CTCT: Featuring the Human Selfie Stick

[ConnorEl]

I just got into an elevator that someone had obviously farded in. Riding down solo stinky.

And that nice looking lady or gentleman joining you next stop will surely realize it wasn’t you.

 

[birdman]

Yes, but that's where it gets complicated. The school seems to have a history of victim blaming, based on some of our prior interactions. Not to mention, the principal wanted to have my daughter try to communicate with an ex-boyfriend that is stalking her (and behind this bullying) to set up some kind of entrapment/sting operation and we're like, "uh, that seems like an exceedingly bad idea". The other part that is tough for her is she is convinced that this will come up in the "character evaluation" part of her National Honors Society application- and...she might not be wrong- so she's thinking of not applying.

Cheezus that’s terrible.

 

[ImTheCaptain]

of course they victim blame. that way the school deson't have to do anytihng about it. you think thee public school system has any interest in legal liablity or resources to put towards efforts like this?

 

[ConnorEl]

Yes, but that's where it gets complicated. The school seems to have a history of victim blaming, based on some of our prior interactions. Not to mention, the principal wanted to have my daughter try to communicate with an ex-boyfriend that is stalking her (and behind this bullying) to set up some kind of entrapment/sting operation and we're like, "uh, that seems like an exceedingly bad idea". The other part that is tough for her is she is convinced that this will come up in the "character evaluation" part of her National Honors Society application- and...she might not be wrong- so she's thinking of not applying.

Good grief.

Is there a guidance counselor or school psychologist that might help?

 

[mako1331]

That sting idea is quite possibly the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard from an admin, which is quite a feat.

 

[DeacInVermont]

of course they victim blame. that way the school deson't have to do anytihng about it. you think thee public school system has any interest in legal liablity or resources to put towards efforts like this?

We're also rapidly approaching the limit of times I can explain to people calmly and clearly where their best interests lie before I run out of an audience altogether.

 

[Liquid Karma]

Man, the online (and in-person) harassment that kids have to deal with these days is insane. Maybe I was naive to it when I was in high school, but the bullying I dealt with was nothing like what my daughter is enduring right now. For example, kids will follow her in the hallways barking or oinking. She gets ridiculously mean snapchat messages on pretty much a daily basis, too. It's such a relentlessly helpless feeling.

It's brutal, and very easily weaponized by bad actors. I know stories of kids who had very personal information poached by predators online who then used it to try to extort money from the kids or they would spam the entire school with it.

 

[ImTheCaptain]

we haven't had a bullying problem (yet) but we have had a possible learning disorder problem and the school goes out of its way to obfuscate and delay testing/reporting/etc to avoid having to devote any engergies at all towards the process unless you badger them relentlessly

and this is a good district with actual funding. fucking drives me bananas

 

[DeacInVermont]

It's brutal, and very easily weaponized by bad actors. I know stories of kids who had very personal information poached by predators online who then used it to try to extort money from the kids or they would spam the entire school with it.

I'm pretty sure this is the M.O. of the ringleader getting people involved with his targeting.

At this point, I'm not sure there are any viable options other than documenting everything (here kiddo, let's keep re-living your trauma), hoping the psychotic attention goes away, and sending her to another part of the country for college in a year and a half.

 

[dartsndeacs]

pretty good arguments here to defund public education

 

[DeacInVermont]

we haven't had a bullying problem (yet) but we have had a possible learning disorder problem and the school goes out of its way to obvuscate and delay testing/reporting/etc to avoid having to devote any engergies at all towards the process unless you badger them relentlessly

and this is a good district with actual funding. fucking drives me bananas

Ugh, this too. I think it's some of the "better" schools that really hate to have kids on an IEP because it reflects in their numbers at some level. They'd rather have those kids school-choice out, or move.

 

[Liquid Karma]

I'm pretty sure this is the M.O. of the ringleader getting people involved with his targeting.

At this point, I'm not sure there are any viable options other than documenting everything (here kiddo, let's keep re-living your trauma), hoping the psychotic attention goes away, and sending her to another part of the country for college in a year and a half.

Obviously trying to avoid changing schools at this stage?

 

[Liquid Karma]

You have the identity of the person harassing her? Are there legal remedies outside of the school system, such as against the parents, if it isn't stopped?

