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#SheWomanManHatersClub

Maybe I'm being naive but I think we've worked out most of those things. I do think we'll have a few discussions about where we can hang pictures and stuff. HTTD has a LOT of stuff hanging on his walls and I'm a little bit more minimalist.
 
So, my fiancee and I didn't get the person we wanted as our officiant (bummer), and we're going with a second choice. Nice lady, knew her when I was a little kid.

Only thing is with her we have to go through counseling. Any of you have to do that? What kind of things did they ask?
 
We did Prepare/Enrich with a Methodist minister. First we each answered ~100 questions that fell into certain categories and then our answers were compared to each others to give "strength" and "growth" areas. We went for I think 5 sessions and talked about the areas and had a few "homework" things to talk about like budgeting, plans for children, expectations of a marriage, etc. I thought it was pretty cool but HTTD and I are both proponents of counseling in general.

I don't think it brought up any new issues but a lot of it was stuff that we had talked about vaguely but not made a "game plan". There were also some issues that we've talked about a ton but it was nice to have them brought up when no one had an agenda rather than during an argument or for a specific reason.
 
For those of you that follow WeddingBee, one of the girls that just got married (Mrs. Brooch) was just on Say Yes to the Dress: Randy Knows Best. I happened to be home and have it on tonight (yes, I still watch sometimes even after our wedding...don't judge) and recognized her from her pictures. Weird.
 
LadyDeac03 said:
For those of you that follow WeddingBee, one of the girls that just got married (Mrs. Brooch) was just on Say Yes to the Dress: Randy Knows Best. I happened to be home and have it on tonight (yes, I still watch sometimes even after our wedding...don't judge) and recognized her from her pictures. Weird.
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I'm watching! Which one was she? I remembered reading hers but dont remember what she looked like.
 
awakeandready said:
We did Prepare/Enrich with a Methodist minister. First we each answered ~100 questions that fell into certain categories and then our answers were compared to each others to give "strength" and "growth" areas. We went for I think 5 sessions and talked about the areas and had a few "homework" things to talk about like budgeting, plans for children, expectations of a marriage, etc. I thought it was pretty cool but HTTD and I are both proponents of counseling in general.

I don't think it brought up any new issues but a lot of it was stuff that we had talked about vaguely but not made a "game plan". There were also some issues that we've talked about a ton but it was nice to have them brought up when no one had an agenda rather than during an argument or for a specific reason.
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OK, I guess we can deal with that. She asked us to read a book called "The Five Love Languages" before we meet. I'm gonna go to B&N and knock that out tomorrow.
 
Deadbolt said:
OK, I guess we can deal with that. She asked us to read a book called "The Five Love Languages" before we meet. I'm gonna go to B&N and knock that out tomorrow.
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for what it's worth, i've never read the five love languages, but i got a crash course in it when i was working as a teacher. i have found it absolutely life-changing to understand the concepts, and how you can show love in each person's love language. it has made a world of difference in my relationship with my mom, who is a words of encouragement love language, and never feels appreciated. i finally realized that doing the dishes (i'm an acts of service love language) doesn't get the point across to my mom that i appreciated dinner. i need to say it...repeatedly.
 
^I completely agree. The Five Love Languages was written by a pastor in Winston-Salem, Gary Chapman. He got a Masters from Wake Forest. I have read the book and I have a completely new perspective on how people show love and feel loved. I think it's important to know not only what your partner's love language is but also what your love language is.
 
I heard a lot of good things about that book. I'll have to check it out!
 
bridal shower in an hour! i'm nervous to leave the dog for the afternoon with these storms coming... he has a tendency to freak out and pee.... thankfully BF will be getting home about an hour after i leave, but still.
 
ellisat2 said:
The only thing I noticed that was tough about living together was the loss of ownership of space. By that, I mean that your home is no longer "my home", it is "ours" and , for me at least, I lost the ability to say that I had any personal space. When someone is "visiting", even if its every night, you know at some point they're going to have to go to their place and get clothes, food, etc. When you live together, its mutual space, and the guy is usually the one who gets to compromise on the decorations, furniture, etc.
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This. 100%

My wife and I have been married for 6+ years now, and I'm still uncomfortable from time to time about the lack of control or privacy in my own house. Part of that is because I'm the type of person who does like to shut down and not be "bothered" by anything for long stretches of time, and frankly that's just not possible when you're living with someone the same way it is when you have your own place.

My wife and I have a great relationship, but no matter what anyone says - living with someone 24/7 is an adjustment, and it requires work. Heck, marriage in general is a lot more work than it seems at first. As long as you are prepared for that, and you are both willing to do that from the start ... you'll probably succeed. But I also know couples where one or other just sort of acted like life was on cruise control and the next thing you knew they were on the rocks.
 
vadimivich said:
This. 100%

My wife and I have been married for 6+ years now, and I'm still uncomfortable from time to time about the lack of control or privacy in my own house. Part of that is because I'm the type of person who does like to shut down and not be "bothered" by anything for long stretches of time, and frankly that's just not possible when you're living with someone the same way it is when you have your own place.

My wife and I have a great relationship, but no matter what anyone says - living with someone 24/7 is an adjustment, and it requires work. Heck, marriage in general is a lot more work than it seems at first. As long as you are prepared for that, and you are both willing to do that from the start ... you'll probably succeed. But I also know couples where one or other just sort of acted like life was on cruise control and the next thing you knew they were on the rocks.
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I don't know. I think this is different for every relationship and every marriage. I don't think of living together or marriage as work. I think marriage only changed our relationship by strengthening it (and not really by challenging it, maybe we just really already had a strong relationship and I know we haven't been though too many challenges) and that in the future if we go through hard times we will have to work together to keep things strong but 3 years in, we pretty much are still just floating down the river and our marriage is very strong. I think people try to generalize too much about other people's marriages based on their own and what they think they know about what goes on between others. What works for us and how we feel about our marriage may very well not be even close to what works for anyone else.

At our one year anniversary we had many couples say "the first year is the hardest, if you've made it this far you know you'll be good" and we remarked to each other "if that was the hardest it's ever going to be, marriage is cake". People want to make their experience into the universal experience and I think especially with marriage and relationships, that is dangerous and totally impractical.
 
I have a job interview at a lab on Wednesday. The pants to my suit don't fit. Is it okay to a) not wear a suit or b) wear black slacks/blouse/non-matching blazer?
 
awakeandready said:
I have a job interview at a lab on Wednesday. The pants to my suit don't fit. Is it okay to a) not wear a suit or b) wear black slacks/blouse/non-matching blazer?
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What field are you in - not sure what you mean by lab? I'm sure there are jobs for which a suit would not be expected, but my gut says go buy a new suit (and it's stupid, but I would recommend a skirt suit).
 
It's a research lab so it's mainly inhabited by grad students, postdocs, and professors. Academia is kind of a different bag and I don't think suits are really that necessary but my gut is kind of like yours.
 
awakeandready said:
It's a research lab so it's mainly inhabited by grad students, postdocs, and professors. Academia is kind of a different bag and I don't think suits are really that necessary but my gut is kind of like yours.
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I'd wear a suit. However, me being me, I would not wear a skirt suit. I had one interview go bad and since then I refuse to wear a skirt suit to an interview.
 
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