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The Pit Parenting Thread

True story from 2 days ago:

<INT. AUTOMOBILE - AFTERNOON>

Say Hey Deac making best efforts to entertain kids in car so they're happy when we arrive home to see Mrs Say Hey.

SHD: Girl, are you a monkey?
GIRL (smiling): Yeah!
SHD (smiling): Boy, are you a monkey? Are you Curious George?
BOY: I'm not Curious George. He's gay!

SHD is taken aback, smile dissipates, furiously begins scrolling through parenting guidebook located in brain.

SHD: What did you say?
BOY: Curious George is gay and I'm not gay!
SHD: Where did you learn that? Did you hear that at school?
BOY (making direct eye contact): Curious George is gay!
SHD: Okay, that's not a thing that we say.
BOY (louder and authoritative): Curious George is gay!
SHD (now getting mad): Boy, stop saying that.
BOY (still direct eye contact, yelling): He IS gay!
SHD (fully mad): Listen. I don't want you to--
BOY (interrupting, confused): But Curious George is gay! That is his color!

SHD stops, realizes Boy is trying to say "gray."

SHD: Duuuuuuuude, it's "gray." "Gray." Like, "guhr-ay." Not "gay." You need to enunciate. Also, Curious George is brown, not gray.

<END SCENE>
 
I got a good one from yesterday sitting at the supper table.

Birdie: Daddy I got a knock knock joke.
Me: Okay, let's hear it.
Birdie: Knock Knock
Me: Who's there?
Birdie: Daddy
Me: Daddy who?
Birdie: Daddy farts a lot
Me: That's mildly entertaining
Birdie: Hmmm...Daddy Farts A Lot...that sounds like an Indian name. (in deep voice)Hi. Me Daddy Farts A Lot.
Me: Where on earth did you hear that?
Birdie: Pawpaw told me how to make funny Indian names.
 
Say Hey Deac said:
True story from 2 days ago:

<INT. AUTOMOBILE - AFTERNOON>

Say Hey Deac making best efforts to entertain kids in car so they're happy when we arrive home to see Mrs Say Hey.

SHD: Girl, are you a monkey?
GIRL (smiling): Yeah!
SHD (smiling): Boy, are you a monkey? Are you Curious George?
BOY: I'm not Curious George. He's gay!

SHD is taken aback, smile dissipates, furiously begins scrolling through parenting guidebook located in brain.

SHD: What did you say?
BOY: Curious George is gay and I'm not gay!
SHD: Where did you learn that? Did you hear that at school?
BOY (making direct eye contact): Curious George is gay!
SHD: Okay, that's not a thing that we say.
BOY (louder and authoritative): Curious George is gay!
SHD (now getting mad): Boy, stop saying that.
BOY (still direct eye contact, yelling): He IS gay!
SHD (fully mad): Listen. I don't want you to--
BOY (interrupting, confused): But Curious George is gay! That is his color!

SHD stops, realizes Boy is trying to say "gray."

SHD: Duuuuuuuude, it's "gray." "Gray." Like, "guhr-ay." Not "gay." You need to enunciate. Also, Curious George is brown, not gray.

<END SCENE>
Click to expand...

BAHAHAHAH this is hilarious. How old is the boy? For a minute I was thinking he was the younger one and was v impressed but now I think he's the older.
 
wfudkn said:
Just out of curiosity, is there a kid in your nanny share named Irene? Kinda like playing the "You went to Ohio State, did you know John Smith" game, but I know someone in that same setup that lives near you.
Click to expand...

Nope. Olive, Arthur, and Peyton.
 
Say Hey Deac said:
True story from 2 days ago:

<INT. AUTOMOBILE - AFTERNOON>

Say Hey Deac making best efforts to entertain kids in car so they're happy when we arrive home to see Mrs Say Hey.

SHD: Girl, are you a monkey?
GIRL (smiling): Yeah!
SHD (smiling): Boy, are you a monkey? Are you Curious George?
BOY: I'm not Curious George. He's gay!

SHD is taken aback, smile dissipates, furiously begins scrolling through parenting guidebook located in brain.

SHD: What did you say?
BOY: Curious George is gay and I'm not gay!
SHD: Where did you learn that? Did you hear that at school?
BOY (making direct eye contact): Curious George is gay!
SHD: Okay, that's not a thing that we say.
BOY (louder and authoritative): Curious George is gay!
SHD (now getting mad): Boy, stop saying that.
BOY (still direct eye contact, yelling): He IS gay!
SHD (fully mad): Listen. I don't want you to--
BOY (interrupting, confused): But Curious George is gay! That is his color!

SHD stops, realizes Boy is trying to say "gray."

SHD: Duuuuuuuude, it's "gray." "Gray." Like, "guhr-ay." Not "gay." You need to enunciate. Also, Curious George is brown, not gray.

<END SCENE>
Click to expand...

