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Chat Thread: Ready for the reign/rain to end

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birdman said:
I spent 4 days at my in laws and my wife absolutely blew up at me on Saturday evening after I asked a totally innocuous question about packing the bagels her dad bought us in the suit cases for the flight back to FL. She sat down next to me with her lap top and I asked my question and she said she didn’t know and didn’t have the energy to talk about it. And I said something like ‘ok, but we are leaving in the morning and I want to pack up tonight so there is less stress tomorrow’ and she snapped at me with a stern and annoyed “I told you to leave me alone!” And I responded with something like “geez it’s just a simple question.” She stormed out of the room and shouted “don’t you dare raise your voice with me, I told I am not talking to you about this right now!” With an absolutely murderous look on her face.

Since Saturday night she has barely spoken to me and last night I slept in a separate room and I’ve been increasingly upset about what the fuck happened. Until just now when unpacking my suit case I see her open suit case next to mine with a bunch of papers on top. Looking at the papers, I see that her mother gave her a copy of her signed DNR and power of attorney documents and a paper printout of all their bank accounts and email and social media login and password info, and now I realize why she is so upset. Her mom is 81 and in physical decline and her dad is 82 and in rapid mental decline and her mother gave her all of this stuff just in case and it is obviously scary and sad. And then I had to persistently ask some dumb question about the fucking bagels. I feel like an asshole right now, but why the fuck wouldn’t she just tell me about the papers and how upset she was.
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I'm so sorry for the burden your wife will carry here (my wife and I are both likely going to be here as our parents decline). I'm not going to offer advice to her though only the best energy in the world for her. I'm also confident you'll support her as she needs.

You are now having to process the act of giving the papers, your wife’s understandably emotional response, and your own feelings of guilt about the blow up. Your feelings have value so don't be too hard on yourself. Your wife had the tough job of accepting such a difficult burden. But it's loving as well, though difficult, to help her parents and respect their wishes. Being supportive while not trying to "fix" something is probably my best reminder while navigating the initial situation. The longer term won't be easy, but hopefully it gets a little less difficult.
 
Asking someone why the fuck they're packing bagels in their suitcase is not uncalled for.

My wife brought home reindeer sausage and Minke whale sausage from Norway and I had to stand there while security searched her bags three different times in Norway, Amsterdam, and Atlanta.
 
BarcaDeac said:
Well, you see, my in-laws “normally don’t eat this stuff” (all of the chips, pastries, candy, cake that they load up with that were not requested). But then you’ll have my FIL snacking on pastry and cakes all day every day during our visit.
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This is 100 percent my father.

Makes a big deal of ordering a salad with fish and then eats all of the fries off my kids plates.
 
tigerswood said:
Wow, never heard of this, but it's pretty wild. Seems like quite a bit of open water in the Gulf and Atlantic for a pontoon boat.
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Yeah, it's kind of bonkers. He's talked about maybe cutting the armpit of Florida rather than hugging the coast, but man that seems like a bad idea. He's got a number of captains and commercial licenses and I've sailed with him in the islands a few times, so he definitely knows what he's doing on a boat but the pontoon just seems pretty tiny to be getting into any real open water.
 
birdman said:
Update: Turns out it was not about the papers, and I shouldn't go through her stuff, and she told me to leave her alone, and I am an asshole with a loud aggressive voice.
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Oh that’s so much worse. I’m sorry birdman. As the board’s resident expert on marital strife I truly feel for you
 
sounds like Biden was trying to take easter down in SLC
 
birdman said:
Update: Turns out it was not about the papers, and I shouldn't go through her stuff, and she told me to leave her alone, and I am an asshole with a loud aggressive voice.
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This is the point where I would start passive-aggressively whispering everything and make it all worse.
 
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