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30 Great One Liners

Ambrose Bierce, author of The Devil's Dictionary (1842-1913): 'War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.'

When I first read this quote I thought for sure that it was from something recent. I guess some things never change.
 
"I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do - and for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'"
 
chris rock - “I would never hit a woman in my life but I’ll shake the shit out of her.”
 

“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” --Jebus

feel better?
 
Why, because the setup sentence and punchline sentence are next to each other? And at least on my monitor, the second sentence wraps onto a second line.

because it's a one-line joke with a set up and a punchline. just like this one: "I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
 
“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” --Jebus

feel better?

clearly you missed his joke, and 923 isn't a baby jeebus freak either, moon
 
Dogs are forever in the pushup position.
 
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