But his team is just...average. Maybe it's enough to sneak into the playoffs. Maybe it's not. But what it definitely isn't is anything to get excited about.
  • Manning's Miracles: My biggest rival, other than Disco Kid, is drafting in a 20-team league. I just can't figure it out. I thought QB scarcity was the advantage last year and that didn't work out with the early Mahomes pick. I thought RB depth was then the solution, but I clearly picked the wrong RBs. I propose that we split the leagues next year, maybe go back to pro/rel, but that's just me and probably a discussion for after the season. Also Disco Kid.
  • Lone Wolf: Lone Wolf's biggest rival is male fragility. It can't be easy to see your wife dominate in fantasy early on and leaving you playing catchup, but kudos to Wolf for sticking to the plan and reeling her back in. You will have your day in Week 13, good sir. Keep a hold of things until then.
  • Empanadas y Arepas: EyA's biggest rival is the ever rising prices of suitable gifts to apologize to your significant other. You should have just let her win, dude.
  • AnonymousDeac: Nonny's biggest rival is humility. Whether it is playing mafia or playing fantasy football, his wildly high expectations of himself just never seem to match the production. Can't be easy to expect so much of yourself and never quite get there, but the effort is still laudable.
  • Sleepy: Sleepy's biggest rival is caffeine. I mean, the joke was right there. I regret nothing.
  • YoungBuck: YoungBuck's biggest rival is performances against teams nearest him in the standings. YB had an opportunity over the last few weeks to get some wins under his belt against the bottom of the table but just couldn't get over the line, suffering 4 consecutive defeats, including 3 against direct rivals, before finally getting back in the win column last week against Sleepy. With some tough matchups coming up as we close out the season, YB will likely come to rue those missed opportunities.
  • Satan's Minions: Satan's biggest rival is, appropriately, the football gods. Despite the good fortune of acquiring the top pick in this year's draft, Satan has had to watch in horror as Christian McCaffrey's injuries have totally destroyed Satan's chances this season. And just when he thought there might be some respite from the pain, CMC finds himself on the injury list again, doubtful for this week and moving forward. There's always next year, Satan.
  • PhDeac: Ph's biggest rivals are a tie between, MDMH, MHB, and the entire mafia community. He knows why, that's all that matters.
That's all we have for this week, good luck to all in Week 10.
 
He stinks but is playing the Eagles this week. If you need a QB, Jones is available.
 
Just a reminder, you can have Wentz or Tua for a decent RB.
 
I write these breakdowns because I truly enjoy doing so and not to get views from you all, but I selfishly really want redwing and Peach to read this week's writeup lol. That was probably my favorite joke of the season so far.

I'm so immature.
 
I write these breakdowns because I truly enjoy doing so and not to get views from you all, but I selfishly really want redwing and Peach to read this week's writeup lol. That was probably my favorite joke of the season so far.

I'm so immature.

Nice.

Sorry, Peach.

Also, don't tell my wife, and I won't tell your husband.
 
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