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deacon14 said:
I don’t think anyone that has ever grinded League of Leagues solo at 3 AM has ever thought to themselves, “Yes, I wish every night of my life was exactly like this one”
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I mean you can do other things too
 
You know what’s cool, sleeping is cool. Sometimes it’s the best part of my day. You know what’s not cool, having a 5 hour layover in Detroit when you just wanted to fly from ATL to MIA.
 
TimmyClutch said:
You know what’s cool, sleeping is cool. Sometimes it’s the best part of my day. You know what’s not cool, having a 5 hour layover in Detroit when you just wanted to fly from ATL to MIA.
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but you CAN STILL sleep
 
you never have to pay taxes again and you get a free pinball machine every year for life if you want it but soccer becomes the most popular sport in the united states by a wide margin
 
Kory said:
you never have to pay taxes again and you get a free pinball machine every year for life if you want it but soccer becomes the most popular sport in the united states by a wide margin
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you get to go to every pitbull show for free for the rest of his career but you have to spend half of every show in the crowd listening to the goon sax on noise cancelling headphones
 
RedSoxFaithful said:
you get to go to every pitbull show for free for the rest of his career but you have to spend half of every show in the crowd listening to the goon sax on noise cancelling headphones
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Do you get to pick the half? Is it half total time? Break into quarters?
 
Every day at noon time stops for you to read any one book by a living author but 10% of the pages in the book are ripped out (or omitted from the audiobook or whatever) and when time resumes the author goes into a coma for as long as it took you to read the book. If you ever find out what happened in the pages you missed, the author never writes again.
 
PhDeac said:
Every day at noon time stops for you to read any one book by a living author but 10% of the pages in the book are ripped out (or omitted from the audiobook or whatever) and when time resumes the author goes into a coma for as long as it took you to read the book. If you ever find out what happened in the pages you missed, the author never writes again.
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I'm going to do this one, read a Stephanie Meyer book and definitely find out what happens!

I'll receive your laurels now.
 
PhDeac said:
Every day at noon time stops for you to read any one book by a living author but 10% of the pages in the book are ripped out (or omitted from the audiobook or whatever) and when time resumes the author goes into a coma for as long as it took you to read the book. If you ever find out what happened in the pages you missed, the author never writes again.
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I’m guessing if that was mumbled at me by a Turkish giant there’s no way I’d be able to understand the whole deal
 
06deacon said:
I’m guessing if that was mumbled at me by a Turkish giant there’s no way I’d be able to understand the whole deal
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I guess you could put the giant in a coma while reading the obscenely long list.
 
PhDeac said:
Every day at noon time stops for you to read any one book by a living author but 10% of the pages in the book are ripped out (or omitted from the audiobook or whatever) and when time resumes the author goes into a coma for as long as it took you to read the book. If you ever find out what happened in the pages you missed, the author never writes again.
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Would this work on the O'Reilly Factor for kids?
 
TownieDeac said:
So a magical Turkish giant shows up at your front door one day. He knocks, and gets all up in your face and says (you’re pretty sure, his accent is kinda thick)…

Would you rather:

