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30 Great One Liners

Ambrose Bierce, author of The Devil's Dictionary (1842-1913): 'War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.'

When I first read this quote I thought for sure that it was from something recent. I guess some things never change.
 
"I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do - and for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'"
 
chris rock - “I would never hit a woman in my life but I’ll shake the shit out of her.”
 
Deacon923 said:
meh.
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“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” --Jebus

feel better?
 
smallbigtall said:
Why, because the setup sentence and punchline sentence are next to each other? And at least on my monitor, the second sentence wraps onto a second line.
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because it's a one-line joke with a set up and a punchline. just like this one: "I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already."
 
Marquee Moon said:
“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” --Jebus

feel better?
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clearly you missed his joke, and 923 isn't a baby jeebus freak either, moon
 
Dogs are forever in the pushup position.
 
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