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Bed bugs: a millennial tries to cope

This is what happens when you buy your fitted sheets used on Craigslist.
 
Hour 8 since bed bug discovery. No sleep now for 26 hours and counting. The bugs have taken their toll physically with bites numbering into the dozens on my arms and legs. They've taken their toll emotionally as I sit on my front stoop in the rain just trying to strategize. I don't even know if my truck is safe or another hot zone, so I took a cab to Target and panic-bought like $300 in provisions, including a few days' new clothes, socks, shoes, boxer briefs, toiletries luggage to put it in, trash bags for thermally cleaned up stuff, and some Kind bars because they were on sale. So I am waiting, half asleep to hear from what was sounded like a Pakistani man to call me about coming to check things out and maybe spray or do some dog sniffing or thermal/chemical treatments or whatever. After that I am going to take a shower, change into treated clothes, take my new shit from Target, and if my car checks out ok, drive to the suburbs where my gf's parents live and try my 100% boy scout hardest not to infect their McMansion.

Someone point out the fatal flaw in my plan please because it seems like I'm probably overlooking something. The bugs are winning the battle right now and it's honestly not even close.

Can i take my phone/wallet/keys with me? Are they safe? Is every surface of my house a potential nest for bed bug larvae?

Earlier I was talking to the Pakistani guy and I think I kept calling them bug beds instead of bed bugs.

Barely lucid now, wish me luck. These are the rambles of a shellshocked infestee.
 
TownieDeac said:
Hour 8 since bed bug discovery. No sleep now for 26 hours and counting. The bugs have taken their toll physically with bites numbering into the dozens on my arms and legs. They've taken their toll emotionally as I sit on my front stoop in the rain just trying to strategize. I don't even know if my truck is safe or another hot zone, so I took a cab to Target and panic-bought like $300 in provisions, including a few days' new clothes, socks, shoes, boxer briefs, toiletries luggage to put it in, trash bags for thermally cleaned up stuff, and some Kind bars because they were on sale. So I am waiting, half asleep to hear from what was sounded like a Pakistani man to call me about coming to check things out and maybe spray or do some dog sniffing or thermal/chemical treatments or whatever. After that I am going to take a shower, change into treated clothes, take my new shit from Target, and if my car checks out ok, drive to the suburbs where my gf's parents live and try my 100% boy scout hardest not to infect their McMansion.

Someone point out the fatal flaw in my plan please because it seems like I'm probably overlooking something. The bugs are winning the battle right now and it's honestly not even close.

Can i take my phone/wallet/keys with me? Are they safe? Is every surface of my house a potential nest for bed bug larvae?

Earlier I was talking to the Pakistani guy and I think I kept calling them bug beds instead of bed bugs.

Barely lucid now, wish me luck. These are the rambles of a shellshocked infestee.
Click to expand...

Make sure you wrap up everything you take over to the inlaws and keep it elevated so the bedbugs can't make the transition. I would recommend one of these:

bindlestiff.JPG
 
TownieDeac said:
Hour 8 since bed bug discovery. No sleep now for 26 hours and counting. The bugs have taken their toll physically with bites numbering into the dozens on my arms and legs. They've taken their toll emotionally as I sit on my front stoop in the rain just trying to strategize. I don't even know if my truck is safe or another hot zone, so I took a cab to Target and panic-bought like $300 in provisions, including a few days' new clothes, socks, shoes, boxer briefs, toiletries luggage to put it in, trash bags for thermally cleaned up stuff, and some Kind bars because they were on sale. So I am waiting, half asleep to hear from what was sounded like a Pakistani man to call me about coming to check things out and maybe spray or do some dog sniffing or thermal/chemical treatments or whatever. After that I am going to take a shower, change into treated clothes, take my new shit from Target, and if my car checks out ok, drive to the suburbs where my gf's parents live and try my 100% boy scout hardest not to infect their McMansion.

Someone point out the fatal flaw in my plan please because it seems like I'm probably overlooking something. The bugs are winning the battle right now and it's honestly not even close.

Can i take my phone/wallet/keys with me? Are they safe? Is every surface of my house a potential nest for bed bug larvae?

Earlier I was talking to the Pakistani guy and I think I kept calling them bug beds instead of bed bugs.

Barely lucid now, wish me luck. These are the rambles of a shellshocked infestee.
Click to expand...

This is the best post you have ever made.
 
Target. I haven't bought anything second hand in a long time. Have hardwood floors.

But they've hit South Philly really hard apparently. And I live in a row house that has had pest problems in the past (mice, cockroaches).

