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#SheWomanManHatersClub

DeacHoops said:
thanks ladies! now i just have to have my dad's buy-in. after the arguments we've already gotten into, i doubt he'll give me too much push back on something that would greatly reduce stress.
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what have been controversies so far?
 
over where i get married. they're REALLY pushing for charlotte. i REALLY don't want charlotte. both of our families live in the area (charlotte, cornelius, mooresville), so it obviously makes sense to get married here, but asheville or other mountain towns really just fit with dhtoy's and my personality SO much better. we really want a venue that feels like "us", so we've kind of defaulted to the mountains. but my parents are thinking of my cousins/aunts/uncles/etc and being like "seriously, you're going to make them pay for a hotel room, when they have NEVER paid for a hotel room for a family wedding before." i get where he's coming from, but i had my heart set on the mountains. basically, i'm being a spoiled brat and focusing on what i want, rather than what's easiest on everybody else. i know it's my fault, but i just had a vision for what i wanted, and am really unwilling to let go of that vision.
 
DeacHoops said:
over where i get married. they're REALLY pushing for charlotte. i REALLY don't want charlotte. both of our families live in the area (charlotte, cornelius, mooresville), so it obviously makes sense to get married here, but asheville or other mountain towns really just fit with dhtoy's and my personality SO much better. we really want a venue that feels like "us", so we've kind of defaulted to the mountains. but my parents are thinking of my cousins/aunts/uncles/etc and being like "seriously, you're going to make them pay for a hotel room, when they have NEVER paid for a hotel room for a family wedding before." i get where he's coming from, but i had my heart set on the mountains. basically, i'm being a spoiled brat and focusing on what i want, rather than what's easiest on everybody else. i know it's my fault, but i just had a vision for what i wanted, and am really unwilling to let go of that vision.
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hm.
yeah, that sucks. especially when that vision is pretty critical to the ENTIRE day/experience. i understand where he's coming from, but at the same time... it is YOUR day and experience. is there anywhere down around crowder mountain that would be a compromise-ish? also, if you di somewhere like highlands, that's what- 3 hours from charlotte? if you're willing to do an earlier ceremony/reception, people could theoretically leave and drive home... then it'd be their call if they wanted to do a hotel or drive.
 
yeah, these are all options that are being tossed around. no decisions yet. we'll see.
 
DeacHoops said:
over where i get married. they're REALLY pushing for charlotte. i REALLY don't want charlotte. both of our families live in the area (charlotte, cornelius, mooresville), so it obviously makes sense to get married here, but asheville or other mountain towns really just fit with dhtoy's and my personality SO much better. we really want a venue that feels like "us", so we've kind of defaulted to the mountains. but my parents are thinking of my cousins/aunts/uncles/etc and being like "seriously, you're going to make them pay for a hotel room, when they have NEVER paid for a hotel room for a family wedding before." i get where he's coming from, but i had my heart set on the mountains. basically, i'm being a spoiled brat and focusing on what i want, rather than what's easiest on everybody else. i know it's my fault, but i just had a vision for what i wanted, and am really unwilling to let go of that vision.
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It's your wedding! You should be focusing on what you want! Obviously when your parents are paying for it it is polite to keep their opinions under consideration but just from girl thread/group I know that the mountains have always been pretty central to your wedding vision. I don't think you should have to compromise that.
 
Also maybe family will take it as an opportunity to explore and enjoy the mountains.
 
yeah.

it would be one thing if it were a cost-prohibitive thing for many people who want to attend your wedding... i know that we are fortunate J's family already lives in the mountains. but if you believe people who's attendance you value would still be able to come, i think the mountains should ultimately win.
 
is jake gyllenhaal normal?


basically i need to know if it's OK to find him incredibly attractive or if there's some kind of crazy lurking in the closet that i should be aware of.
 
i think my family would come regardless. for some, it may actually be a financial burden. for most it wouldn't. but most of dhtoy's family wouldn't come. i mean, the immediate family would, and some of the first cousins. but he has 14 first cousins, and no joke, over 200 second cousins (his grandmother was 1 of 20 kids). they all grew up on the same road in mooresville. they're all very, very good friends. and essentially NONE of the second cousins, and some of the first cousins, wouldn't come if it were out of town. i asked his mom what she wanted, and she said "do what you want. the important people will be there." but i can't get past the fact that none of his cousins would come from out of town. it's FAMILY. i can make difficult cuts when it comes to friends. but family? i can't do that :(
 
