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The Pit Parenting Thread

LadyDeac03 said:
Put me in the 2.5 year old bedtime routine nightmare camp. Uggggh.

He started climbing out of his crib right around 2 and 2-3 months, so we converted it to a toddler bed, and he was really fine for a while. Sometimes had to go in a few times after initial door closing, but would generally get to sleep eventually. Mostly it was that he wasn't super tired if he napped during the afternoon (he needs WAY less sleep than our older daughter).

About 2.5 weeks ago we did potty training, and it actually went surprisingly really well. Took like 4 days to get the hang of it, but since day 5 he basically hasn't had any daytime accidents. Still doing pull-ups at night, but they are probably dry 5/7 nights.

But recently bedtimes have been insanely difficult. I think it's a combo of not being super tired and also having a big attachment thing going on recently (he's also been very clingy and crying at nannyshare drop off and not wanting us to leave him, etc). But it's exacerbated by the potty training because he knows that having to go potty is a way he can get us to come back in and / or he can leave his room (lots of "poo poo coming out right now!" "my body is telling me I need to go pee pee"). If he was trying his usual tricks of one more rock, need a bandaid, rub my back, etc we would probably ignore. But now he combos those requests up with the bathroom thing and I feel like we can't deny a request for the bathroom (even if he's already been 7 times within the lat 30 min).

Any tips along those lines? I know we could do the stay in the room til he falls asleep thing (totally respect the people that go this route!), but given that often times he doesn't even really seem tired, I do not relish the idea of being held captive in there for 1-2 hours of my limited evening time. I read one suggestion about offering that if he's quiet and stays in bed for 5 min that we'll come back in and give him another kiss and hug - and then keep extending that time. Anyone tried anything like that for an attachment issue at bedtime?
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Stop giving him rock before bed maybe?
 
When ours were transitioning we started "cuddle time." We would sit in the rocker or lay on the bed and tell them 5 min only. That worked for a bit then a regression came. We proactively gave a "would you like a special cuddle minute?" For whatever reason that worked well and the complaints ended and they let us leave with only occasional complaints. They also did not have any clue if it was 1 minute or 15 (whatever our mood/need was that night.
 
So we have tried the “we’ll come back to give another hug in 5 min if you stay quietly in bed” for the last 4 nights and it has been surprisingly effective (knock on wood). Seems like it’s pretty much 100% an attachment thing so he’s chill when he knows we’ll be back. Tonight he kept saying “you’ll come back in?” as were doing bedtime routine.
 
I may be getting really old, but can someone explain kids' obsession with Old Town Road? This is worse than the Baby Shark song. Is there something I'm missing? The song is horrible, but I think every kid from 5-15 has videoed themselves singing it.
 
lbE08 said:
Stepson is in a similar boat. it's amazing how much he's matured over the last year. There are definitely still things that are like, "wow dude... you didn't give that a whole lot of thought, did you?" but for the most part, he's really coming into his own and actually starting to show that he's been listening to us over the last few years. biggest strides have been in personal responsibility/accountability for school work and wanting to do well... pretty awesome.
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Welp, totally jinxed everything with this comment. I take it all back, with regard to schoolwork.
On the positive - PM and I definitely know he feels comfortable talk to us about some pretty emotionally heavy stuff, but dang. This stuff is hard, and we're kind of at a loss right now in terms of how to best support him.


He's very sensitive, and especially concerned about everyone's perception of him. From a peer perspective, I get it... to an extent. But it's to the point that he doesn't even want to ask us a question at home, because "someone at school might find out he had to ask a question, and then they'll think he's dumb." He is fixated on people thinking he is dumb. Unfortunately, by not asking key questions, he's been missing some kind of fundamental concepts lately, and that's turning into him actually getting things wrong. We're doing our best to convince him that the house is a safe place and we can always ask us if he has a question, and that it's our responsibility as grownups to make sure he has the support and resources he needs to be successful. We would like to trust him when we ask if he's doing what he's supposed to, but if it comes back that he's only telling us what we want to hear and not actually trying his hardest (which would include using outside resources when necessary), then it's going to be a problem... and that's where we're at now. What's also tricky is that this is a change from the beginning of the year; he was more on the ball at that point. Nothing has changed for him personally, but he's seen other kids turn on the kids who are asking questions and is petrified of that happening to him. I say petrified almost literally; he would rather do absolutely nothing and sit there frozen than risk having someone think for a second that he doesn't know what's going on. What's crazy is that one of the now 'dumb' kids is a friend of his, and he admits that his friend is really smart (and does assignments better/faster than he does)... but that's not enough to convince him that smart kids have to ask questions, too.

