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Bed bugs: a millennial tries to cope

You should definitely coat your entire body in Vaseline so that they can't hitchhike on your hair, taint, and other areas.
 
I found one. Further searches have yielded 0 bugs.

But I read on the internet somewhere their larvae are individually the size of specks of dust. And I've got a shitload of dust in my room. So I feel like this could go either way. Either they lift some surface and find a Men in Black type alien bug infestation, or I killed the one bed bug who has done all this to me.

Time will tell.
 
Townie they're fucking everywhere man. As someone who has worked in the real estate industry, trust me, its a fucking plague.

If I'm you I throw away anything with a soft surface (bedding, couches, chairs, anything cushioned) and washing the living fuck out of all of your clothes.

That's really all you can do man. Sorry.
 
TheTwinAndreBen said:
1. You can't change the world
2. Stop being so idealistic
3. Realize that money allows a certain level of comfort
4. Get a better job
5. Stop living in the ghetto
6. Buy a new mattress
7. Welcome to your new life.
8. The bugs are probs posting on the bug board abt a dirty ironic wooktard infestation
Click to expand...

Somewhere between my first panic attack, my second written plan of action, and my first attempt at meditation/ breathing exercises, the thought did cross my mind that none of this shit would have happened had I just been, like, an Econ major.

I stepped foot in Tribble freshmen year and wandered out some time later with a BA in English, a bunch of debt, and a marginally better understanding of James Joyce.
 
TownieDeac said:
Somewhere between my first panic attack, my second written plan of action, and my first attempt at meditation/ breathing exercises, the thought did cross my mind that none of this shit would have happened had I just been, like, an Econ major.

I stepped foot in Tribble freshmen year and wandered out some time later with a BA in English, a bunch of debt, and a marginally better understanding of James Joyce.
Click to expand...

dude, you're young. Marry a really rich woman. Keep smoking herb and write some shit. You'll be fine
 
This is the most creative thing I've written since college and that Cracked article ITC linked super early on this thread is way better written.

No one is picking up my 45 page novella, Google God, surprisingly enough.

Anyway this is getting a little too self loathing. I've gotta go sit on the washer. If you put more than a couple hand towels in it, it bucks like a Chilean earthquake tremor and the top falls off.
 
TownieDeac said:
I found one. Further searches have yielded 0 bugs.

But I read on the internet somewhere their larvae are individually the size of specks of dust. And I've got a shitload of dust in my room. So I feel like this could go either way. Either they lift some surface and find a Men in Black type alien bug infestation, or I killed the one bed bug who has done all this to me.

Time will tell.
Click to expand...

The larvae is small, but visible. Much more noticeable is their feces. If you (more likely exterminator) can't find the source, treating the room likely isn't going to do a damn thing. They hide in cracks in flooring/walls, between the joints on beds frames, in the mattress, behind dressers, etc. The reason they've become far more problematic is most treatments aren't strong enough to kill them unless direct contact is made. You should probably find an illegal source of DDT and go to town on them.

This picture shows pretty much all the things to look for. Larvae, babies, full grown adults, and the feces.

bedbuginfurniture.jpg
 
Write what you know.

Good-natured and intelligent young man moves to Philly, gets a job, meets a girl, gets the crabs, loses girl, takes drugs, has epiphany, shaves beard and joins Tea Party......
 
Great, thanks Husky. So if he doesn't find the motherload, I shouldn't pony up the $750 or whatever?

Pakistani just called. Said his name was Ed. He may not be Pakistani. Will have some answers within the hour.
 
WakeandBake said:
Write what you know.

Good-natured and intelligent young man moves to Philly, gets a job, meets a girl, gets the crabs, loses girl, takes drugs, has epiphany, shaves beard and joins Tea Party......
Click to expand...

Don't forget jacks off while sitting on a washer.
 
TownieDeac said:
Great, thanks Husky. So if he doesn't find the motherload, I shouldn't pony up the $750 or whatever?

Pakistani just called. Said his name was Ed. He may not be Pakistani. Will have some answers within the hour.
Click to expand...

Your call. From my experience you're not going to solve the problem unless you know where they are. I'd also make sure this guy has plenty of experience with bed bugs and isn't just a general exterminator. Fighting rats is a different game.
 
Yea this is a bed bug specific company.
 
"Shave gross balls" is kinda out there as a tag but I can dig it. Is it referring to crabs? Is that a treatment for crabs? I'd love to see that convo go down between doc and patient.

"Doc, lately my balls have been itching even more than usual."
"Ok lemme take a look. Yep it's DEFINITELY crabs. I'm gonna recommend, and this is a technical, medical term, that you shave your gross balls and come back and see me in a few weeks."


Hurry up, Ed.
 
$1100 quote for whole house treatment. Full warranty for a year if they come back. It's in our lease this is the landlord's financial responsibility. We'll see what he says/does.
 
TownieDeac said:
$1100 quote for whole house treatment. Full warranty for a year if they come back. It's in our lease this is the landlord's financial responsibility. We'll see what he says/does.
Click to expand...

He (hopefully) should pony up. It hurts his ability to rent out the place and I think you could technically terminate the lease/move out early if a problem like that isn't taken care of.
 
He's not dragging his feet. He's gonna get a couple other quotes, but he will pony up for treatment.

I think I may live to tell this tale.
 
i think knight sees himself as a sort of pussy exterminator
 
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