Donkey Deac Doug
Loves Dicks
Cowgirl?
A Choose Your Own Adventure thread
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TownieDeac
words are futile devices
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You have nominated a decider, who has chosen the perilous option 1.
Fortune favors the bold, and you have proven yourself bold indeed. Many have attempted this narrow path up the mountain cliffs, but few have survived. On the second eve up this pass, gravel starts to give way, and the elves cling to the mountain side, sending debris back toward you and making your footing unsteady.
You grasp at anything to hold on, but gravity wins the day, and you find yourself tumbling down the mountain, head over foot over head over foot. Bloodied and bruised you come to a landing 2/3 of the way down the mountain, your gear nowhere in sight, your left leg surely broken, agony and despair setting in.
For two long days trapped in a prison of pain and despair the sun beats down in the day with no water to slake your thirst, and for two desperate nights the moon looks down over a relentless cool with no cover for your chilled body. You find but a few beetles and roots to satisfy your hunger, but cling feebly to life.
In your darkest hour, a talking cat comes around a boulder and begins to speak to you. She says: “I am Osgilioph, Queen of the cats. I will save your life if you make one decision that shows cleverness, which we value over all else. If not, I cannot guarantee your safety. We cats are a proud and ancient kind, older than your people, and wiser still.
In days of old, we were revered for our ways, our skill in hunting, our cunning in danger, and our friendship to man. Now we have fallen out of favor with your people, relegated to the place of servitude, enslaved in your cities, defanged and declawed, and at your whim. I am the last of a long line of regal cats, and I must know what fate you see for our race.
Option 1: set my race free, let no man ever take a cat into his care and charge again, and agree that cats are the superior kind to your feeble humanity. In exchange I will heal your broken bones and give you a map which leads through the mountain and back up to the treasure you seek, but never again shall you be able to tame another beast of the wild.
Option 2: I will leave you supplies enough to survive for another fortnight, for ours is a merciful and noble race, but otherwise leave you on your own, for your wounds to heal or not, for the elements to take their toll, and to await whatever fate may come.
To make this next choice, whoever makes the post 47 posts from now shall be the next DECIDER.
Fortune favors the bold, and you have proven yourself bold indeed. Many have attempted this narrow path up the mountain cliffs, but few have survived. On the second eve up this pass, gravel starts to give way, and the elves cling to the mountain side, sending debris back toward you and making your footing unsteady.
You grasp at anything to hold on, but gravity wins the day, and you find yourself tumbling down the mountain, head over foot over head over foot. Bloodied and bruised you come to a landing 2/3 of the way down the mountain, your gear nowhere in sight, your left leg surely broken, agony and despair setting in.
For two long days trapped in a prison of pain and despair the sun beats down in the day with no water to slake your thirst, and for two desperate nights the moon looks down over a relentless cool with no cover for your chilled body. You find but a few beetles and roots to satisfy your hunger, but cling feebly to life.
In your darkest hour, a talking cat comes around a boulder and begins to speak to you. She says: “I am Osgilioph, Queen of the cats. I will save your life if you make one decision that shows cleverness, which we value over all else. If not, I cannot guarantee your safety. We cats are a proud and ancient kind, older than your people, and wiser still.
In days of old, we were revered for our ways, our skill in hunting, our cunning in danger, and our friendship to man. Now we have fallen out of favor with your people, relegated to the place of servitude, enslaved in your cities, defanged and declawed, and at your whim. I am the last of a long line of regal cats, and I must know what fate you see for our race.
Option 1: set my race free, let no man ever take a cat into his care and charge again, and agree that cats are the superior kind to your feeble humanity. In exchange I will heal your broken bones and give you a map which leads through the mountain and back up to the treasure you seek, but never again shall you be able to tame another beast of the wild.
Option 2: I will leave you supplies enough to survive for another fortnight, for ours is a merciful and noble race, but otherwise leave you on your own, for your wounds to heal or not, for the elements to take their toll, and to await whatever fate may come.
To make this next choice, whoever makes the post 47 posts from now shall be the next DECIDER.
Donkey Deac Doug
Loves Dicks
Anyone notice how quickly those bitch ass elves came to save us? Fuckin' two days down here and Ken and Peter Pan haven't even shouted down, "HAAAAAYYYYYYY!"
Donkey Deac Doug
Loves Dicks
We had a whole night to go fuckin' full Gollum on these ass wipes and shiv their elven bitch asses in their sleep. Instead, we gotta take the high road and not go full murder-hobo on these fucking pointy-eared shit bags. The thanks we get? They throw us off a cliff.
We gotta get outta here to shiv a bitch.
WindyCityDeac
Well-known member
So a broken leg and enough food for a fortnight?
Name one movie where the main characters DOESN’T survive that scenario. Or spend the rest of our non-limping lives serving our cat overlords.
Name one movie where the main characters DOESN’T survive that scenario. Or spend the rest of our non-limping lives serving our cat overlords.
Donkey Deac Doug
Loves Dicks
Can't put the pussy on a pedestal.
WindyCityDeac
Well-known member
Lord knows I’ve learned that the hard way
It may be the title of my autobiography
DeacInVermont
Well-known member
Is this the future we want?
Wakeforest22890
Snowpom
We aren’t bowing down to damn cats. Obviously we need to take choice two and when we get out, hunt down the elves AND the cat folks to mete out appropriate judgment
TimmyClutch
Well-known member
Considering we are currently lying at the bottom of a crevasse with a broken leg and no supplies, maybe the author is trying to tell us that taking shortcuts and quick fixes isn’t the way to succeed in this adventure.
HuskyDeac
Well-known member
Or you don't just cave at the first "inconvenience" in life.
wakegrrl
Hurricane Goddess
Meow
TimmyClutch
Well-known member
We already betrayed the elves to the dragons, and now we are going to side with the cats over the humans? Who are we the beast master?
Donkey Deac Doug
Loves Dicks
First off, that movie me gave me nightmares as a young child.
Secondly, we never sided with the dragon, and the bitch ass elves threw us off a cliff.
Meow I get why Mako is pro cat. Because his family has more pets of more variety than a zoo. And typically I would be fully on team Mako.
However, other folks have made a good point about this not being the time to cut and run. I agree with that.
If the cat clan truly is merciful, then they would let us die if there's no hope of us escaping. They wouldn't just feed us enough to keep us alive torturing ourselves for a few more weeks. Maybe that's where clever comes in.
I don’t want to start a boards feud here or anything, but Doug’s series of bad choices lead us here to the bottom of the crevasse with a broken leg. His anti-elf bigotry and rash and hasty drive to get the treasure as quickly as possible is what led us to fall off a cliff and be at the mercy of these fucking cats. Maybe let’s not listen to him on this cat decision.
I say we take the supplies and see if a better option comes along in the next two weeks.
I say we take the supplies and see if a better option comes along in the next two weeks.