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The Pit Parenting Thread

I've gotten rid of all the car seats. I even got rid of the booster seat for my eight year old. I sometimes let a kid ride in the front seat when their mom isn't around.
 
We are in a similar situation Say Hey. Her parents are very old. Her dad has had several health issues and her mom doesn't speak English. My parents would be fine but they've been taking care of my sister during her bouts with cancer. So my side of the family is out of the running.

Her best friend from home lives an hour away and has a stable home with her husband and two kids each 2 years older than mine. She's our most likely option.

I want to ask two of my friends as well. They'd be great. I'm having a tough time because it's such a heavy question.
 
Say Hey Deac said:
Heavy Saturday morning question:

If you guys have done wills, how did you decide who gets your kids? Wife and I are inexcusably delinquent in preparing wills, but it's mainly due to the fact we struggle to decide who gets our kids. Wife has 2 younger brothers, I have 1 younger sister, none of them are married, good possibility none will have kids. Her brothers also don't really have careers or anything, so no way we give them our kids. My sister is more stable and loves our kids, but doesn't plan to have kids herself.

My parents would be most likely to take them I think, they spend the most time with them, adore my kids, and my kids adore them, but they're older and retired. Dad is not in the greatest health. Wife's parents are younger and in better health, but live a few hours away and are generally just less engaged with our kids. Also wonder whether giving kids to either set of grandparents sets up for weirdness or jealousy between the 2 sets (may be overthinking this part, but do think my parents would be bummed if they knew we were giving our kids to Wife's parents).

I've got a cousin who is married, has an adopted kid, and is awesome, husband is awesome, nicest people in the world. But they live in Maryland.

So, no great options and, again, I think that's the primary reason we don't already have wills in place. Figured I'd turn to you guys to see how you handled.
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No kids, so haven't dealt with this personally. However, I have drafted hundreds of wills where the issue of who gets the kids was a major sticking point. One of the most common things I have run into is the fear that one set of grandparents will be upset/jealous if the kids go to the other set. My advice in that situation is always if you think there is one set with whom your kids will be happier (and obviously, that those grandparents can handle it), go with that and don't worry about it. Both of their parents have died prematurely, so you just want to make sure the kids are as comfortable as possible. If that causes jealousy issues, too bad.

The other piece of advice I give regularly is that you can't be afraid to ask people if they would be willing to take in your kids in the event the worst happens. I think a lot of people take family members and friends out of the running because they don't want to burden them or they think they wouldn't really want the kids (e.g., the sibling who has decided not to have kids himself or herself). It's clearly not a fun conversation to have, but chances are, if you think your kids would be in good hands with someone, there is a good chance they would actually be honored to be asked and would want to do it.
 
Thanks. That's helpful advice.
 
Okay now that we have cleared up what to do when we all simultaneously die I just wanted to say it's fucking gorgeous outside and I'm stuck inside working with rambo on potty training which is one of dantes circles of hell.
 
bmoneydeac said:
Okay now that we have cleared up what to do when we all simultaneously die I just wanted to say it's fucking gorgeous outside and I'm stuck inside working with rambo on potty training which is one of dantes circles of hell.
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Let the boy go outside.
 
Yeah. He's a boy. Let him pee on the grass.
 
It's deuce o'clock. Just gotta wait him out.
 
Ugh a will. Something we've been meaning to do as well but yeah how the heck do you choose? I think it would be my parents for now. His are divorced and neither really in a life place for a kid I don't think. My mom will retire soon and my parents are p young. Otherwise it would be one of HTTDs sister. One is married and has a kid our son's age so that makes sense.
 
bmoneydeac said:
It's deuce o'clock. Just gotta wait him out.
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Are you just having a stare down with him on the toilet? How old is Rambo now? Like, how much longer do I have until I have to deal with this shit (literally). Daycare can't just handle it?
 
awakeandready said:
Ugh a will. Something we've been meaning to do as well but yeah how the heck do you choose? I think it would be my parents for now. His are divorced and neither really in a life place for a kid I don't think. My mom will retire soon and my parents are p young. Otherwise it would be one of HTTDs sister. One is married and has a kid our son's age so that makes sense.
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BDer
 
awakeandready said:
Are you just having a stare down with him on the toilet? How old is Rambo now? Like, how much longer do I have until I have to deal with this shit (literally). Daycare can't just handle it?
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He's almost 3. Our daycare works with him but you gotta reinforce at home.
 
re: wills

We finally got ours done within the last year, and had the same conversations about custody. Both sets of grandparents are pretty involved and the Bug would be happy with either, but husband's parents are about 5 years older than mine and less agile, so we went with my parents. But we have a clause in there that after a certain date (can't remember what it is, but maybe when they're like 70 or something?) the custody switches to my husband's sister. At the time we drafted the wills, neither of my brothers were married (now one is and one is getting married this summer), but at the time, the SIL was the only one married, with a kid on the way, and she and her husband are both highly paid lawyers so financially would be ok.

Every situation is so different.
 
OMG this bastard just asked me to go fix a cup of water and when I got back he had shit his drawers. Any way I can give him to one of yall without me dying?
 
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