Complete and utter squalor, my life.

How much do exterminators cost? Exterminator has to be the most badass job title of all time, no?
 
I am out of here 4/30.

If I have to burn every item I own, every obscure record, every gay elf pant, every participation trophy, every Wake the Neighbors tie dye, every last thing I own and quit my job and quarantine myself in some YMCA sauna for the next 30 days, so help me Satan I will not, I will NOT let these bugs win.

Also DeacFan2009, you should probably come visit another weekend, man.
 
We recently dealt with this in a rental unit. We had exterminators treat with heat - it cost like $750. They were back in >month and we treated again at the reduced price of $550. Exterminators will sometimes retreat for free within a month if they come back. These guys said our tenants were bringing them in... Weird. This is a long time tenant and first time problem - it is a multi-unit building and none of the other units have a problem. Tenant says they have not bought any used furniture or anything. Don't know where they come from! Any future treatments will be on the tenant.
 
$750? $750?

Fuck.

I better go take some shit back to Target.


So some of you on the chat thread know about my one roommate who is...special. His suggestion was to let loose his pet tarantula, Killer, and see how many fuckers he could kill.

And look maybe I'm just tired, maybe I'm an idiot. But for a minute there, I was like, well I already have a fucking parasitic infestation of my bedroom, what's one more spider gonna do? Then I thought about a tarantula walking up my walls, onto like, my Paul Simon poster or something and changed my mind. I may attempt sleep and tell mouthbreather roommate to answer my phone if a Pakistani calls. I've only filled up one of these monstrous trash bags so far. No idea if I actually killed anything or just sent a bunch of bedbugs to a hot, crowded theme park.
 
TownieDeac said:
So some of you on the chat thread know about my one roommate who is...special. His suggestion was to let loose his pet tarantula, Killer, and see how many fuckers he could kill.

And look maybe I'm just tired, maybe I'm an idiot. But for a minute there, I was like, well I already have a fucking parasitic infestation of my bedroom, what's one more spider gonna do? Then I thought about a tarantula walking up my walls, onto like, my Paul Simon poster or something and changed my mind. I may attempt sleep and tell mouthbreather roommate to answer my phone if a Pakistani calls. I've only filled up one of these monstrous trash bags so far. No idea if I actually killed anything or just sent a bunch of bedbugs to a hot, crowded theme park.
Click to expand...

This just sounds simply fascinating. Please do a Cliffs Notes version on your roommate... for those of us who avoid those chat threads like the plague.
 
I envision your roommate to be like zack galifnakas in the hangover.

Also? Sucks you've gotta deal with this. Your roommates are in on the woes, too- will they help pay?
 
Unemployed lawyer mouthbreather roommate is looking up legal statutes for if the landlord is liable for these bills.

He bought a fax machine recently. ("Only $90 on Craigslist!") That should supplement his two iPads, iPhone, and MacBook Pro. He's a pager away from being gainfully employed, I'm guessing.
 
TownieDeac said:
Unemployed lawyer mouthbreather roommate is looking up legal statutes for if the landlord is liable for these bills.

He bought a fax machine recently. ("Only $90 on Craigslist!") That should supplement his two iPads, iPhone, and MacBook Pro. He's a pager away from being gainfully employed, I'm guessing.
Click to expand...

There's your culprit. Bed bug ridden fax machine!

If you have bed bugs there's a pretty good chance that your roommates have bed bugs so they should be taking some precautions too.
 
TownieDeac said:
Unemployed lawyer mouthbreather roommate is looking up legal statutes for if the landlord is liable for these bills.

He bought a fax machine recently. ("Only $90 on Craigslist!") That should supplement his two iPads, iPhone, and MacBook Pro. He's a pager away from being gainfully employed, I'm guessing.
Click to expand...

That mother fucker faxed over bed bugs!
 
Should I smoke some weed? I feel like I should smoke some weed.

Also this whole fax machine as the cause of bedbugs does not seem in the least bit far fetched. However, no one else has been bitten yet and they've done pretty thorough searches of their rooms.

If my fortieth load into the dryer causes a house fire today, will that kill the bugs? I feel like it's just a way of spreading this shit to whatever fire station responds.

Gonna wait on the ganj. My decision making is alllll fucked up as is.
 
1. You can't change the world
2. Stop being so idealistic
3. Realize that money allows a certain level of comfort
4. Get a better job
5. Stop living in the ghetto
6. Buy a new mattress
7. Welcome to your new life.
8. The bugs are probs posting on the bug board abt a dirty ironic wooktard infestation
 
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