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a letter to my wife who won't get a job while I work myself to death

my wife generally makes about as much as i do (depending on bonuses), and i expect that if/when we have kids she'll take some time off. it'll depend on timing and if we decide to stay in the most expensive city in america on length of her staying out of the workforce. when we first got out of school she couldn't imagine not going back to work ASAP, but as she's seen friends start families i think she's softened in that regard. i also think her current gig where she's working like 30 hrs a week and hitting the gym/doing lunches 2 hrs a day has made her more interested in part-time/stay-at-home options.
 
I'd love to have a split where my future wife and I work like 30 hours a week and are able to be home for the kids most of the time they're out of school.

I'm counting on that automation and universal basic income, baby!
 
JuiceCrewAllStar said:
I'd love to have a split where my future wife and I work like 30 hours a week and are able to be home for the kids most of the time they're out of school.

I'm counting on that automation and universal basic income, baby!
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That's essentially what my wife and I have. We do keep them in after school/day care pretty late because they stay up late anyway.

What are you and your spouses' daily routines, especially those with kids?
 
Shorty said:
Some go to expensive universities in order to meet a husband that will enable them to stay home for the rest of their lives. I dated a girl at Wake who when we were talking about what we wanted to do after graduation, said all she wanted to do was play tennis and take care of her husband.
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Yeah and it sucks they take a slot from someone who wants to use the education.
 
My wife hasn't worked since the wedding in May but will be starting soon. Our plan is to live solely on my income and put her's towards debt and savings. That way when we have kids she can have the option to stay home and it won't be a financial issue.

I have to say that it is pretty nice having dinner ready when I get home and my lunches and breakfasts made for me and not having to worry about doing all of the household responsibilities.
 
2&2 Slider To Leyritz said:
Then is every decision about whether or not to hire someone based on whether or not they can do the job discriminatory? A big part of any job, especially from the employer's perspective, is the ability of the employee to consistently show up. Would you hire someone who lives 50 miles away and doesn't have a car, even if they say they will show up every day? Would you hire someone whose prior employer said they called out sick too often, even if they say they will show up every day? If you don't hire either of those because you assume, based on general common sense and past experience, that they won't be a good fit for the job because you have doubts about their ability to consistently show up, is that discriminatory? If so, then "discriminatory" is simply a synonym for having to make a decision. If not, then why is it discriminatory to use that same common sense and past experience in this case?
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I really don't want to derail this thread, but yes. You're saying that because I have a uterus and am of the age where I can have a baby, I am somehow incapable of showing up - with no personal history of any issues in that regard. Hell, you don't even know if I WANT to have a kid; you're just straight-up assuming things and treating my uterus as a liability. Here's the flipside, and why it is wrong: with the uptick in men being stay-at-home dads and men taking longer paternity leave, do you ask a guy if he and his SO plan to have kids when deciding whether or not to hire him? If he's not the main breadwinner, you could lose him to be a SAHD just as easily as you could lose a woman... or he could also take a significant amount of paternity leave and be gone for a few months just like a woman would. I'm guessing you probably don't ask that, though, since it's illegal.

Rule of thumb: if you legally are not allowed to ask the questions of a man that would get you to the same assumption you can make about a woman, you should *probably* not use that thing against the woman.
 
He's trolling.

We both work and intend to keep at it. The longer we have two incomes now, the sooner we can retire. Thankfully our daycare is open till 6:30, that affords a lot of flexibility to try and keep regular work hours.
 
06deacon said:
He's trolling.

We both work and intend to keep at it. The longer we have two incomes now, the sooner we can retire. Thankfully our daycare is open till 6:30, that affords a lot of flexibility to try and keep regular work hours.
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based on every post he's ever made on the subject, he's NOT trolling.

Yeah, your approach makes sense. Do it as long as you can, especially when the childcare is available/convenient to you like it is.
 
The wife and I are DINKs at the moment - we make exactly the same salary somehow (although I have a bonus structure) and she works from home. It could not be more ideal for eventual baby times unless we were getting paid to drink and watch sports.
 
lbE08 said:
based on every post he's ever made on the subject, he's NOT trolling.

Yeah, your approach makes sense. Do it as long as you can, especially when the childcare is available/convenient to you like it is.
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He is definitely trolling.
 
It is pretty nice that as a man, I don't have to be pregnant
 
I think you guys are giving him too hard of a time. I just skimmed the article, but I thought he said he had tried numerous times to discuss this with his wife - even begging here to go back to work. When my wife and I discussed this issue 18 years ago, we never really talked about what she would do, once the kids got old enough to be at home by themselves. I can see where that could become an issue years down the road.

I agree he needs to trade down in his career and they should adjust their lifestyle accordingly - but from experience, that is MUCH EASIER said than done.
 
06deacon said:
He's trolling.

We both work and intend to keep at it. The longer we have two incomes now, the sooner we can retire. Thankfully our daycare is open till 6:30, that affords a lot of flexibility to try and keep regular work hours.
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Ours is as well. We pick up by 6 though. It's a pricey establishment and most of the parents are mid to late 30s and older. Very few young parents. Good number of hot moms though.
 
PhDeac said:
Ours is as well. We pick up by 6 though. It's a pricey establishment and most of the parents are mid to late 30s and older. Very few young parents. Good number of hot moms though.
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#humblebrag

We also pick up by 6 at a facility that is open until 6:30. It's not as fancy as Ph's though.

We both have a lot of flexibility in our jobs for working alternate schedules or from home that's nice.
 
lbE08 said:
I really don't want to derail this thread, but yes. You're saying that because I have a uterus and am of the age where I can have a baby, I am somehow incapable of showing up - with no personal history of any issues in that regard. Hell, you don't even know if I WANT to have a kid; you're just straight-up assuming things and treating my uterus as a liability. Here's the flipside, and why it is wrong: with the uptick in men being stay-at-home dads and men taking longer paternity leave, do you ask a guy if he and his SO plan to have kids when deciding whether or not to hire him? If he's not the main breadwinner, you could lose him to be a SAHD just as easily as you could lose a woman... or he could also take a significant amount of paternity leave and be gone for a few months just like a woman would. I'm guessing you probably don't ask that, though, since it's illegal.

Rule of thumb: if you legally are not allowed to ask the questions of a man that would get you to the same assumption you can make about a woman, you should *probably* not use that thing against the woman.
Click to expand...

No, I'm not saying you are incapable of showing up. I'm saying that what I need to attempt to determine is whether the odds of you consistently showing up are greater or less than the odds of the other applicant(s) showing up, for whatever reason in the totality of the situation. If, all else being equal, the other applicant is a dude without a car who lives 50 miles away, then your uterus is getting the job. If the other applicant is a 55-year-old woman with grown kids out of the house who lives close by, then she'll probably get the job over your uterus.

And hell yes I'm making the same determinations for a male applicant. If he is married to a doctor or other high-level career woman and he is applying for an entry level job while she brings home the bacon, then I'm viewing him the same way I would a woman who I suspect will leave for kids and not come back. Those situations just simply aren't as common yet, but the same considerations apply.
 
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