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The Fattest Thing You've Ever Done

As a young child, I once snuck an entire bucket of fried chicken, ate the skins off all of them, and returned the bucket, then promptly threw up.

This was at a wake.

I am not proud.
 
I don't have many great fatty feats that come to mind; I guess for most people the cookie butter consumption is pretty gross.
 
DeaconBrews said:
one friend i lived with for a month ordered 6 pizzas and two cheesy breads

another buddy ate 10 doughnuts in a day
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i definitely did the krispy kreme FUNdraiser challenge at wake - ate the whole dozen in a day. the last one hurt.
 
Brangus said:
I was drunk and constipated in law school, and my pizza arrived so I took it in the bathroom and sat the pizza on my lap and a six pack of beer on the floor and dropped a long, slow, slow deuce while I ate the whole damn pizza and killed off the beer. I only burped up vomit once but swallowed it.
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Does anyone else eat on the shitter? That sounds disgusting.
 
We had a McDonald's across the street my senior year of college. Many dollar menu "memories" come to mind, but one that sticks out was grabbing pizza at the greasy late night place post-bar, split a large pizza 50/50 with another guy (UNC grad....*ahem*), walked the ~mile to my place, then decided I needed more and grabbed a McChicken, two double cheeseburgers, two four-piece nuggets and a small fry.
 
One night freshman year one of my suitemates' GF brought by a large heart-shaped cake with white icing. She knew he would not be there that night but would be back the next day and asked me and another suitemate to hold it for him and that we could help ourselves if we wanted a piece.

thanks, whatevs, white cake, meh.

So the other guy tries it, not expecting much. Best fuckin' cake he's ever had. So I tried some and holy shit that was good.

We ended up eating so much of it that the only part left was the left side upper curve of the heart. Yeah, we ate 2/3 of this huge banquet-sized cake. So we put a notch at the top of it, scraped up some frosting from the box to cover the exposed places, to replicate its former heart shape. We put it on a plate with with saran wrap or something, and presented it to him the next day as if she had given him a single-serving cake.

Still ashamed to this day...
 
Really surprised Moonz and his parodies haven't jumped all over this thread
 
Pretty much all my fatty moments have involved smoking copious amounts of ganja...

One night my wife was at work, so I ordered an extra large pizza. This is NY-style pizza, so the thing was about the size of a manhole cover. Figured I'd eat some, save the rest for breakfast/lunch the next day. Ate two pieces. Still hungry. Ate two more pieces. Still hungry. Now there's half a pizza left and I've reached a critical point. If I eat one more piece, my wife is going to come home and be like, "What the hell did you do?" So I ate the whole fucking thing, then walked down the block and threw the empty pizza box in my neighbor's garbage so the wife wouldn't find it. Still not sure how I didn't vomit that night.

Back when I lived in Portland I would go to Blazers games all the time and they give out coupons to all fans for a free Taco Bell chalupa if the Blazers score more than 100 points. Got super baked one night and had a hankering for some chalupas, then I read the fine print and the coupons say, "Limit 1 chalupa per person, per visit." So I do a quick Google Maps search for all the Taco Bells in Portland, then spend the next hour driving all over town cashing in coupons. Got home and ate like seven chalupas. I honestly thought I was going to die.

Going in the way-way-back machine, I got drunk in college one night and was like, "Hot dog eating competitions are for pussies. That doesn't look so hard." Decided to cook and eat an entire 8-pack of Ballpark franks, with buns and all. I barfed so fucking hard that I thought my intestines were going to come out my mouth. Not a real proud moment in my life.
 
Either my freshman or Sophomore year at Wake I went out for a late night/early morning Waffle house dining experience with a few friends.
I was pretty hungry and ordered my typical triple order of hashbrowns....smothered, covered and chunked. My other friends ordered more complicated dishes so mine came out way before theirs. I was too hungry to wait on them so I started eating. I was done before their food even came. The waitress asked me if I wanted anything else....I said. Yeah, give me another triple order. She said, if you can finish it, it's free. Naturally, I finished it and my friends goaded me to get another triple order...which I did and which was free if i finished. I did finish. By that time I was worried that I wasn't going to stop and people were getting tired, so I ordered a double order to finish things off so we could go home.
11 orders total of Waffle House hash browns...smothered, covered and chunked.

