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The Official "Ohhh Florida" Thread

Tom Murphy told officers that he approached the couple early Monday evening and told them to stop. But the man, identified by cops as Jeremie Calo, responded, "She can't get up at this time." Calo, 32, was referring to his companion Tiffani Lynn Barganier.

Calo and Barganier, 32, are pictured above.

Murphy told police that he directed Calo to "Compose yourself, pay your tab or I'll call the police." Calo, however, signed his check "NO" and then scuffled with a restaurant employee when he tried to leave without paying.

Awkward conversation to have during tabletop public coitus...excuse me sir, would you mind not fucking in front of children and pay your tab...a little busy here chief...
 
I was expecting worse from the link. I wouldn't have done it on a tabletop, but I understand.
 
http://www.gainesville.com/article/20121017/ARTICLES/121019558/1183?tc=ar

A Gainesville man sped through an accident scene earlier this week, swerving around several police officers as he waved his middle finger at them, a report says.

Police blocked off Northwest 16th Avenue in both directions after a major accident in which a vehicle flipped over. Officer Travis Stephens, in a fluorescent-colored traffic vest, had his police car on the side of the road with its emergency lights flashing to warn traffic about the closure.

Wright ignored Stephens, accelerated and drove around him while extending his middle finger, going east in the westbound lane.

He passed another officer going 50 mph while the officer waved her arms and yelled at him to stop. Wright ignored her and showed her his middle finger as well.

Wright continued toward a third officer blocking the roadway in the other direction. He sped toward him, but swerved onto the median at the last second. The officer estimated Wright came within 20 feet of him.

In all, Wright extended his middle finger to five police officers in his short but speedy run through the crash scene.

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A friend sent me a link to this story earlier with “Florida or Ohio” in the subject line.
 
A few months old, but hadn't seen it posted.

http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/06/13/2847187/bizarre-burning-and-cutting-ritual.html

ST. PETERSBURG -- Danielle Harkins told the kids they needed to rid their bodies of demons as the group gathered before dusk Saturday around a small fire near the St. Petersburg Pier. They should cut their skin to let the evil spirits out, police said she told the children. Then, they needed to burn the wounds to ensure that those spirits would not return.

Some kids got cut, police said. Some kids got burned. Harkins got arrested.

Harkins, 35, a literacy teacher at Lealman and Asian Neighborhood Family Center, was booked in jail Tuesday morning on child abuse charges in connection with the bizarre ritual. She was held in jail Tuesday night on $55,000 bail.

Police said the ritual was attended by seven teenagers, all of Asian ethnic background, whom Harkins had taught a few years ago in her job at the center. At least two were injured, police said.

"Obviously, it's very strange," said St. Petersburg police spokesman Mike Puetz. "The motivations for the ritual are very unknown to us."
 
http://www.tampabay.com/features/popculture/article1260677.ece

The #TampaHoes hashtag gained steam after cheating matchmakers AshleyMadison.com released statistics claiming Tampa had more mistresses per capita than all but three major U.S. cities. People started making #TampaHoes cracks on Twitter. It crept up and up.

Thursday morning, the radio hosts at Wild 94.1 prepped for their show. They read the Ashley Madison stats, saw that #TampaHoes was trending. They pounced.

"We were doing it as a public service," said host Orlando Davis. "There are a lot of ladies out there that are very classy, who have done it right... And then there are some hoochies."

They invited listeners to call up and report cheaters. The calls flooded the airwaves for at least an hour. Tweets to the station overloaded the technology. People reported identifying car colors and hairstyles but were told to leave last names out of it.


And #TampaHoes kept growing on Twitter, trending all the way to No. 2 in the country during the show, Davis said. Tweeps whipped out their best zingers, their lowest opinions of 813 females:


@Richie_Ortiz
— #TampaHoes Act like they are models from Miami, but can't win a beauty pageant in Plant City

@ESPizzle — #TampaHoes all make high waisted shorts and think they design clothes

@fentonfaseur — #TampaHoes be like "I'd like the beach, if it wasn't for the sand."
 
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"NOAA spokeswoman Allison Garrett told CNN that the most recent prosecution involved a Panama City, Florida, man who was convicted of throwing pipe bombs at dolphins. "

"Conservation experts and federal agents say they're looking into the violent deaths of several bottlenose dolphins along the northern Gulf Coast this year, including one that was shot and another that was stabbed with a screwdriver."
 
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Sprinkler malfunction...hilarious...
 
"NOAA spokeswoman Allison Garrett told CNN that the most recent prosecution involved a Panama City, Florida, man who was convicted of throwing pipe bombs at dolphins. "

"Conservation experts and federal agents say they're looking into the violent deaths of several bottlenose dolphins along the northern Gulf Coast this year, including one that was shot and another that was stabbed with a screwdriver."

WTF kind of person does this? How can someone hate a dolphin? That's like hating a sunny day or a puppy.
 
WTF kind of person does this? How can someone hate a dolphin? That's like hating a sunny day or a puppy.

I know. I totally interrupted a dolphin 3 some in the wild in Hawaii and one of the males gave me a look like "wanna join in?". So giving.
 
SNL had some funny skits about Tampa in the aftermath of the Jill Kelly stuff. The best line was from Weekend Update. "She's described as a 'Tampa socialite' and an 'unpaid social liason' which sound like old-time words for prostitute."
 
SNL had some funny skits about Tampa in the aftermath of the Jill Kelly stuff. The best line was from Weekend Update. "She's described as a 'Tampa socialite' and an 'unpaid social liason' which sound like old-time words for prostitute."

Tampa Socialite absolutely means prostitute
 
WTF kind of person does this? How can someone hate a dolphin? That's like hating a sunny day or a puppy.


Well then of course there is this freak from.....you guessed it....Florida!



