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Chat Thread 72: the saga of iCheat, her betrothed, and the Apple Genius (start at 62)

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Fuck it, YOLO. Seriously though, I am so fucked. If I die, it was at the hands of a dude named Jerard. Played under Butch Davis. Alert the authorities.
 
Dude is driving 100. Oh fuck man. Seriously, we are fucked.
 
Nice, that's like a mega strip club from my internet research.
 
This strip club is the biggest building I've ever seen. Looks like that building where they make space shuttles.
 
I did use the word "mega". Sounds about right.

Alright, I'm hitting the sack. Stay safe out there.
 
Got to Tootsies. immediately jumped in cab. Headed back to downtown. I know you are all fascinated. Telling cabbie about our abduction. He is laughing. Cool dude.
 
I'm not mad at Jerard. Just wish he had asked before driving us like 50 miles from South Beach. Was having a good time. Dude's car got a little banged up, but I'm good. Wish El Chupe were here. El Chupe! Fuck. At least we're going to live. That building is like 19 Super Walmarts. We promised we would remain in control of our destiny tonight and FAILED. Should never have gotten in that car. Let this be a lesson to you youngsters.
 
We drove literally 170 blocks from our intended destination. And the chick was MARRIED who was stroking Jerard's hand and neck. Now I feel guilty. I fostered that. I allowed that to happen. I am so sorry. I didn't know. We got kidnapped. Can fare is already $32 and we still have miles to go.
 
This Brian Austin Green Simmons podcast is amazing

BS (starts with a serious question): Who was your best friend on the cast.
BAG (gives a serious heartfelt answer): Luke ..... he's just a really down to earth cool guy
BS: Did you pick a side in the Kelly Taylor choosing in between Brandon and Dylan, do you have an opinion on that?
BAG: ....no
BS: She choose herself
 
FYI in case anyone is wondering 2 year olds don't celebrate daylight savings time.
 
Married man goes to visit deacondeuse69, also married, in Miami. Night 1: dudes going out to bar to meet friend of deacondeuse69. Instead, get into a total goat rope and find ourselves aboard the train of some Venezuelan 23-year-old who doesn't work and has super rich parents and a 32-year-old dude who owns an art/marble business and is also very rich, but completely miserable and hates his life (he opened up to me after like his 15th vodka drink). Instead of going to bar we wanted to go to, we end up first at this strange, empty, penthouse condo with like 5 Euro dudes and 2 women. One Euro is wearing a vest. None seem to have jobs, but are all fabulously wealthy. Blow is present (Palma!). Kind of thought Miserable Dude may fall off balcony, as he is hammered and leaning against edge, so I was nervous. From there, end up at some club of their choosing that is in "Mid-Town," which means there is a Ross and Supercuts across the street. Not impressed by Mid-Town Miami. Bar is small, loud and jammed up with Euros, though I did smell reefer. Not a good time. Got pretty banged up, but kept it together. El Chupe would have killed himself. Got home real late.

Day/Night 2: vow to follow our plan no matter what, as Day 1 soured when we lost control. Works perfectly for a while. South Beach. Pool party at some hotel where door guy tries to make us pay $1k to get in, and there is topless cougar inside with giant foobs, and lots of tall hot chicks who look like models and dudes who look like the Situation. It was like being at the zoo. At night, hop to a few different South Beach bars with deacondeuse co-worker chick and her friend. Both in 40s. Not hot, but cool and partying. Somewhere along the way, big black dude, former Miami Hurricane football player, joins us. Nice guy. Gives us street cred. Still partying. Real drunk. Decide collectively to hit next place, get in dude's car to drive 4 blocks, instead suddenly we're on I-95 north driving 110 mph en route to Tootsies, which UM guy had mentioned earlier in passing. Life flashes before eyes. Apparently documented what I believed to be final moments on CT. During ride, deacondeuse co-worker chick is holding hands with UM guy, find out later she is married with child (oops!). Finally get to Tootsies, which is enormous, me and deacondeuse immediately get in cab and head back to town rather than partake of that scene. Drunk as donkeys. Hung over now.

Fin.
 
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