• Welcome to OGBoards 10.0, keep in mind that we will be making LOTS of changes to smooth out the experience here and make it as close as possible functionally to the old software, but feel free to drop suggestions or requests in the Tech Support subforum!

Jesus married and had a kid; plus they found his bones maybe

You could also do like a Jurassic Park thing with Jesus 2, probably somewhere in Kentucky or Central Tennessee, but there may be ethical issues with that as far as human cloning and shit is concerned.
 
RevDeac06 said:
Dude, everyone knows you'd only clone the humanity, not the divine part. Duh.
Click to expand...

But maybe this is all part of God's plan and this is how the Second Coming happens. We did it to ourselves and never even saw it coming. It's like a Black Mirror episode.
 
Say Hey Deac said:
But maybe this is all part of God's plan and this is how the Second Coming happens. We did it to ourselves and never even saw it coming. It's like a Black Mirror episode.
Click to expand...

Eh. God and the Virgin Mary make better parents than Dr. Atala and a random Pi Phi.
 
Poor Jesus 2 though if he doesn't have the divinity or whatever or isn't owned by God as His son. Lots of expectations on this kid, like Jayden Smith-level expectations.
 
Say Hey Deac said:
Poor Jesus 2 though if he doesn't have the divinity or whatever or isn't owned by God as His son. Lots of expectations on this kid, like Jayden Smith-level expectations.
Click to expand...

He'll probably end up like Jeffrey Jordan riding bench at UCF.
 
I was thinking the same thing. Jesus comes back saying all the exact same things about how we should treat one another and what is right and wrong, but he has no divine superpowers. No magic tricks. He's just a man. Saying the same things, though.
 
The beginning shows the lab cloning Jesus and as a boy and such...fade to black...30 years later....then the big lebowski plays
 
Say Hey Deac said:
I'm no scientist or whatever, but if we have his bones, doesn't that mean we could clone him? JESUS 2. We could clone him and then raise the christ child in a controlled environment like the Truman Show where his whole life would be on TV and we could watch him and see him do his miracles and talk about parables and dividing fish and stuff. I'll bet the E Channel or Bravo would be all over the that.

However, big what if, but WHAT IF this Jesus 2: Clone of Jesus is technically the return of Jesus as predicted and then we've unwittingly brought about the end times. Not cool.

So in conclusion I think we should think hard before we chop up these bones and clone Jesus.
Click to expand...

Oooh, kind of like a sci-fi Grand Inquisitor thing going on here.
 
Last edited:
So, for obvious and understandable reasons, Christians would never accept that these are the bones of Christ, even if the archeologist found like a sworn affidavit from all 12 apostles being like, "yo, this is THE Jesus, not just another dude named Jesus with parents with the same names."

But, what if ISIS discovered the location of this site and seized it and then went on TV being like, "hey bitches, in 48 hours we are totally going to feed these here Jesus bones into this wood chipper [points to wood chipper spinning really fast] and then take the resulting powder and feed it to a donkey, then take that donkey's poop and burn it, then take THOSE ashes and toss them in a landfill and then pee on them. Muhahahahahah!!!"

Even the most ardent of Christians internally would be thinking "holy shit, dude, what if these are the bones of Jesus? We can't let them to this," right? Would Obama or the Vatican step in to try to stop them? Or would we all act nonchalantly and be like, "you dumb bastards, that's not the real Jesus bones because Jesus rolled the rock back and came out of his cave and then went to heaven so there are no bones", even though we're all nervous that these are really Jesus bones? I feel like we would all collectively kind of freak out, regardless of faith.
 
Nobody fucks with the Jesus

giphy.gif
 
Say Hey Deac said:
So, for obvious and understandable reasons, Christians would never accept that these are the bones of Christ, even if the archeologist found like a sworn affidavit from all 12 apostles being like, "yo, this is THE Jesus, not just another dude named Jesus with parents with the same names."

But, what if ISIS discovered the location of this site and seized it and then went on TV being like, "hey bitches, in 48 hours we are totally going to feed these here Jesus bones into this wood chipper [points to wood chipper spinning really fast] and then take the resulting powder and feed it to a donkey, then take that donkey's poop and burn it, then take THOSE ashes and toss them in a landfill and then pee on them. Muhahahahahah!!!"

Even the most ardent of Christians internally would be thinking "holy shit, dude, what if these are the bones of Jesus? We can't let them to this," right? Would Obama or the Vatican step in to try to stop them? Or would we all act nonchalantly and be like, "you dumb bastards, that's not the real Jesus bones because Jesus rolled the rock back and came out of his cave and then went to heaven so there are no bones", even though we're all nervous that these are really Jesus bones? I feel like we would all collectively kind of freak out, regardless of faith.
Click to expand...

There would need to be some kind of prize at the end and some impossible feats performed for the Christians to believe it.
 
Say Hey Deac said:
So, for obvious and understandable reasons, Christians would never accept that these are the bones of Christ, even if the archeologist found like a sworn affidavit from all 12 apostles being like, "yo, this is THE Jesus, not just another dude named Jesus with parents with the same names."

But, what if ISIS discovered the location of this site and seized it and then went on TV being like, "hey bitches, in 48 hours we are totally going to feed these here Jesus bones into this wood chipper [points to wood chipper spinning really fast] and then take the resulting powder and feed it to a donkey, then take that donkey's poop and burn it, then take THOSE ashes and toss them in a landfill and then pee on them. Muhahahahahah!!!"

Even the most ardent of Christians internally would be thinking "holy shit, dude, what if these are the bones of Jesus? We can't let them to this," right? Would Obama or the Vatican step in to try to stop them? Or would we all act nonchalantly and be like, "you dumb bastards, that's not the real Jesus bones because Jesus rolled the rock back and came out of his cave and then went to heaven so there are no bones", even though we're all nervous that these are really Jesus bones? I feel like we would all collectively kind of freak out, regardless of faith.
Click to expand...

the freakout would be inversely proportional to your faith. I believe Jesus was resurrected, so the bones aren't his, and if they are, then he wasn't resurrected so my faith is misplaced.
 
DeacDiggler said:
the freakout would be inversely proportional to your faith. I believe Jesus was resurrected, so the bones aren't his, and if they are, then he wasn't resurrected so my faith is misplaced.
Click to expand...

big dick; no brains
 
But see, I have this suspicion that even for those who are quite faithful, in the back of their minds, there has to be a nagging worry that ISIS is about to hideously desecrate the Jesus bones, and even if it means Jesus wasn't resurrected, it's still Jesus, you know, and that's messed up.

I think we'd send in Seal Team 6.
 
Say Hey Deac said:
But see, I have this suspicion that even for those who are quite faithful, in the back of their minds, there has to be a nagging worry that ISIS is about to hideously desecrate the Jesus bones, and even if it means Jesus wasn't resurrected, it's still Jesus, you know, and that's messed up.

I think we'd send in Seal Team 6.
Click to expand...

What if it was a Black Mirror Episode 1-type situation where they were like "The Pope's gotta whip out his D and get a blowjob from Kim Kardashian or we go forward with the wood chipper, etc. plan"?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top