Is someone threatening my dong?

[ibleedgoldandblack]

Today, I got a stamped envelope addressed to "Occupant." The handwritten letter inside said:

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I am sure you have been told before that your dong bounces incessantly when you jog, causing my wife to whine and cry for hours on end as she watches -- your male neighbors find this very annoying and hesitate to get naked in front of our wives without giving you a chance to rectify the situation, but if we have to, we will --
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My wife is concerned that the neighborhood wives are going to throw themselves over our fence as a treat for me.

She is also concerned that my dong is being threatened by this letter.

Any ideas how to handle this? Anybody ever dealt with anything similar to this?

 

[DistrictDeacon]

Shock collar. I use it on mine when I go into the office and they learn pretty damn fast.

 

[ibleedgoldandblack]

Shock collar. I use it on mine when I go into the office and they learn pretty damn fast.

Pretty sure this post is on the wrong thread, but it is definitely funnier on this thread than the other one.

 

[RJKarl]

It would be a very small threat.