 

[WindyCityDeac]

It's brutal, and very easily weaponized by bad actors. I know stories of kids who had very personal information poached by predators online who then used it to try to extort money from the kids or they would spam the entire school with it.

We had this happen right in the middle of college baseball recruiting. He was an idiot and sent a "selfie" to an online "girl". To make it even better he was going to a private Christian HS. We spent a long day with him working with the police and waiting to here from the principal on if he violated a school code of conduct policy. He was a man and self-reported it to the principal (his choice before we even suggested it) so they showed some grace...but yeah he was extorted and really convinced his baseball career was over. Horrible horrible helpless feeling as a parent.

 

[Deacfreak07]

Man, the online (and in-person) harassment that kids have to deal with these days is insane. Maybe I was naive to it when I was in high school, but the bullying I dealt with was nothing like what my daughter is enduring right now. For example, kids will follow her in the hallways barking or oinking. She gets ridiculously mean snapchat messages on pretty much a daily basis, too. It's such a relentlessly helpless feeling.

the hallway stuff was always there.... the ability to hide behind a keyboard and be an asshat is not limited to kids i'm afraid, but clearly not something i ever dealt with growing up.

My kids school recently did a "Kids & Tech" talk with a child psychologist and she shared some anecdotes of cyber bullying that she's helping her clients (who are children) navigate and it makes me never want to give them a cell phone. Both overt cyber bullying, but also really passive stuff like kids taking one person off a group chat and this group of friends that all shared location with each other and then suddenly stopped sharing the location with one person to ice them out. Brutal stuff. I'm sorry for what she's going through.

That sucks, DIV. I think there was some discussion about privacy for teenage kids and technology a little while back. Give kids a break from their technology by not letting them have their phones at night.

My wife is a school counselor and she deals with multiple suicide assessments a year (in elementary school kids) largely connected to technology. Social media seriously fucks with kids brains in some scary ways.

 

[DeacInVermont]

You have the identity of the person harassing her? Are there legal remedies outside of the school system, such as against the parents, if it isn't stopped?

A lot of it is by proxy. Also, there's no indication of a physical threat, per se, and that makes it all the easier to chalk it up to sensitivity/misunderstanding/he-said-she-said not to mention the notion that there's no such thing as a "perfect victim" which is where this colloquial expectation of contributory negligence seems to creep into people's mindsets.

 

[WindyCityDeac]

That sucks, DIV. I think there was some discussion about privacy for teenage kids and technology a little while back. Give kids a break from their technology by not letting them have their phones at night.

My wife is a school counselor and she deals with multiple suicide assessments a year (in elementary school kids) largely connected to technology. Social media seriously fucks with kids brains in some scary ways.

the technology adds a layer of complexity and scariness that i never could've imagined when i became a parent

Truly sorry you are having to deal with all this DIV

 

[DeacInVermont]

That sucks, DIV. I think there was some discussion about privacy for teenage kids and technology a little while back. Give kids a break from their technology by not letting them have their phones at night.

My wife is a school counselor and she deals with multiple suicide assessments a year (in elementary school kids) largely connected to technology. Social media seriously fucks with kids brains in some scary ways.

We thought waiting until she was in HS to get a phone would help and no phone after 10pm. However, kids are on their phones CONSTANTLY throughout the school day/while driving/etc. I'm willing to bet we haven't even seen the start of the long-term impacts of this as a society.

 

[Deacfreak07]

the technology adds a layer of complexity and scriness that i never could've imagined when i became a parent

It's largely responsible for the rise in teen suicides. Bullying as always been a problem, but you could go home and get away from it, and that's not the case anymore.

It's also my understanding that the rise in gun violence (at least here in Winston) is often related to a fight at school that's then put on social media. Kid gets embarrassed and comes back with a gun.

 

[Deacfreak07]

We thought waiting until she was in HS to get a phone would help and no phone after 10pm. However, kids are on their phones CONSTANTLY throughout the school day/while driving/etc. I'm willing to bet we haven't even seen the start of the long-term impacts of this as a society.

No doubt. Good for you for establishing boundaries. Our kids are young, but we plan to keep them away from phones as long as possible and establish a lack of privacy for their phones. They will hate it, and it's for their good.