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The Most Epic trip to Kroger Ever.

DeacNutt

DeacNutt

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First, let me say that I saw a man's arm nearly chopped off when he was servicing (not the good kind) a RedBox machine in a Kroger, and so I don't use "epic" lightly.

I went to the Krog to grab some groceries for dinner with Mrs. DeacNutt, and as I was pulling up to park, I notice, hey, there's a police car in front of the store with its lights a-flashing. I think nothing of it, park, and start walking towards the store as a big burly African American cop is dragging out an obviously drunk and very disorderly middle aged white dude.

The guy was struggling, and that was funny enough because the cop had at least 150 pounds on this guy. As the cop opened the door to the squad car, the guy began yelling over and over, "This is what happens when you f*ck a stranger in the ass!" - a clear homage to Walter Sobchak. Mothers were cradling their babes to their chests, and there's me laughing my chubby ass off in the middle of the crosswalk. It took me a good minute to catch my breath. The cop was a bit less amused, but I think even he was thinking to himself, "This isn't Vietnam, Walter. There are rules."
 
"Epic." You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

inigo1.jpg
 
Homer would have written about it. I myself am working out the Dactylic Hexameter in my head right now. Or we could go old school with Saturnian.
 
Please tell me at some point you found $5
 
DeacNutt said:
First, let me say that I saw a man's arm nearly chopped off when he was servicing (not the good kind) a RedBox machine in a Kroger, and so I don't use "epic" lightly.

I went to the Krog to grab some groceries for dinner with Mrs. DeacNutt, and as I was pulling up to park, I notice, hey, there's a police car in front of the store with its lights a-flashing. I think nothing of it, park, and start walking towards the store as a big burly African American cop is dragging out an obviously drunk and very disorderly middle aged white dude.

The guy was struggling, and that was funny enough because the cop had at least 150 pounds on this guy. As the cop opened the door to the squad car, the guy began yelling over and over, "This is what happens when you f*ck a stranger in the ass!" - a clear homage to Walter Sobchak. Mothers were cradling their babes to their chests, and there's me laughing my chubby ass off in the middle of the crosswalk. It took me a good minute to catch my breath. The cop was a bit less amused, but I think even he was thinking to himself, "This isn't Vietnam, Walter. There are rules."
Click to expand...

B- at best. Way too many commas.
 
I laughed when reading this thread. Not sure why, but I did.


Therefore, pos rep to DeacNutt.
 
The RedBox incident was crazy. I was checking out at the self-checkout line, and I hear a crazy scream from the front of the store.

I look towards the scream, and there is a service guy with his arm crushed in the inner workings of the RedBox, which had severed one of his arteries (I'm guessing, because there was blood everywhere.) I ran over to him, and people were trying to pull his arm out. A guy, who I would later find out was a Fire Fighter had already whipped off his belt to make a tourniquet. I was wearing a button down shirt - blue striped IIRC, and I took it off and wrapped it around his arm, though it did little good - he bled straight through it. The ambulance came and whisked him away.

Six to eight months later I saw him back at the store, at the same RedBox with a wicked scar on his arm.

I have no idea whether the machine malfunctioned or he was just over-eager and threw caution to the wind, but that was one of the craziest shopping trips ever. I quite literally gave him the shirt off my back.
 
DeacNutt said:
The RedBox incident was crazy. I was checking out at the self-checkout line, and I hear a crazy scream from the front of the store.

I look towards the scream, and there is a service guy with his arm crushed in the inner workings of the RedBox, which had severed one of his arteries (I'm guessing, because there was blood everywhere.) I ran over to him, and people were trying to pull his arm out. A guy, who I would later find out was a Fire Fighter had already whipped off his belt to make a tourniquet. I was wearing a button down shirt - blue striped IIRC, and I took it off and wrapped it around his arm, though it did little good - he bled straight through it. The ambulance came and whisked him away.

Six to eight months later I saw him back at the store, at the same RedBox with a wicked scar on his arm.

I have no idea whether the machine malfunctioned or he was just over-eager and threw caution to the wind, but that was one of the craziest shopping trips ever. I quite literally gave him the shirt off my back.
Click to expand...

THIS happened but you chose to tell us the story about a drunk dude getting it in the ass?!
 
That's a killer story (Redbox), DeacNutt. About ten years ago, I was driving from Albemarle to Charlotte on Hwy24/27, and a big semi flew off the side of the road, down a little ravine into the woods. No one was there but us. I pulled over, climbed down into the ravine, and the driver was pretty messed up and in shock - bloodied, etc... The semi was smoking and all I could think of was the fact that I had to help this dude out, but I had three small children at home and WTF was I doing. I climbed through the window and by that time another guy had stopped by to help me out. That was pretty f----- up.
 
I gave them a load of my dirty undies. THE WHITES.
 
awakeandready said:
THIS happened but you chose to tell us the story about a drunk dude getting it in the ass?!
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:werd:
The Redbox story was much better. Thanks to everyone who has mentioned rendering first aid. It really is a help. Usually it takes around 5 minutes for fire/ems to get to the scene and starting care before we get there makes a world of difference.
 
A drunk guy getting put in a cop car was 'epic?' D-
happens every night in every town in the country

The redbox story is a B but still not 'epic' either

I agree with the inigo post
 
Nicholasp27 said:
A drunk guy getting put in a cop car was 'epic?' D-
happens every night in every town in the country

The redbox story is a B but still not 'epic' either

I agree with the inigo post
Click to expand...

I've never seen anyone's arm almost get chopped off. That's at least an A- from me. You must have seen some pretty epic things for that not to be up there.
 
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