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Asking Her Dad's Permission

Manifest Destiny said:
This story raises an interesting question. When is it appropriate not to ask for the father's permission? If the two arent close? If that parent are divorced?
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PhDeac said:
When the bride doesn't have a good relationship with her dad and doesn't expect him to be active involved in her life going forward.
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WakeGal said:
I don't think there is a hard and fast rule. My grandparents didn't divorce until my mom was grown, but my dad asked my grandmother instead of my grandfather. He didn't meet my grandfather until their wedding.

I think the best way to know is just to ask your girlfriend, what does she want as far as that is concerned.
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I agree with the bolded and don't think PhDeacs is always the case. My dad and I have a good relationship, he's very involved in my life, and my parents paid for the wedding. It just wasn't really a tradition that anyone in my family feels strongly about. Actually, HTTD is probably the one that felt most inclined to do it but I told him not to.
 
18 months.

Thanks all. I have a good relationship with the father and know he'll say yes, it's just a bit nerve wracking.
 
I didn't even know "asking for permission" was a thing when I was getting engaged. I also surprised my wife with the proposal, so we hadn't really been discussing it beforehand, so I didn't ask anyone. Her dad died when she was young anyway, so I would have had to ask her mom, which would have been weird.

Whatevs. Either way, if you have a good relationship with the dad and you've been with the chick for awhile, the dad will know what's up and will be pretty cool with it, I'd think. Have fun.
 
I asked both parents, but over the phone since they live in FL. Nerve wracking as hell, but they were very supportive.
 
i go back and forth on the asking thing.

i feel like my dad would appreciate it, and i am his only daughter... but i'm also hard-headed like crazy and do my own thing anyway, so i dunno. i know jason is opposed to it because i'm an adult and nobody's possession and it's an antiquated tradition, but i feel like it's also still expected to a degree. i need to ask my mom or something and find out what dad thinks. i could go either way, but i don't want to leave anyone offended (esp. b/c i believe parents are paying for the wedding).
 
HalIncandenza said:
I didn't even know "asking for permission" was a thing when I was getting engaged. I also surprised my wife with the proposal, so we hadn't really been discussing it beforehand, so I didn't ask anyone. Her dad died when she was young anyway, so I would have had to ask her mom, which would have been weird.

Whatevs. Either way, if you have a good relationship with the dad and you've been with the chick for awhile, the dad will know what's up and will be pretty cool with it, I'd think. Have fun.
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18 months is pretty short though...
 
I guarantee the guy will be so please/flattered/impressed that you're actually doing it, he'll like you that much more. According to my jeweler, this doesn't happen all that much anymore for a variety of reasons.

My gf was going to be in NYC over Mother's Day weekend, so I rented a car and drove up to Philly (from DC) to surprise my mom and show her the ring (she obviously already knew). My gf's parents live in Jersey, so on the way home, I swung by and surprised them. Gave her mom flowers for Mother's Day - it was that Sunday - and then after 20-30 minutes of chit chat, busted out the ring and made the move. Her little sister was also there, so I was basically asking permission from all three of them. Needless to say, they were all so shocked and happy and whatnot that it ended up being a pretty cool story.

The best part of it is, after you pop the question to your fiance and she says yes, you'll give her the ring and hug and make out and whatnot. Then the first thing she'll want to do is call her parents, but she'll pause and go "wait, do my parents already know?" Then you get to say yes with a shit-eating grin on your face. Its money.
 
lbE08 said:
i go back and forth on the asking thing.

i feel like my dad would appreciate it, and i am his only daughter... but i'm also hard-headed like crazy and do my own thing anyway, so i dunno. i know jason is opposed to it because i'm an adult and nobody's possession and it's an antiquated tradition, but i feel like it's also still expected to a degree. i need to ask my mom or something and find out what dad thinks. i could go either way, but i don't want to leave anyone offended (esp. b/c i believe parents are paying for the wedding).
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i'm with you on being your own person and hard headed. but i want deachoopstoy to ask. to me, while it's phrased as "asking permission," it's not really like that. i mean, if my dad flat-out said no (he wouldn't), we would still get married, so the permission aspect of it isn't really real. but it's just a respect thing. a nice gesture.
 