So he's now not homophobic, but is racist. You should tell him that all make-believe illustrated monkeys bleed the same color blood as little boys and that we are all living things and we should love each other equally, though probably not as much as little boys love trains, because that might be impossible.
 
3 1/2 yo rips his pants and underwear off together

"TA DAAAAAAAAA! MY PENIS!"

[Please don't laugh please don't laugh ]

Leaves room
 
I went to my first baby shower ever today. A friend of ours got the parents the book "go the f-ck to sleep". We just sat down to watch Samuel L Jackson narrate it. That book is hilarious.
 
Yeah, it just gets funnier too once you go through it. It's funny because it's true
 
I'm sure it's been discussed, but perhaps there are newer opinions than those already discussed....

Minivans. My Volvo S40 has some sizable repairs (over $1,000) that are needed and we've been talking about the need for a van (wife has a Toyota Corolla) now that we have 2 kids, so I think we're going to get one instead of fixing a car that doesn't really suit our needs anymore. Thinking of a Toyota Sienna or Honda Odyssey - any do's or don'ts when buying a minivan?
 
RevDeac06 said:
I'm sure it's been discussed, but perhaps there are newer opinions than those already discussed....

Minivans. My Volvo S40 has some sizable repairs (over $1,000) that are needed and we've been talking about the need for a van (wife has a Toyota Corolla) now that we have 2 kids, so I think we're going to get one instead of fixing a car that doesn't really suit our needs anymore. Thinking of a Toyota Sienna or Honda Odyssey - any do's or don'ts when buying a minivan?
Click to expand...

Following

(We're also in the market although haven't done much legwork yet. Second kid on the way so it's not super imperative, but when also adding in dog to travel plans, and all the kid stuff, it's just SO. MUCH. EASIER. And I come from a family that had minivans all growing up - and my parents still have one even though kids are 35, 32, and 29 - so no stigma for me.)

FWIW I feel like I hear a lot about Honda Odessey being the best - but also the most expensive.
 
I was putting the 8 month old to bed and came out of the room to find the 3 year old with "that look on his face" after smearing chapstick all over the flat screen.
 
RevDeac06 said:
I'm sure it's been discussed, but perhaps there are newer opinions than those already discussed....

Minivans. My Volvo S40 has some sizable repairs (over $1,000) that are needed and we've been talking about the need for a van (wife has a Toyota Corolla) now that we have 2 kids, so I think we're going to get one instead of fixing a car that doesn't really suit our needs anymore. Thinking of a Toyota Sienna or Honda Odyssey - any do's or don'ts when buying a minivan?
Click to expand...

V60 Polestar is the correct answer.
 
MHBDemon said:
I was putting the 8 month old to bed and came out of the room to find the 3 year old with "that look on his face" after smearing chapstick all over the flat screen.
Click to expand...

Sorry about your loss. True shame when you have to send a kid the the orphanage.
 
RevDeac06 said:
I'm sure it's been discussed, but perhaps there are newer opinions than those already discussed....

Minivans. My Volvo S40 has some sizable repairs (over $1,000) that are needed and we've been talking about the need for a van (wife has a Toyota Corolla) now that we have 2 kids, so I think we're going to get one instead of fixing a car that doesn't really suit our needs anymore. Thinking of a Toyota Sienna or Honda Odyssey - any do's or don'ts when buying a minivan?
Click to expand...

I was just in NC and got to cruise around town in my friend's new Honda Odyssey - it was AWESOME (and I am being serious). She's got 3 kids under 3 (2.5yo, 3mo twins) and I have no idea how they would be doing it without a van, but she's said -at this point- that even with two kids, the van is just so much more convenient for everything. Everything fits, everyone has room, the doors are very kid-friendly, etc. Plus, buttons for all the doors is really convenient for everyone. As a passenger, I can say it was a very smooth ride.
They had a hard time finding one in NC (they were looking for a newer model/low mileage used van in the triangle area) and ended up buying in VA, so if you're looking used consider expanding your search range.
 
Big fan of mini van. My wife chose a highlander instead which we dig. But I'd go minivan in a heartbeat. It's your own private limo.
 
I have a Sienna -- absolutely essential for us with 3 still in car seats. Bought a certified used 2012 with about 12k miles. Drives likes a sedan.
 
RevDeac06 said:
I'm sure it's been discussed, but perhaps there are newer opinions than those already discussed....

Minivans. My Volvo S40 has some sizable repairs (over $1,000) that are needed and we've been talking about the need for a van (wife has a Toyota Corolla) now that we have 2 kids, so I think we're going to get one instead of fixing a car that doesn't really suit our needs anymore. Thinking of a Toyota Sienna or Honda Odyssey - any do's or don'ts when buying a minivan?
Click to expand...
I love my Sienna, but you may need to think about carseat placement/needs, technically the odyssey has more options for forward and rear facing carseats in terms of configurations. I have an 8 seater sienna and seriously don't know how I did without it. I am a total #vanmom
 
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