2. They don't even like the Patriots. I have a dirty little secret, and that is that I spent more time in my life living in New England—13 years—than living anywhere else. I went to prep school in New Hampshire (I know, I know, I'm a dipshit). I went to college in Maine. My parents have lived in northern Connecticut for over two decades. I hung out with a lot of New England sports fans before 2001, and I'm going to tell you something: Before 2001, Boston sports fans HATED the Patriots. It's not that they ignored the Patriots; it's that they absolutely loathed them. The Patriots didn't have the championship tradition of the Celtics, nor did they have the compelling (to Boston people, at least) sob story of the Red Sox, nor the Bawbby fackin' Orr scrappitude of the Bruins. The Patriots were given all the love and support of a Russian foster child.
And now Pats fans are the most insufferable species of human being. They ALWAYS want you to think that they're smarter than you because their coach is smarter than anyone else. Meanwhile, you couldn't get these people to watch a Pats game in September and October if you offered them a thousand bucks and a Kate Upton rimjob. Secretly, they can't wait to go back to hating the Pats and having more free time to dote on their precious, dipshit Red Sox. They're the worst.