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Greatest Dump Thread...

Caturday

Caturday

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In honor of the Great Novel thread, here we can discuss our greatest shit.

i was in Maine one time "skiing" with an ex gf and her family. We'd been up there a few days when I notice that I hadn't taken a dump. The cabin was very nice on the inside but lacked good plumbing for a megadump. That night we'd gone out to dinner when I felt the urge but stupidly didn't do the deed there. By the time we get home I'm in physical discomfort and unleash on their toilet which of course overflows shit water everywhere. We had to get her dad to help me clean it up and then drove 45 minutes to the only "town" in the area for de-shitifying provisions. I was horribly embarrassed. Then the next night I have to go again. Fool me once shame on you fool me twice throw the log out of a window and bury it in snow.
 
Caturday said:
In honor of the Great Novel thread, here we can discuss our greatest shit.

i was in Maine one time "skiing" with an ex gf and her family. We'd been up there a few days when I notice that I hadn't taken a dump. The cabin was very nice on the inside but lacked good plumbing for a megadump. That night we'd gone out to dinner when I felt the urge but stupidly didn't do the deed there. By the time we get home I'm in physical discomfort and unleash on their toilet which of course overflows shit water everywhere. We had to get her dad to help me clean it up and then drove 45 minutes to the only "town" in the area for de-shitifying provisions. I was horribly embarrassed. Then the next night I have to go again. Fool me once shame on you fool me twice throw the log out of a window and bury it in snow.
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Post exams senior year I cleared a party of 50 out of house we rented that was large enough to house 16. I'm sure CDeacMan remembers this fondly.
 
also, I was in Europe Jr year with a big group of students (people to people FTW) Somewhere in Austria in some hostel our bathroom was at the end of the hall next to my room (with 3 other guys on the trip). One morning we each took a huge crap one after another before anyone else could get in. The whole floor smelled like shit and all the girls had to use the bathroom. It was pretty hilarious.
 
The best dumps are the ones you get paid to take.
 
Nothing worse than clogging a toilet at a girlfriend's house.

Post graduation (I think it was after the Stanford game '09) I played beer pong at student aps, and in between games I had to take care of business. The toilet was located right next to the beer pong table, and after a few minutes I heard knocking 'hurry up we're ready to play'. I flushed, opened the door without spraying, and unleashed the scent. Horrific reactions from anyone within a 20 foot radius. Everyone had their shirts over their noses (except when taking a shot). I lost the game, said goodbye to friends, and went to the next party.

Come to think of it...this was the last time I've seen this group of friends...so I doubt I'm invited to their weddings.
 
I'm a 6 ft, 170 lb guy, and took one a few months ago that filled the entire water part of the toilet and came out of the water a few inches. Must have weighed 8-9 lbs (or a few Couric's). It looked like a brown mountain.

I didn't eat anything unusual, my body just went nuts. I was so proud of myself, and had no one to share this information with until this thread. So thanks for starting it.
 
i have no story to share, but just wanted to go on record in saying this thread's equivalent on the suque is one of the best things that ever happened to the internet.
 
i was on a cruise ship once and was doing the deed on one of those toilets that uses crazy suction power to get rid of your dookie. You know, like an extremely powerful airplane toilet. My mom told me that those kind of toilets have the power to suck your intestines out if you sit too close to the suction device. Needless to say, the density of this ginormous excrement was so great that even the force of the suction could not fracture it. I ran around and told all of my family members that they needed to come see it. It was truly an amazing feat.

After 5 or 6 flushing attempts failed to slay this fecal hydra, I had to take an axe to the beast (by axe I mean one of those toilet cleaning brushes) to break it apart.

I have never been prouder of anything else my body has produced. I loved that poo like a child and mourned its loss like I had lost the only heir to the Juicekthx dynasty.
 
I have trouble going if I am in a strange place with other people...and I can't use a porto-potty. So I went camping once, pigged out and held it for 3 days. When I got home what I had made resembled a human and seemed to have its own nervous system.
 
Went to a rowdy wedding in Memphis once for a college friend, one of those every-minute-spent-drinking affairs. On Sunday before heading to the airport we hit up a Denny's for some greasy hangover cure food. I don't know what was going on in my stomach during the flight, but as soon as we landed things started getting interesting, lots of weird noises and things moving around in there. By the time I got in my buddy's car to get home it became a full alarm, DEFCON 1 situation. I was literally squirming around in the seat, breathing hard and every time we'd hit a pothole or speed bump I would have to lift my ass off the seat and hold my breath so I didn't explode in my pants. It was only a 20 minute drive back to our house but it felt like 2 hours and I was sweating profusely the whole way.

I can't describe the feeling I had when I finally made it back, dropped my bag at once and speed walked with my hand cupping my ass to bathroom and let it go. All I know is I got light-headed and afterward I had a runner's high, endorphins and all. I think I sat on the pot for a full half hour.
 
The 96 Olympics in Atlanta. I had been walking around for a few days eating crappy food and drinking beer without having a movement. We were in the Handball venue when I let out a truly epic bit of flatulence in regard to its odor, which caused my friend sitting beside me to remark "My Dear God!!!!" followed by me making a hasty exit to the restroom while trying not to die laughing. What followed in the bathroom was a truly legendary occurance.
 
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have a buddy in college that went to pick up a girl he was dating at her parents house. dropped a deuce and realized there was no tp. he used his boxers and clogged the toilet. the over flow was apparently so impressive that he climbed out the window and left. he never saw or spoke to her again. she did not even call him to yell at him.

i dropped a pretty impressive one at work once. truly terrible. flushed and exited the stall and walked straight for the sink. a guy walks in and right to the same stall i had been in seconds after i exited it. he was moving pretty quickly so i assumed he was in some distress. i said, "i kept the seat warm for you" right before he sat down.
 
I always like to remind my friend who is getting married in June that if I hadn't sharted one night, he would have never met his future wife.

The shart was meant to be aka the shart heard round the world.
 
deaconson said:
have a buddy in college that went to pick up a girl he was dating at her parents house. dropped a deuce and realized there was no tp. he used his boxers and clogged the toilet. the over flow was apparently so impressive that he climbed out the window and left. he never saw or spoke to her again. she did not even call him to yell at him.

i dropped a pretty impressive one at work once. truly terrible. flushed and exited the stall and walked straight for the sink. a guy walks in and right to the same stall i had been in seconds after i exited it. he was moving pretty quickly so i assumed he was in some distress. i said, "i kept the seat warm for you" right before he sat down.
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he tried to flush the boxers!?! what did he think was going to happen?
 
Never flush anything thicker than paper towels. I've thrown boxers out of a window several times in my life, or just throw them in the trash if you're at a restaurant.
 
In high school I was dating this really awkward kid for a few weeks and one night we were hanging out in my basement and he said he needed to use the restroom. At the time, there wasn't a bathroom in the basement and the one on the first floor was in my parents' room so he went up to the top level to use my/my brother's bathroom. About 30 minutes went by and he still hadn't come back down so I went upstairs and asked my parents if they'd seen him and they said he had left. His excuse was that when he walked past my parents to go upstairs they thought he was leaving and said goodbye... so he just left. So really I have to imagine that he had an experience like deaconson's friend.
 
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