Welp, totally jinxed everything with this comment. I take it all back, with regard to schoolwork.
On the positive - PM and I definitely know he feels comfortable talk to us about some pretty emotionally heavy stuff, but dang. This stuff is hard, and we're kind of at a loss right now in terms of how to best support him.
He's very sensitive, and especially concerned about everyone's perception of him. From a peer perspective, I get it... to an extent. But it's to the point that he doesn't even want to ask us a question at home, because "someone at school might find out he had to ask a question, and then they'll think he's dumb." He is fixated on people thinking he is dumb. Unfortunately, by not asking key questions, he's been missing some kind of fundamental concepts lately, and that's turning into him actually getting things wrong. We're doing our best to convince him that the house is a safe place and we can always ask us if he has a question, and that it's our responsibility as grownups to make sure he has the support and resources he needs to be successful. We would like to trust him when we ask if he's doing what he's supposed to, but if it comes back that he's only telling us what we want to hear and not actually trying his hardest (which would include using outside resources when necessary), then it's going to be a problem... and that's where we're at now. What's also tricky is that this is a change from the beginning of the year; he was more on the ball at that point. Nothing has changed for him personally, but he's seen other kids turn on the kids who are asking questions and is petrified of that happening to him. I say petrified almost literally; he would rather do absolutely nothing and sit there frozen than risk having someone think for a second that he doesn't know what's going on. What's crazy is that one of the now 'dumb' kids is a friend of his, and he admits that his friend is really smart (and does assignments better/faster than he does)... but that's not enough to convince him that smart kids have to ask questions, too.
We're kind of stuck. Does anyone have any experience with this kind of situation, or recall anything from their own childhood about how they worked through some of these fears? Any help appreciated.