TownieDeac
words are futile devices
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2011
- Messages
- 76,189
- Reaction score
- 16,923
So a magical Turkish giant shows up at your front door one day. He knocks, and gets all up in your face and says (you’re pretty sure, his accent is kinda thick)…
Would you rather:
A) your fingernails remain perfectly trimmed forever but you have to cut your toenails every other day or else they get uncomfortably long
B) know every Russian noun but you can never learn a single Russian verb
C) all your meals are free for the rest of your life but before you start each meal you have to drink 24 Oz of whole milk
D) you can breathe underwater but you can never orgasm again
E) you have a Google maps chip implanted in your brain that helps you navigate anywhere any time but your voice is transformed into Siri’s voice
F) you never have to sleep again, you feel fully rested at all times, but you can never own or wear any pairs of shoes other than the ones you currently own
G) you can pick a Wake sport, and they’ll win three national championships of your choosing, but you have to fight Steve Forbes to the death and you both get baseball bats
H) you can turn any metal into gold but you’re a registered sex offender worldwide
I) you can talk to snakes but they fuckin hate it
J) you have perfect pitch and incurable, terminal gingivitis
K) you’re the world’s top rated chess grand master but every time you touch a pawn you’ve gotta yell WAYFAIR YOU’VE GOT JUST WHAT I NEED as loud as you can
L) NASA will fly you round trip to the moon safely but you can’t tell anyone and you’ve gotta move to Yemen
M) you can count cards and you’re really good at whistling and you’re guaranteed to never need open heart surgery but every year on your birthday you immediately weigh 120 pounds
N) you own a private island in the Caribbean but you can’t build a house there and you’ve gotta watch Shrek on an iPod video every 6 hours you’re there and you’ve gotta pay attention
O) auto upgrades to first class for every flight for the rest of your life but you’re required to stop over every flight with a five hour layover in Detroit no matter your final destination
P) no more cell phone bills but you have to start every conversation with “wazzup my playa” and you can’t explain why
Q) you’re a supremely talented woodworker but you have to sleep in a full tuxedo and tails every night and all denim all day
R) you get to be a snail for a few weeks but when you’re done you have to eat all the slime you secreted
S) free hotdogs no buns allowed
T) you rock a cool ponytail and people like it, it’s chill, but you’ve got a small four inch tail just above your butt and it’s spiky
U) you can never be caught for any crime but your whole body is always sticky
V) you know every person on Earth’s name but your name is now Curt Cunt
W) you can give anyone in the world you want herpes but now you have a pretty bad peanut allergy
X) polar bears will never go extinct but Elon Musk is permanently made King of the world
Y) you know the names of all the rocks and minerals and gems on the planet but if you ever see a plum you spontaneously combust
Z) none of the above but the giant comes to your house every day and plucks out 40 individual hairs from random places on your body for seven years
You can’t ask him any clarifying questions, and he wants an answer NOW.
Would you rather:
A) your fingernails remain perfectly trimmed forever but you have to cut your toenails every other day or else they get uncomfortably long
B) know every Russian noun but you can never learn a single Russian verb
C) all your meals are free for the rest of your life but before you start each meal you have to drink 24 Oz of whole milk
D) you can breathe underwater but you can never orgasm again
E) you have a Google maps chip implanted in your brain that helps you navigate anywhere any time but your voice is transformed into Siri’s voice
F) you never have to sleep again, you feel fully rested at all times, but you can never own or wear any pairs of shoes other than the ones you currently own
G) you can pick a Wake sport, and they’ll win three national championships of your choosing, but you have to fight Steve Forbes to the death and you both get baseball bats
H) you can turn any metal into gold but you’re a registered sex offender worldwide
I) you can talk to snakes but they fuckin hate it
J) you have perfect pitch and incurable, terminal gingivitis
K) you’re the world’s top rated chess grand master but every time you touch a pawn you’ve gotta yell WAYFAIR YOU’VE GOT JUST WHAT I NEED as loud as you can
L) NASA will fly you round trip to the moon safely but you can’t tell anyone and you’ve gotta move to Yemen
M) you can count cards and you’re really good at whistling and you’re guaranteed to never need open heart surgery but every year on your birthday you immediately weigh 120 pounds
N) you own a private island in the Caribbean but you can’t build a house there and you’ve gotta watch Shrek on an iPod video every 6 hours you’re there and you’ve gotta pay attention
O) auto upgrades to first class for every flight for the rest of your life but you’re required to stop over every flight with a five hour layover in Detroit no matter your final destination
P) no more cell phone bills but you have to start every conversation with “wazzup my playa” and you can’t explain why
Q) you’re a supremely talented woodworker but you have to sleep in a full tuxedo and tails every night and all denim all day
R) you get to be a snail for a few weeks but when you’re done you have to eat all the slime you secreted
S) free hotdogs no buns allowed
T) you rock a cool ponytail and people like it, it’s chill, but you’ve got a small four inch tail just above your butt and it’s spiky
U) you can never be caught for any crime but your whole body is always sticky
V) you know every person on Earth’s name but your name is now Curt Cunt
W) you can give anyone in the world you want herpes but now you have a pretty bad peanut allergy
X) polar bears will never go extinct but Elon Musk is permanently made King of the world
Y) you know the names of all the rocks and minerals and gems on the planet but if you ever see a plum you spontaneously combust
Z) none of the above but the giant comes to your house every day and plucks out 40 individual hairs from random places on your body for seven years
You can’t ask him any clarifying questions, and he wants an answer NOW.