I've always gotten along well with my FIL so I wasn't nervous. But around the time when I wanted to propose, there wasn't a good chance to see him in person, so I called him up, knowing that neither of us are big phone talkers. The call was literally less than a minute. I looked down after we hung up and it was something like a 51 second call. But he was cool with it.

Probably a distinction without a difference, but I always thought of as telling him I was going to propose and asking for his blessing, rather than asking for his permission to propose.
 
thebishop said:
18 months is pretty short though...
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Not THAT short for two adults. If you think you have to date someone for like 3-4 years before proposing you have like 2-3 chances at marriage before you start getting old for kids etc.
 
lbE08 said:
i go back and forth on the asking thing.

i feel like my dad would appreciate it, and i am his only daughter... but i'm also hard-headed like crazy and do my own thing anyway, so i dunno. i know jason is opposed to it because i'm an adult and nobody's possession and it's an antiquated tradition, but i feel like it's also still expected to a degree. i need to ask my mom or something and find out what dad thinks. i could go either way, but i don't want to leave anyone offended (esp. b/c i believe parents are paying for the wedding).
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DeacHoops said:
i'm with you on being your own person and hard headed. but i want deachoopstoy to ask. to me, while it's phrased as "asking permission," it's not really like that. i mean, if my dad flat-out said no (he wouldn't), we would still get married, so the permission aspect of it isn't really real. but it's just a respect thing. a nice gesture.
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Yeah, this is the general idea of why it was important to me to ask for his blessing for what I was planning to do rather than his permission for what I wanted to do.
 
It's silly to think there's a set amount of time that exists for everyone. When you know, you know, When its right, its right. Sometimes, people are ready after a few months. Sometimes it takes years.
 
Manifest Destiny said:
Im actually thinking about doing this next month. Pretty nervous about it but I think her Dad will try to be super cool and shotgun a beer or something which could be fun. Here goes nothin.
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you have a girlfriend? wat.
 
DeacHoops said:
i'm with you on being your own person and hard headed. but i want deachoopstoy to ask. to me, while it's phrased as "asking permission," it's not really like that. i mean, if my dad flat-out said no (he wouldn't), we would still get married, so the permission aspect of it isn't really real. but it's just a respect thing. a nice gesture.
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good post.

its just a respect thing in my opinion. showing that i respect my in-laws and want them to be included in the big parts of my life.
 
me and the gf had bought a house and gotten a dog by our one year anniversary. Engagement was a formality
 
My FIL doesn't talk too much, and that didn't change when I asked, which made for a very anticlimatic event. I dropped by their house one evening when I knew that my then GF and her mother were out of town. He just smiled and said that he was happy for us. The most memorable part of the whole process was that he and my now BIL, who was home at the time I dropped in, managed to keep quiet about it for two days until I actually proposed.
 
DeacHoops said:
i'm with you on being your own person and hard headed. but i want deachoopstoy to ask. to me, while it's phrased as "asking permission," it's not really like that. i mean, if my dad flat-out said no (he wouldn't), we would still get married, so the permission aspect of it isn't really real. but it's just a respect thing. a nice gesture.
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yeahhhh, agreed that it's a respect/nice gesture. i need for jason to get past the 'permission' part of it.
 
Jason sounds like a new age dick


Just kidding, but seriously, he should build a bridge and get over it
 
lol, far from it
 
Manifest Destiny said:
Im actually thinking about doing this next month. Pretty nervous about it but I think her Dad will try to be super cool and shotgun a beer or something which could be fun. Here goes nothin.
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So which one are you asking to marry you? The skankazoid, or the other skankazoid?
 
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