Jesus married and had a kid; plus they found his bones maybe

[Wakeforest22890]

So, for obvious and understandable reasons, Christians would never accept that these are the bones of Christ, even if the archeologist found like a sworn affidavit from all 12 apostles being like, "yo, this is THE Jesus, not just another dude named Jesus with parents with the same names."

But, what if ISIS discovered the location of this site and seized it and then went on TV being like, "hey bitches, in 48 hours we are totally going to feed these here Jesus bones into this wood chipper [points to wood chipper spinning really fast] and then take the resulting powder and feed it to a donkey, then take that donkey's poop and burn it, then take THOSE ashes and toss them in a landfill and then pee on them. Muhahahahahah!!!"

Even the most ardent of Christians internally would be thinking "holy shit, dude, what if these are the bones of Jesus? We can't let them to this," right? Would Obama or the Vatican step in to try to stop them? Or would we all act nonchalantly and be like, "you dumb bastards, that's not the real Jesus bones because Jesus rolled the rock back and came out of his cave and then went to heaven so there are no bones", even though we're all nervous that these are really Jesus bones? I feel like we would all collectively kind of freak out, regardless of faith.

No way dude, Obama would be all for it, he's Muslim.

 

[buckets]

What if it was a Black Mirror Episode 1-type situation where they were like "The Pope's gotta whip out his D and get a blowjob from Kim Kardashian or we go forward with the wood chipper, etc. plan"?

Don't see the issue here... I'd consider that a plot by the Pope to get a free beej

 

[marquee moon]

Don't see the issue here... I'd consider that a plot by the Pope to get a free beej

You think the pope gets the damp washcloth treatment before he gets his ass eaten?

 

[JuiceCrewAllStar]

Don't see the issue here... I'd consider that a plot by the Pope to get a free beej

And we all find out that ISIS and the Catholic church are in cahoots. Makes too much sense, really.

 

[buckets]

I mean church clergy have been using confirmation classes to touch little boys for centuries, makes sense the Pope would step it up to jesus bones for a blowjob

 

[marquee moon]

Well my brother who works in Hollywood was not impressed with the concept of the movie as a regular satire but He did point out that the name of the movie Jesus Bones about a cloned resurrected Christ could be a great porno

 

[wakephan09]

I'm no scientist or whatever, but if we have his bones, doesn't that mean we could clone him? JESUS 2. We could clone him and then raise the christ child in a controlled environment like the Truman Show where his whole life would be on TV and we could watch him and see him do his miracles and talk about parables and dividing fish and stuff. I'll bet the E Channel or Bravo would be all over the that.

However, big what if, but WHAT IF this Jesus 2: Clone of Jesus is technically the return of Jesus as predicted and then we've unwittingly brought about the end times. Not cool.

So in conclusion I think we should think hard before we chop up these bones and clone Jesus.

Say hey just gave me a brilliant screenplay

Say hey I'll send you a rough outline in a few weeks

Oooh, kind of like a sci-fi Grand Inquisitor thing going on here.

Well my brother who works in Hollywood was not impressed with the concept of the movie as a regular satire but He did point out that the name of the movie Jesus Bones about a cloned resurrected Christ could be a great porno

Whilst I know y'all are kidding, this is the plot of an actual novel. Which is actually pretty good:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Genesis-Code-John-Case/dp/0345422317

 

[Say Hey Deac]

What if it was a Black Mirror Episode 1-type situation where they were like "The Pope's gotta whip out his D and get a blowjob from Kim Kardashian or we go forward with the wood chipper, etc. plan"?

Nah, Poper could never pull that one off. I do think though Pope would work behind the scenes with Obama and Great Britain and Billy Graham's jerkoff kid to ensure possible Jesus bones were not destroyed.