• Welcome to OGBoards 10.0, keep in mind that we will be making LOTS of changes to smooth out the experience here and make it as close as possible functionally to the old software, but feel free to drop suggestions or requests in the Tech Support subforum!

The Fattest Thing You've Ever Done

WFUWaldo

WFUWaldo

Steve Lepore
Joined
Mar 17, 2011
Messages
2,042
Reaction score
222
Location
Chicago, IL
Inspired by this article: http://thoughtcatalog.com/hok-leahcim/2014/06/27-people-confess-to-the-fattest-thing-theyve-ever-done/

Some gems:

2. I told my wife I was going to the gym, but somehow I ended up going to Mcdonald’s instead. I ate my cheeseburgers in a parking lot, and waited a little while until it seemed long enough for a workout. When I got home, I poured water on my head and shirt to look like I had been sweating. That is the absolute saddest and fattest thing I have ever done.
Click to expand...

3. I ate half of a cake once when I should have only one piece. I was horrified and didn’t want anyone to know, so I finished the cake, baked a whole new one, forced myself to eat the one allowed piece. Then I barfed in the middle of dinner.
Click to expand...

14. I did this somewhat on accident once after eating at a Chinese place and then a Mexican establishment. This is a dangerous combination. The aftermath hit me on the way home. I ended up driving about 90 mph with one hand on the wheel and the other holding my butt cheeks together as tears streamed down my face. I was thrusting my pelvis into the air to get maximum leverage against the unstoppable force making its way out of me. I pulled into my driveway on an angle with my driver’s side door closest to my house door and didn’t worry about closing any of them or shutting my car off as I sprinted in to the bathroom. I made it with no time to spare. It was a great victory.
Click to expand...

27. One night – after smoking a few bowls – I ordered Dominos. I ate 16 Parmesan Bread Bites, 2 Medium BBQ Chicken Pizzas, and drank a 2 liter of Diet Coke.
Click to expand...

Share yours!
 
I think drinking a six pack of duck rabbit milk stout in one sitting may be up there for me...
 
This one slayed me.

16. This would’ve been cool with more people

Going back about seven years, height of depression, girlfriend was a complete psycho bitch, etc. One weekend, she was going to be out of town and I tried to organize a get together with some friends. We agreed on a Friday evening and I planned the most awesomest sexiest party there ever was.

I didn’t account for the fact that as they were all wifed and children’d up, every single one of them flaked the very day of the event. All with cuntbag excuses like “The child is ill” or “the wife has a headache” or “I forgot I have to wake up early tomorrow because wife’s parents are in town that evening and I have to buy some shoes” or some fuckbollocks. When the last one called, I didn’t even wait for the excuse – cue a bunch of texts about me being an asshole.

Shame. It would have been cool too! I had such great plans for the evening.

In a depressive rage, I still ordered enough pizza for 12 people with sides. I spent that Friday night with a bunch of beer, 8 large Dominos pizzas, some movies I’d bought but not got around to seeing and near on two 20x packs of Marlboro ciggies. I finished the evening by letting off about £200 worth of fireworks I’d bought for the occasion.

On the one hand, in a drunken manic depressive rage, fireworks appear way cooler! Especially when the guy you bought them from was a professional display dude and slid you a few rockets he really shouldn’t have! This is especially true when you’re at the stage of saying, “I shouldn’t have had that last pizza…” as in not “slice” of pizza.

Cue me at 2am, drunk in my back yard, finishing the last beer, really thinking… “As a person, I am fucked!”

I guess the morning after was also my epiphanic moment. I was 23 years old, it was 8am, I’d gotten no sleep, I was hurling up something chronic in the bathroom and some of it still resembled bits of pizza.

This was when I decided that there was something majorly wrong with my life and I had to do something about it. I’d had some thoughts about that before, but the fattest thing I’ve ever done is certainly that. 8 pizzas, however many beers, 40 cigarettes… and fireworks.
 
Just trying to be like my hero:

544_1.jpg
 
30 deviled eggs - that's only 15 eggs.

NOT IMPRESSED.
 
This girl I know once at 20 some tacos in one sitting.
 
Bought 5 boxes of lucky charms just so I could pour it all out onto the table and separate the 'mellows into their own bowl
 
I was drunk and constipated in law school, and my pizza arrived so I took it in the bathroom and sat the pizza on my lap and a six pack of beer on the floor and dropped a long, slow, slow deuce while I ate the whole damn pizza and killed off the beer. I only burped up vomit once but swallowed it.

Cousin-Eddie-Beer.jpg
 
When Taco Bell had those .99 cent frito burritos i got drunk and had 5 or 6
 
one friend i lived with for a month ordered 6 pizzas and two cheesy breads

another buddy ate 10 doughnuts in a day
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top