For my summers in high school I worked at a plant and did a lot of rigorous manual labor. I always ate a lot because I was in high school and the labor made me extra hungry. One day, when I literally hadn't consumed a thing other than 2 or 3 glasses of water in 72 hours due to the worst food poisoning of my life, I went to Subway and ate 3 footlong meatball subs.

A different day, but the same job, I went to KFC with my brother and we ordered a 20 piece chicken bucket and crushed the whole thing

One day two of my stoner friends decided they could both beat me (non-stoner) in a McDonalds eating competition. I knew they were both wrong and even allowed them to get high before our competition.
The starting order was 2 double quarter pounder meals with supersized fries each...the plan was to keep going until there was only one standing. Neither of them finished their second meal, but I did and to gloat I finished their unfinished food for them.

I don't know if it's still there but there used to be a place way up Reynolda called Laney's wings. On Tuesdays (i think) they had all you can eat wings for $10 or something like that. Their wings were pretty large and they served you ten wings at a time....I ate 8 plates of wings
 
when I first moved to DC I had 2 jumbo slices one night

tumblr_l8suzrxEWR1qz4aomo1_500.jpg


note the size of the bill next to the pizza and that it takes up 2 paper plates
 
BarcaDeac said:
when I first moved to DC I had 2 jumbo slices one night

tumblr_l8suzrxEWR1qz4aomo1_500.jpg


note the size of the bill next to the pizza and that it takes up 2 paper plates
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the number of hangovers that i avoided by eating a jumbo slice at the end of the night is equal only to the number of mornings(or was that afternoons??) i woke up smelling and still tasting one of those.
 
CrapshootDeac said:
Pretty much all my fatty moments have involved smoking copious amounts of ganja...

One night my wife was at work, so I ordered an extra large pizza. This is NY-style pizza, so the thing was about the size of a manhole cover. Figured I'd eat some, save the rest for breakfast/lunch the next day. Ate two pieces. Still hungry. Ate two more pieces. Still hungry. Now there's half a pizza left and I've reached a critical point. If I eat one more piece, my wife is going to come home and be like, "What the hell did you do?" So I ate the whole fucking thing, then walked down the block and threw the empty pizza box in my neighbor's garbage so the wife wouldn't find it. Still not sure how I didn't vomit that night.

Back when I lived in Portland I would go to Blazers games all the time and they give out coupons to all fans for a free Taco Bell chalupa if the Blazers score more than 100 points. Got super baked one night and had a hankering for some chalupas, then I read the fine print and the coupons say, "Limit 1 chalupa per person, per visit." So I do a quick Google Maps search for all the Taco Bells in Portland, then spend the next hour driving all over town cashing in coupons. Got home and ate like seven chalupas. I honestly thought I was going to die.

Going in the way-way-back machine, I got drunk in college one night and was like, "Hot dog eating competitions are for pussies. That doesn't look so hard." Decided to cook and eat an entire 8-pack of Ballpark franks, with buns and all. I barfed so fucking hard that I thought my intestines were going to come out my mouth. Not a real proud moment in my life.
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all amazing
 
I took a Europe trip with some Wake friends way back in the day and it was safe to say I had the lowest family net worth of the group. I earned the name "The Vulture" because I quit ordering food and just ate their leftovers as we went from country to country. I'd eat off of six or more different plates. They were wealthy and wasteful....huge portion $30 per plate lunches were common and they only ever ate about 1/3 of what they ordered. The girls were the worst...they would get samples of many different things and only eat a little off each plate. I chipped in for gratuity and paid my share of the alcohol consumed. But hey fuck them if they were going to throw away fresh good food. They didn't really care. Not sure if this was a fatty story or what but the experience just stuck in my memory.
 
Brangus said:
I was drunk and constipated in law school, and my pizza arrived so I took it in the bathroom and sat the pizza on my lap and a six pack of beer on the floor and dropped a long, slow, slow deuce while I ate the whole damn pizza and killed off the beer. I only burped up vomit once but swallowed it.

Cousin-Eddie-Beer.jpg
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hahahaha holy shit
 
for the Suqueboard Olympics, I inhaled a Chipotle burrito in 2:43 and beat most of the guys competing.
 
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