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Best opening lines

"I'm voting for Dukakis."

"Mr. Jones, of the Manor Farm, had locked the hen-houses for the night, but was too drunk to remember to shut the pop-holes."

"This is a tale of a meeting of two lonesome, skinny, fairly old white men on a planet which was dying fast."

"The story so far: In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

"All this happened, more or less."

"Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and razor lay crossed."
 
I put the shotgun in an Adidas bag and padded it out with four pairs of tennis socks, not my style at all, but that was what I was aiming for: If they think you're crude, go technical; if they think you're technical, go crude.
 
Call me Jonah. My parents did, or nearly did. They called me John.
 
“As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.”
 
My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood; this is my street; this is my life. I am 42 years old; in less than a year I will be dead. Of course I don't know that yet, and in a way, I am dead already.
 
Huh? I am not a bum. I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things: my friends and... uh... my thermos. Huh? My story? Okay. It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi.
 
"Mmm. I look good. I mean, really good. Hey, everyone! Come and see how good I look!"
 
The terror, which would not end for another twenty-eight years-if it ever did end-began, so far as I know or can tell, with a boat made from a sheet of newspaper floating down a gutter swollen with rain
 
"Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker."
 
"Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta. She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita."
 
Not a song, but music to our ears:
"Jeff and I started the annual review of our basketball program this afternoon and spent a length of time discussing what has transpired in the last four years as well as the progress that has been made in the program both on and off the court. At the end of the conversation, Jeff informed me that he planned to resign. I accepted his offer to resign and thanked him for everything that he has done over the last four years."
 
Douglas Adams was the master of opening lines.

Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small, unregarded yellow sun.

The regular early morning yell of horror was the sound of Arthur Dent waking up and suddenly remembering where he was.

The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
 
"To be born again," sang Gibreel Farishta tumbling from the heavens, "first you have to die."
 
All the leaves are brown and the sky is gray.
I've been for a walk on a winter's day.
 
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