Malcolm Brenner Chronicles His Sexual Relationship With Dolphin In 'Wet Goddess'

Malcolm Brenner, 60, wrote "Wet Goddess," a new book about a man's nine-month sexual relationship with a dolphin -- an affair that bears "a striking degree of resemblance" to his own interspecies romance.

The author claims he started his relationship with a dolphin named Dolly back in 1970, when he was in his early 20s. Brenner was a sophomore at New College of Florida in Sarasota. A writer hired Brenner to take photographs for a children's book about the dolphin show at an amusement park in nearby Nokomis. He was given free access to the park and introduced to the staff.

If Brenner is to be believed, the dolphin courted him.

Initially, "she became more and more aggressive," said Brenner, who lives in Punta Gorda, Fla. "She would thrust herself against me."

But over time, Dolly became more gentle, he claimed.

"I found that extraordinarily erotic," Brenner said. "It's like being with a tiger or a bear. This is an animal that could kill you in two seconds if it wanted to."

After about nine months, the Floridaland amusement park was sold to become housing.

His college sweetheart was shipped off to an oceanarium in Gulfport, Miss., while he said he enrolled in Evergreen State College in Washington.

The Huffington Post has been unable to verify his account of the affair with Floridaland officials; the park closed in 1971. However, historical photos and archival brochures indicate there was a "Porpoise Pool" attraction at Floridaland.

"I had every intention of going to visit the dolphin when I got back to the South, but it didn't work out that way," Brenner said. "I learned the hard way that dolphins are chattel, and much more emotionally vulnerable than I had ever imagined."

Brenner said Dolly died about nine months after the last time he saw her.

"I had a vivid dream at the time about dolphins dying in a dark environment which proved to be remarkably similar to the oceanarium where she actually died," Brenner said.

It appears that Brenner's relationship wouldn't have broken any laws. Florida only passed a law banning bestiality this year, after two failed attempts.

But Dr. Denise Herzing of the Wild Dolphin Project, which researches communication between dolphins and humans, said a book aggrandizing a human-dolphin sexual relationship could send a dangerous message.

"Glorifying human sexual interactions with other species is inappropriate for the health and well being of any animal," Herzing told HuffPost. "It puts the dolphin's own health and social behavioral settings at risk."

But Brenner insists his relationship did not harm the dolphin.

"Some people find it hard to imagine that I wasn't abusing the animal," Brenner said. "They didn't see me interacting with the dolphin. They weren't there. These creatures basically have free will."

Brenner points out that some researchers have argued dolphins should be considered "non-human persons," because of their intelligence.

"What is repulsive about a relationship where both partners feel and express love for each other?" Brenner asked. "I know what I'm talking about here because after we made love, the dolphin put her snout on my shoulder, embraced me with her flippers and we stared into each others' eyes for about a minute."

"This was not some dog trying to hump my leg, okay. This was a 400-lb. wild-born female dolphin. She was an awesome creature."

"As self-aware mammals, dolphins are capable of making profound emotional attachments to other dolphins and, apparently, to selected humans as well," Brenner said. "A dolphin can die of loneliness, of a broken heart, of separation anxiety."

As evidence of his claims, Brenner points to the story of former trainer turned animal rights activist Richard O'Barry, who said he watched a dolphin living in captivity commit suicide in his arms.

He's not married, but Brenner said he has two ex-wives who knew about his fling with Dolly.

"Neither one objected," Brenner said.

His daughter from his first marriage even designed the book cover.

Brenner, who is now a freelance writer and photographer, started writing "Wet Goddess" in 1973 at the suggestion of Dr. John C. Lilly. Excerpts were published in the 1974 anthology "Mind In The Waters" and Penthouse, according to Brenner.

"I was still too emotionally raw from the experience and my writing skills were inadequate to the task," Brenner said.

He took it up again in 1994, finished the novel in 2000 and spent the next 10 years trying to get it published. Brenner said he shopped it around, but after "mainstream" publishers rejected "Wet Goddess," he decided to self-publish the book last year.

So far he has sold about 230 paperback copies and 20 e-books. Vendors sell it for $16.95 on Amazon.

"I wrote this book for dolphins because we are mistreating these animals by keeping them in captivity," Brenner said. "We should be attempting to communicate with them and treating them with more respect and dignity."

Brenner said he might consider another relationship with a dolphin in the future.

"Under the right circumstances I would if I had the energy for it," Brenner said. "I'm 40 years older now."
 
The baby made me do it!

A middle-aged woman went on a drunken rampage after downing six Budweisers and stripping to her underwear, police said today.
Marianne Porcaro, 51, knocked on a string of doors at the Holiday Inn, in Port St Lucie, South Florida, in the early hours of the morning.
Police found her in the hotel's swimming pool. When challenged, she claimed she was pregnant and that the baby had prompted her behaviour.
Porcaro now faces a disorderly intoxication charge after she was arrested on November 15, according to the report seen by NBC Miami.

Accused: A police report said Marianne Porcaro's underwear rampage was sparked by her pregnancy and a six pack of beer

Police officers were called to the hotel at 12.30am and were told that the she had been running around in her bra and panties and knocking on doors of other guests, the report said.
The fire alarm had also been pulled and the manager told the officer he believed Porcaro was behind that too.
Porcaro was found in the pool after apparently jumping over the fence because it was closed.

The officer told her to get out of the pool and asked what was behind the bizarre series of events.
The report stated: 'When asked why she was running around the hotel in her bra and panties and knocking on the other guest doors waking them up, she said she was pregnant.'
Porcaro said she 'had drank approximately a six pack of Budweiser and that was why she was acting the way she was', according to the the report.

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Hold up. So she was actually pregnant or was she just drunk and saying she was pregnant?
 
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