i wish i had the nuts to stand up to the wife on this shit:
http://deadspin.com/down-with-big-birthday-1502731122
http://deadspin.com/down-with-big-birthday-1502731122
The Solution
Here is what I propose, to end all of this angst and toil: No more birthday parties. No more paper hats. No more awkwardly standing in the corner and mouthing out the lyrics to "Happy Birthday" for another kid so that you look invested in his celebration. No more $400 gym parties. You get cupcakes at home, with your family, and the dinner of your choice. And maybe a couple of gifts. Not an ongoing conveyor belt of gifts from friends and families and uncles and the Franklin Mint. If we don't get a hold on Big Birthday right now, this will just keep spiraling and spiraling until we're all fucking broke and destitute because everyone in the class had to have his or her birthday party in Majorca. No more.