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You Laugh, You Lose FTMFW - Version 2.0 - Bigger, Longer, Uncut

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http://www.kayfabenews.com/hogan-buys-wwe/

Hulk Hogan didn’t waste any time finding a way to spend his newfound wealth: the legendary pro wrestler has used his winnings from a recent lawsuit to purchase his former employer, World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE).

The Wall Street Journal broke the news this morning that Hogan paid an estimated $135 million for the company — a surprisingly low valuation for the sports-entertainment juggernaut — and is now the sole owner of its copyrights, talent roster, turnbuckle stuffing, video library, network, ice cream bars, and vast spandex warehouses.

Asked by reporters why he purchased the company, Hogan said he wished to tell his brother something:

“Things are gonna be different around here, brother,” he said. He then added, after pensive pause, “dude.”

Hogan then listed a number of changes to the company, effective immediately:

The company name will revert to World Wrestling Federation
The main event of WrestleMania next Sunday will feature Triple H versus Hulk Hogan
The new Chief Financial Officer will be Irwin R. Schyster
America the Beautiful will be sung at WrestleMania by Brooke Hogan
The new General Manger of Raw will be Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake, and the Smackdown General Manager will be Jimmy “Mouth of the South” Hart
The New Orleans Super Dome will be renamed the Silverdome
NXT will be cancelled to make room for re-runs of Thunder in Paradise
 
I get that it's a joke, but it made me look and the WWE is worth nearly a billion dollars
 
I just heard someone say on the conf call I'm on: "We need to do a deep dive and mine the information in the data room, and can then provide an oral download."

Fuck you buddy.
 
Two guys were sitting at a bar, and one says to the other, "you look familiar to me. What city are you from?"
"I'm from Detroit," the other guy says.
"Wow, I'm from Detroit, too. Where did you go to high school?"
"I went to Luther High School."
"Wow. I went to Luther High School, too."
"What year did you graduate?"
"1993."
"I graduated in 1993, too! What part of Detroit did you live?"
"The southeast side."
"I lived in southeast Detroit, too! What street did you live on?"
"I lived on Maple Avenue."
"Wow! I, too, lived on Maple Avenue. What was your house number?"
"232 Maple Avenue."
"Holy crap, I, too, lived on 232 Maple Avenue!"

Just then the phone rang and the bartender answers. "Hey, hi honey. Yeah, about ready to close up. Will be home soon. Only the Johnson twins are here, and they're both drunk again."
 
wfudkn said:
I just heard someone say on the conf call I'm on: "We need to do a deep dive and mine the information in the data room, and can then provide an oral download."

Fuck you buddy.
Click to expand...

I immediately hate anyone who uses corporate buzz words. Why can't these pretentious assholes just talk like a normal person? I'm judging every single one of you.
 
wfudkn said:
I just heard someone say on the conf call I'm on: "We need to do a deep dive and mine the information in the data room, and can then provide an oral download."

Fuck you buddy.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I hear that kind of crap at work too. Drives me insane.
 
awaken said:
Two guys were sitting at a bar, and one says to the other, "you look familiar to me. What city are you from?"
"I'm from Detroit," the other guy says.
"Wow, I'm from Detroit, too. Where did you go to high school?"
"I went to Luther High School."
"Wow. I went to Luther High School, too."
"What year did you graduate?"
"1993."
"I graduated in 1993, too! What part of Detroit did you live?"
"The southeast side."
"I lived in southeast Detroit, too! What street did you live on?"
"I lived on Maple Avenue."
"Wow! I, too, lived on Maple Avenue. What was your house number?"
"232 Maple Avenue."
"Holy crap, I, too, lived on 232 Maple Avenue!"

Just then the phone rang and the bartender answers. "Hey, hi honey. Yeah, about ready to close up. Will be home soon. Only the Johnson twins are here, and they're both drunk again."
Click to expand...

doofus is this you?
 
WakeTheNation said:
Yeah, I hear that kind of crap at work too. Drives me insane.
Click to expand...

Me too. But after hearing that stuff over and over, in spite of my disdain for corporate speak I occasionally find myself stumbling just to find an alternative to buzz phrases such as "reach out" and "circle back".
And for some reason it seems that the worst users/abusers of that lingo is the guy sitting beside or directly behind me on his cell phone in the airport gate area.
 
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