Give ‘em hell, Ricky! I’m telling ya, big mistake to cross the Fiesta Fox. The rest of us Raiders learned many moons ago that when Ricky feels an injustice has been done, getting him to back off is like trying to coax a woodchuck out of a lumberyard. It ain’t happening.
You fellas may recall that time Ricky ran for Student Body President back in ’73. Based his entire campaign on a platform of anti-female circumcision. Flipper had found an old National Geographic in the shitter at the Dirty and carried it home on account that one of the pictures on the inside featured a tribeswoman with these big chocolate nipples each the size of an alloy hubcap. We were all sitting around one night using pages from that magazine to roll up a few mooters of some respectable spruce Kreebie called Texaco Tiger Shark, on account that it was allegedly grown on a retired oil rig parked out in international waters.
Anyway, we’re busy tearing pages out of that magazine and taking bets on how many buffalo head nickels Foxy would be able to cram in his hind end. Suddenly, Ricky lets out this pained gasp, not unlike the time he found out Peaches had escaped. We were thinking he was upset ‘cause Schilling had made what appeared to be a pretty low ball guess of 115 nickels. But, no, the object of his distress was another matter all together.
In his hands, Foxy clutched the pages of an article detailing the ritual circumcision of young ladies in Zanzibar or Siam or some other such place in the dark heart of Africa. Now, I can’t imagine any fella in his right mind supporting such a practice, but to Foxy, this was a goddamn tragedy. He was, after all, a man who spent an immense number of his waking hours making sure his broads were deriving maximum delight from their pleasure peanut. You take away a dame’s bean, well….that was like removing an essential part of Foxy’s soul.
Lesser men would have read that article with a concerned face and moved on with their lives, myself included. But not the Fiesta Fox. Ricky didn’t hesitate for even a beat – took off in a dead sprint towards campus. And for the first time, Foxy entered the administrative offices of Reynolda Hall with the intent to do something other than unload the contents of his bowels into some dean’s file cabinet. Yep, on that day, Ricky filed to run for Student Body President.
As any of you old timers would remember, that was a campaign season unlike any other that had come previous. For damn sure it was the first time anyone had ever seen a candidate paint his campaign slogan directly onto the front doors of all the society houses: “If you want to protect your little man in the boat, give Rick Karlsruher your vote.”
For a while there we thought Ricky had a good shot. Initial questions about his sincerity were quashed following a series of tearful stump speeches delivered by Foxy during lunch hour in the Pit. Foxy also had a real clever campaign button done up in red with big white letters: “Don’t cut me off. Vote Rick.”
But, ultimately, it wasn’t to be. While Foxy did capture the support of all six voting-eligible Raiders, the rest of campus went with the safe choice of some jackleg who wanted to increase the number of minority associate professors or some such garbage. Didn’t help when the Old Gold & Black accused Ricky of being the Dick Bandit in a big front page article the week before the election. It was a real hit job. Man, you should have seen the letters to the editor Foxy penned after that little brouhaha. Makes the above Hatch letter look like a child’s wish list to Santa.