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Teacher stories

rjequalsmj

rjequalsmj

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Sayhey suggested a thread on funny teacher stories, I know we got a few teachers on here, I will start with my best one.

So I team taught with a Head Start teacher a few years ago, so this is mostly 4-5 yo hispanic kids. So the kids get a morning snack/breakfast and they will come in and put their backpacks away and then take the snack back to their seats. It's usually like a juice box and bagel or something stupid like that. So one day were just doing first thing in the morning stuff talking to parents, helping kids, etc. and this kid goes to his backpack and pulls out a Corona and sits down at his seat trying to open it. So I'm about to lose it so the other teacher runs over and grabs it and is like where did you get this blah blah, that is for adults you can't bring it to school, and takes it to the office to put away/call the kids parents. Apparently he grabbed it and put it in his backpack without his parents noticing in the morning. After he was trying to explain it to other kids like yeah my daddy drinks it and then he likes to dance and walk like this (kid starts stumbling around). A few weeks later he told us about when his dad drank Coronas and fell down the stairs.
 
that's funny, but also sad :(
 
My girlfriend is a 3rd grade teacher and at the start of the school year all the kids had to write a short introduction about themselves. This dickhole thinks he is going to move in on my woman. Thank god it's not Florida or she would probably fuck him.

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Another good one from that year is, we asked the parents to send in examples of print in the child's environment, one parent sent in a target receipt which would've been great but the items on it were: spaghetti sauce, air mattress, and a $16 box of condoms. Not sure what they were getting into that night but sounded fun.
 
lol, that's hilarious.
out of curiosity, what did other people send in?
 
I was a camp counselor (i.e., daycare teacher) for 6 and 7 year olds the summer after I graduated from Wake. Had a few pretty funny stories from that experience, but one I remember most vividly was this dirty little chick comes in one day and is all showing something off to the other kids. I walked up and knelt down so we were face-to-face and was like, "what's up?" She holds up her arm to reveal a little raised bump, then, before I realize what I'm looking at, she rubs the bump, then sticks her hand out and begins wiping it on my forehead, saying, "NOW YOU HAVE RINGWORM!!" I about punched that little beyotch right in the face.
 
My wife had a kid who wouldn't get up to go to his next class because he had a boner.
 
Once a dad wanted to beat me up because he thought I was sleeping with a student's mom. He was an alcoholic that had an accident causing some brain injury. Apparently they had to have security boot him from the school, thankfully he didn't know where the classroom was.
 
Deadbolt said:
My wife had a kid who wouldn't get up to go to his next class because he had a boner.
Click to expand...

Who hasn't been there? In 7th and 8th grade, I'm pretty sure I just walked around with a continuous boner.
 
copied from CT:

my wife teaches 5th grade (reigning teacher of the year, what what) and has some pretty strong ones. i think my favorite is when a kid was doing homework and the tutor said something about how her son was doing the same type work. the kid said something like, oh i didn't realize you had kids to which the tutor said, yes i've got six wonderful kids. without missing a beat, the 5th grader said, "daaaaaamn mrs parker, you must be getting lots of checks! whooo whooooo!" my wife is usually pretty good at holding back, but she just lost it laughing.
 
also, i worked at a summer camp as well and we used to keep a log of the ridiculous quotes from the kids. one that always stuck out was a kid saying that camp was great cause it wasn't like the civil war where you had to shoot a horse to pet a dog.

i feel like his quote is based in some twisted interpretation of a benign comment that just stuck with him. however, i couldn't even begin to guess what that benign comment was.
 
I was talking with our AP and she had two kids in her office and one of em was talking about how his dad didn't have a job. The other kid was like, why doesn't he just go to the 7-11, people just come by there and give you jobs.

All the day laborers get picked up from there in that neighborhood
 
Worked as a camp counselor one year. After an overnight camp out with no bathroom access, it was always nice to get to restrooms to answer the call of nature. I walked out of the bathroom and said "man, that was a good dump." Some kid thought I said "man, that was a good dunk" and proceeds to dunk his head in a toilet and then says to me "you're right, that does feel better."
 
Deadbolt said:
My wife had a kid who wouldn't get up to go to his next class because he had a boner.
Click to expand...

That's an at least weekly occurrence if you teach middle school. First few times, it created an awkward situation.

I had a student that begged me to put her in my wedding as my flower girl. She's 15 now.

I only taught for about 4 months (interim teacher) but in that time got some good stories.
 
I had to take the sex ed training but thankfully never actually had to teach it. That was probably my favorite training to go to, they had real question cards from kids for us to look over, I wish I had stolen those because there were some real gems.
 
rjequalsmj said:
I had to take the sex ed training but thankfully never actually had to teach it. That was probably my favorite training to go to, they had real question cards from kids for us to look over, I wish I had stolen those because there were some real gems.
Click to expand...

You could do some epic sex ed teaching with clips from Laguna Beach.
 
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