DeacHoops said:
i think my family would come regardless. for some, it may actually be a financial burden. for most it wouldn't. but most of dhtoy's family wouldn't come. i mean, the immediate family would, and some of the first cousins. but he has 14 first cousins, and no joke, over 200 second cousins (his grandmother was 1 of 20 kids). they all grew up on the same road in mooresville. they're all very, very good friends. and essentially NONE of the second cousins, and some of the first cousins, wouldn't come if it were out of town. i asked his mom what she wanted, and she said "do what you want. the important people will be there." but i can't get past the fact that none of his cousins would come from out of town. it's FAMILY. i can make difficult cuts when it comes to friends. but family? i can't do that :(
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how adamantly does DHToy want for them to attend?
 
and one of TWENTY kids?!


:willynilly:
 
Could you do what more destinationy type weddings do? Wedding + small reception in the mountains and later a reception in the hometown?
 
awakeandready said:
Could you do what more destinationy type weddings do? Wedding + small reception in the mountains and later a reception in the hometown?
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rent a tent and have a monster pig pickin' w/ the family in mooresville!
 
lbE08 said:
how adamantly does DHToy want for them to attend?
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it's hard to tell. i think the problem isn't so much whether or not they come. i think the problem is whether or not we invite them. like some of them he's closer to than others. but they're all the same relationship to him (like, they're all second cousins), so he feels like we either invite all of them, or none of them. and that's the hard part. getting out of town would solve that problem, but create others. we have no idea what to do at this point. i really don't want to hurt people's feelings, especially when those people are family :(
 
DeacHoops said:
i think my family would come regardless. for some, it may actually be a financial burden. for most it wouldn't. but most of dhtoy's family wouldn't come. i mean, the immediate family would, and some of the first cousins. but he has 14 first cousins, and no joke, over 200 second cousins (his grandmother was 1 of 20 kids). they all grew up on the same road in mooresville. they're all very, very good friends. and essentially NONE of the second cousins, and some of the first cousins, wouldn't come if it were out of town. i asked his mom what she wanted, and she said "do what you want. the important people will be there." but i can't get past the fact that none of his cousins would come from out of town. it's FAMILY. i can make difficult cuts when it comes to friends. but family? i can't do that :(
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Seems rather selfish on the cousins' part to silently demand an in-town/close-by wedding IMO.
 
DeacHoops said:
it's hard to tell. i think the problem isn't so much whether or not they come. i think the problem is whether or not we invite them. like some of them he's closer to than others. but they're all the same relationship to him (like, they're all second cousins), so he feels like we either invite all of them, or none of them. and that's the hard part. getting out of town would solve that problem, but create others. we have no idea what to do at this point. i really don't want to hurt people's feelings, especially when those people are family :(
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I would say have it in the mountains and invite everyone.

I feel like not coming to a family member's wedding because it is out of town (and not even that far) actually warrants hurt feelings whereas being upset that someone didn't get married in the same town is ridiculous (unless it's a financial issue).
 
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DeacHoops said:
over where i get married. they're REALLY pushing for charlotte. i REALLY don't want charlotte. both of our families live in the area (charlotte, cornelius, mooresville), so it obviously makes sense to get married here, but asheville or other mountain towns really just fit with dhtoy's and my personality SO much better. we really want a venue that feels like "us", so we've kind of defaulted to the mountains. but my parents are thinking of my cousins/aunts/uncles/etc and being like "seriously, you're going to make them pay for a hotel room, when they have NEVER paid for a hotel room for a family wedding before." i get where he's coming from, but i had my heart set on the mountains. basically, i'm being a spoiled brat and focusing on what i want, rather than what's easiest on everybody else. i know it's my fault, but i just had a vision for what i wanted, and am really unwilling to let go of that vision.
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That line gets to the heart of the issue. Don't over-complicate wedding planning. Keep it fun. Try to pick the handful of things that you really care about and be more flexible with the others. If venue is one so be it. Within those issues stay true to what you want and find a way to make them happen.

When dealing outside of the chosen handful of items, find people/professionals with which you feel comfortable and discuss your budget. After that, give them some room to do what they do.

For those few that thrive on enjoying every little detail, micromanage the planning all you want.

Sorry to drive by post on your thread.:)
 
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