A) your fingernails remain perfectly trimmed forever but you have to cut your toenails every other day or else they get uncomfortably long
B) know every Russian noun but you can never learn a single Russian verb
C) all your meals are free for the rest of your life but before you start each meal you have to drink 24 Oz of whole milk
D) you can breathe underwater but you can never orgasm again
E) you have a Google maps chip implanted in your brain that helps you navigate anywhere any time but your voice is transformed into Siri’s voice
F) you never have to sleep again, you feel fully rested at all times, but you can never own or wear any pairs of shoes other than the ones you currently own
G) you can pick a Wake sport, and they’ll win three national championships of your choosing, but you have to fight Steve Forbes to the death and you both get baseball bats
H) you can turn any metal into gold but you’re a registered sex offender worldwide
I) you can talk to snakes but they fuckin hate it
J) you have perfect pitch and incurable, terminal gingivitis
K) you’re the world’s top rated chess grand master but every time you touch a pawn you’ve gotta yell WAYFAIR YOU’VE GOT JUST WHAT I NEED as loud as you can
L) NASA will fly you round trip to the moon safely but you can’t tell anyone and you’ve gotta move to Yemen
M) you can count cards and you’re really good at whistling and you’re guaranteed to never need open heart surgery but every year on your birthday you immediately weigh 120 pounds
N) you own a private island in the Caribbean but you can’t build a house there and you’ve gotta watch Shrek on an iPod video every 6 hours you’re there and you’ve gotta pay attention
O) auto upgrades to first class for every flight for the rest of your life but you’re required to stop over every flight with a five hour layover in Detroit no matter your final destination
P) no more cell phone bills but you have to start every conversation with “wazzup my playa” and you can’t explain why
Q) you’re a supremely talented woodworker but you have to sleep in a full tuxedo and tails every night and all denim all day
R) you get to be a snail for a few weeks but when you’re done you have to eat all the slime you secreted
S) free hotdogs no buns allowed
T) you rock a cool ponytail and people like it, it’s chill, but you’ve got a small four inch tail just above your butt and it’s spiky
U) you can never be caught for any crime but your whole body is always sticky
V) you know every person on Earth’s name but your name is now Curt Cunt
W) you can give anyone in the world you want herpes but now you have a pretty bad peanut allergy
X) polar bears will never go extinct but Elon Musk is permanently made King of the world
Y) you know the names of all the rocks and minerals and gems on the planet but if you ever see a plum you spontaneously combust
Z) none of the above but the giant comes to your house every day and plucks out 40 individual hairs from random places on your body for seven years

You can’t ask him any clarifying questions, and he wants an answer NOW.
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I finally read this gem of a thread. Lots of great answers so far. I guess I'll play.

If you want virtually no changes to your life, there are several minimal upside, minimal downside options. Of those, I (snakes) is probably my favorite. The snakes fucking hate that I can talk to them, but since when have I cared about the feelings of snakes? Most likely, they would just be like, "Shut up," and slither away.

Of the kinda-cool-but-not-life-changing options, O (first class flights) is interesting. Most people don't fly all the time, so the layover issue wouldn't be that much of a problem. I imagine you would also purchase a membership at whatever the best airport lounge is at the Detroit airport so that you can enjoy your layovers a bit more.

If you're a bit meaner, W (herpes) is also a reasonable choice. Avoid peanuts and carry an epi pen. Problem mostly solved. RIP Reese's.

Finally, S (hotdogs) seems like a good deal. Assuming putting the dog on a normal piece of bread or a roll is not allowed, just put it on a plate with whatever toppings would go on the dog.

Of those options with really high upsides and assuming loopholes aren't allowed (looking at you renting out the private island and beating the crap out of finance guy Steve Forbes), K (chess) would be the pick. You no longer have to work because you're incapable of being ranked any lower than #1 in chess. No need for preparation or trying to maintain your skill. You're #1 until you die. In addition, you'll likely have a Wayfair deal of some sort/be a spokesperson for them. Plus, sponsors really like top rated performers at anything. Even though you'll always be known as the "Wayfair guy," companies that don't compete with Wayfair would be open to sponsorship deals.

The only other high upside option that makes sense is H (metal into gold but sex offender). Unlike other options, there are no restrictions on explaining what's going on to anyone. Therefore, yes, you'll be on the sex offender registry, but you just hold a press conference in your town, explain the whole Turkish giant granting you a wish with conditions thing, and everyone will think you are fucking crazy.

Until you turn any metal you want into gold on command. Then they'll realize, even though it seems impossible, you're telling the truth, so they won't care about the sex offender registration.

So why didn't I pick this one? I think it's more likely that people try to kidnap you and/or kill you. The gold nuts will not appreciate that you can single handedly increase the global supply of gold and depress prices whenever you feel like it. Criminals will see a lot of possibilities in your powers. In short, I think it would be hard to balance using the power, letting people know that you're not a real sex offender, and staying safe.
 
I feel like the only correct answer here is H, really no hesitation about that one.

You basically can create an infinite amount of wealth, and if there is one thing we learned through Epstein nobody cares if you diddle children when your rich.

Easy money, great life, I'd buy two islands and not have to watch Shrek. Assuming that you don't actually have to commit the crime I see absolutely no downside here.
 
Kory said:
you never have to pay taxes again and you get a free pinball machine every year for life if you want it but soccer becomes the most popular sport in the united states by a wide margin
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Never
 
My answer is B. I'm not really gaining anything, but I'm definitely not losing anything.
 
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