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Asking Her Dad's Permission

awakeandready said:
I agree with the bolded and don't think PhDeacs is always the case. My dad and I have a good relationship, he's very involved in my life, and my parents paid for the wedding. It just wasn't really a tradition that anyone in my family feels strongly about. Actually, HTTD is probably the one that felt most inclined to do it but I told him not to.
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That doesn't mean it was inappropriate, just that you didn't want him to do it. Big difference in my opinion.
 
I did not ask for her dad's permission. She called her mom the morning after I proposed....and that was that. 15 mos later we were married.
 
PhDeac said:
That doesn't mean it was inappropriate, just that you didn't want him to do it. Big difference in my opinion.
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I don't think it would have been inappropriate, just not really our style. Like I said, it just isn't something my dad was looking for or expected or anyone cared about. I also kind of liked that we were able to surprise my parents (as much as you can surprise people who already thought you were engaged). My parents decided to get married when they did because they wanted to do the peace corps together - they just aren't really traditional.
 
I called her parents and asked them to lunch (without my future wife). We had been dating a pretty good while and in our late 20's, so they knew the score. Only hitch was my future MIL brought her freaking video camera to tape it me asking them.
 
mrs rubbins dad called me and asked if i would marry his daughter. at first i was like hell 2 da naw she cray ugly! but then he said no, the other one. and she was hot so we started dating and got married. it was a different world back then.
 
timthedeac said:
I've always gotten along well with my FIL so I wasn't nervous. But around the time when I wanted to propose, there wasn't a good chance to see him in person, so I called him up, knowing that neither of us are big phone talkers. The call was literally less than a minute. I looked down after we hung up and it was something like a 51 second call. But he was cool with it.
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This was like mine, except I actually asked his permission/blessing after I had asked my wife to marry me. We went hiking near Brevard the day i proposed and on the way back (post-proposal), I called her dad with my wife in the car. We talked for about a minute and he gave us his blessing.

Similarly to RD, we went and saw my then 87 year old grandmother on the way out of town to go hiking, We were sitting:

grandmother[chair] [couch]----wife----me-----[/couch].

Mid sentence of telling us a story, my grandmother leans over my wife and asks in a whisper/shout, "Did you give her the ring yet?"
 
awakeandready said:
I don't think it would have been inappropriate, just not really our style. Like I said, it just isn't something my dad was looking for or expected or anyone cared about. I also kind of liked that we were able to surprise my parents (as much as you can surprise people who already thought you were engaged). My parents decided to get married when they did because they wanted to do the peace corps together - they just aren't really traditional.
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Yeah. I think the guy should have an idea of what she wants in terms of permission and proposing. I proposed to my wife in private. That's what she wanted. My best friend proposed last month on a trip to CA during dinner with her two best friends that he coordinated with her best friends' husbands. That's what she wanted.

My little sister's fiancee asked my dad for permission and called me the day of to give me a heads up and talk about it. My sister and I are very close. I thought that was a nice gesture and something I'm sure she appreciated.
 
I didn't ask anyone's permission. I proposed, then we were engaged, then we told our respective parents.
 
My mom's mom died after a battle with cancer when my parents were dating but they knew they were getting hitched.

My dads mom wrote her a letter in which she let her know that her daughter would always be taken care of.

When my parents got hitched my mom wasn't comfortable calling my grandmother mom but didn't want to just call her Mrs. [DeaconCav] so my grandmother told her to call her MIL. Everybody that married into my family ended up doing that.
 
I got the sense that my wife wanted me to at least make the effort if I was going to ask her to marry me, so I just called my future father-in-law in the middle of a workday. Now my father-in-law is a great guy: laid back and easy to talk to, and I think we have very similar personalities. The problem is, we don't really have ANY similar interests. He is an accomplished chemist who doesn't follow sports and watches FOX news. I took astronomy at Wake, am a business consultant, and watch sports religiously. So when I called, I had nothing. I asked him about the weather. The freaking weather. Then after a five second conversation about the weather, I just got right to the point. He was good about it, though I don't think he was expecting it (my mother-in-law did though)
 
lbE08 said:
lol, RD that's terrible. 'shes a handful'... i wonder where she got that from!
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Indeed. There were even more horrible jokes about it later... And then her parents get all butthurt when they think she's not treating them respectfully. Two way street people! :)
 
Manifest Destiny said:
Im actually thinking about doing this next month. Pretty nervous about it but I think her Dad will try to be super cool and shotgun a beer or something which could be fun. Here goes nothin.
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Holy shit, for some reason I saw your avatar and thought it was ELC and damn near fell out of my chair.
 
I talked to both her parents at the same time one morning before breakfast while the future Mrs. Say Hey was getting ready. I don't think I flat out ASKED them so much as just sort of told them that I had bought a ring and was planning to ask her and I was hoping they would approve. They were definitely appreciative and it was a nice moment with them.
 
I got a lecture on how we should wait for 2 years before getting married. (We'd been dating for 5). I wasn't sure if I was going to get permission, so stated it as a fact and asked for his blessing. Got it after a good hour of getting grilled.
 
TBDeac said:
I got a lecture on how we should wait for 2 years before getting married. (We'd been dating for 5). I wasn't sure if I was going to get permission, so stated it as a fact and asked for his blessing. Got it after a good hour of getting grilled.
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good grief. grilled on what?
 
My FIL is the stereotypical ball-busting 30-year NYC firefighter. He retired a few months after 9/11 and moved to Florida, and about that time I was in my second year of law school in NC, so I called him on the phone. I got to the point pretty quick, and without missing a beat he launched into "You sorry sack of shit, you have the nerve to ask me for my daughter's hand in marriage and you don't even have the balls to get down here and ask me in person? Fuck you, asshole. The answer is fuck no." Then he hung up. About 30 seconds later he called back hysterically laughing while her mom was screaming at him for being a such a douchebag and not taking anything seriously.
 
...how did you feel for those 30 seconds?
 
2&2 Slider To Leyritz said:
My FIL is the stereotypical ball-busting 30-year NYC firefighter. He retired a few months after 9/11 and moved to Florida, and about that time I was in my second year of law school in NC, so I called him on the phone. I got to the point pretty quick, and without missing a beat he launched into "You sorry sack of shit, you have the nerve to ask me for my daughter's hand in marriage and you don't even have the balls to get down here and ask me in person? Fuck you, asshole. The answer is fuck no." Then he hung up. About 30 seconds later he called back hysterically laughing while her mom was screaming at him for being a such a douchebag and not taking anything seriously.
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That's awesome. One of my parents told my husband no and they were dead serious. The other one said yes (excitedly).
 
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