We're kind of stuck. Does anyone have any experience with this kind of situation, or recall anything from their own childhood about how they worked through some of these fears? Any help appreciated.
 
You gotta arm him with about 10 dope comebacks. Kids gotta know when they start attacking him that he will hit back.
 
Yeah, tell him to ask those fat dwarves about the Dorito dust under their fingernails.
 
JamesSokolove said:
You gotta arm him with about 10 dope comebacks. Kids gotta know when they start attacking him that he will hit back.
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see, that was kind of my thought... except I asked him if kids are actually picking on other kids, and he said "No, but it's what people THINK, and if they think you're dumb they just kind of treat you different or hope they don't get paired with you on assignments." He's honestly just afraid of other people's thoughts - which may or may not even be real!

...so, the tricky part is that we're not combating an actual THING that's happening, we are combating kiddo's idea/thought of what is happening. I mean, your perception is your reality, so if you're perceiving that others are treating you differently it sure feels real... but it's freaking impossible to have him understand that most of this not only doesn't matter, but that it's all in his head.
 
I get the impression from around here that boys don’t pick on boys the way they used to. They’ll get into it from time to time but it’s not straight up bullying.
 
lbE08 said:
for people with older kids - two books I've checked out recently that are pretty great are 'Simplicity Parenting' (good to reinforce 'less is more') and 'The Self-Directed Child' (helps frame conversations and situations so you're helping the kid figure out they want to do things for their own benefit - like homework - instead of always just riding them to get things done). I'd really recommend both.
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Did you mean "The Self-Driven Child"? Because I can't find "The Self-Directed Child" and it sounded like it matched my parenting style of "you kids just need to figure it out for yourselves" when they come to me whining about whatever bullshit is going on.
 
DeacsATS said:
Did you mean "The Self-Driven Child"? Because I can't find "The Self-Directed Child" and it sounded like it matched my parenting style of "you kids just need to figure it out for yourselves" when they come to me whining about whatever bullshit is going on.
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yes! the self-driven child. I blame the error on pregnancy.
 
My wife left yesterday for a bachelorette party. Last night was the first night with just me and the boy since he was born in September.
 
DeaconCav06 said:
My wife left yesterday for a bachelorette party. Last night was the first night with just me and the boy since he was born in September.
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Oh man, did you marry that undergrad you met at Florida? I feel like that was ages ago, but it's all coming back now
 
lbE08 said:
Welp, totally jinxed everything with this comment. I take it all back, with regard to schoolwork.
On the positive - PM and I definitely know he feels comfortable talk to us about some pretty emotionally heavy stuff, but dang. This stuff is hard, and we're kind of at a loss right now in terms of how to best support him.


He's very sensitive, and especially concerned about everyone's perception of him. From a peer perspective, I get it... to an extent. But it's to the point that he doesn't even want to ask us a question at home, because "someone at school might find out he had to ask a question, and then they'll think he's dumb." He is fixated on people thinking he is dumb. Unfortunately, by not asking key questions, he's been missing some kind of fundamental concepts lately, and that's turning into him actually getting things wrong. We're doing our best to convince him that the house is a safe place and we can always ask us if he has a question, and that it's our responsibility as grownups to make sure he has the support and resources he needs to be successful. We would like to trust him when we ask if he's doing what he's supposed to, but if it comes back that he's only telling us what we want to hear and not actually trying his hardest (which would include using outside resources when necessary), then it's going to be a problem... and that's where we're at now. What's also tricky is that this is a change from the beginning of the year; he was more on the ball at that point. Nothing has changed for him personally, but he's seen other kids turn on the kids who are asking questions and is petrified of that happening to him. I say petrified almost literally; he would rather do absolutely nothing and sit there frozen than risk having someone think for a second that he doesn't know what's going on. What's crazy is that one of the now 'dumb' kids is a friend of his, and he admits that his friend is really smart (and does assignments better/faster than he does)... but that's not enough to convince him that smart kids have to ask questions, too.

We're kind of stuck. Does anyone have any experience with this kind of situation, or recall anything from their own childhood about how they worked through some of these fears? Any help appreciated.
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Is there a way to convince him that actually asking questions is what smart people do? Scientists ask questions. Doctors ask questions. Detectives ask questions. Asking good questions actually proves that you're smart, not that you're dumb. My parents used to ask me "Did you ask any good questions today?" when i came home. It doesn't necessarily get to the heart of his social anxiety, but seems could change his perception on how it looks to ask questions and maybe even give him something to say to other kids who try to make him feel bad about it.
 
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