Good business expressions

[Kory]

never heard “closest shark to the boat” outside these here boards either

p sure rsf made this one up

 

[inspectah]

I love those corporate-speak glossaries that circulate every now and then but it's been a while since I've seen one.

I can't stand "in this space" - I want to punch every person who says it
I can't stand "thought leadership" - this is so pretentious and Orwellian and nobody--NOBODY--is impressed by it
I can't stand "mission critical" - like we're a bunch of fucking astronauts?
I can't stand "tools in our toolkit" - I think again and again of Tim Allen

I could go on. . . .

 

[Kent]

"Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here."

All the others are less clever ways of saying the same thing.

 

[PhDeac]

I don’t know how you all tolerate corporate culture. Just reading this thread of inane sayings drains my life force.

 

[deacdiggler]

Agree that "pivot" is by far the worst. Other bad ones:

circle back
baked in
talk about this offline
leverage
this is your tea party

"maternity leave"

 

[dartsndeacs]

I love those corporate-speak glossaries that circulate every now and then but it's been a while since I've seen one.

I can't stand "in this space" - I want to punch every person who says it
I can't stand "thought leadership" - this is so pretentious and Orwellian and nobody--NOBODY--is impressed by it
I can't stand "mission critical" - like we're a bunch of fucking astronauts?
I can't stand "tools in our toolkit" - I think again and again of Tim Allen

I could go on. . . .

Yah these are brutal

 

[DownEastDeac]

Upon being informed of an upcoming visit from a very difficult international customer, my former boss/owner of a billion $$ global biz: "I'd rather jack my dick with sandpaper than meet with that asshole".

 

[rawarr]

God how did I forget “LASER FOCUSED”

 

[WindyCityDeac]

Is your commit for the quarter “dick in the drawer”?

Heard it every sales call for 2 years. Was a favorite of Senior VP of Sales

 

[WFcatamount22]

I have never heard anyone say, “let’s double click this”

 

[deacdiggler]

TIL that 2&2 was a VP of sales

 

[deacdiggler]

I have never heard anyone say, “let’s double click this”

huh, knight's mom says it a lot

 

[WFcatamount22]

Agree that "pivot" is by far the worst. Other bad ones:

circle back
baked in
talk about this offline
leverage
this is your tea party

“Let’s talk about this offline” is essential office speak. It’s the nice way of saying shut the fuck up you’re derailing the meeting.

Only meeting derailers wouldn’t like it

 

[BarcaDeac]

God how did I forget “LASER FOCUSED”

That’s a business term? I hear that all the time IRL.

 

[WRS]

I have never heard anyone say, “let’s double click this”

I pray you never have to sir.

 

[WRS]

I don’t know how you all tolerate corporate culture. Just reading this thread of inane sayings drains my life force.

They give me money and I use it to pay my bills.

 

[deacdiggler]

I suspect academia has its own inane sayings, but they're longer winded.

 

[Demonwolverine]

These may venture into pet peeve territory but:

Saying “knock on wood”.

“Everyone’s name is ‘someone’, so when I say ‘someone needs to fix X’, that’s you.”

I work in tech, so pretty much any acronym that isn’t VERY well known, such as AWS or it’s products.

 

[DeacHead]

I could fill this thread up but my nails on a chalkboard phrase is "On a go-forward basis"

Do you mean in the frikkin' future, or "from now on"? because that's how non-corp drones would say it.

 

[WindyCityDeac]

These may venture into pet peeve territory but:

Saying “knock on wood”.

“Everyone’s name is ‘someone’, so when I say ‘someone needs to fix X’, that’s you.”

I work in tech, so pretty much any acronym that isn’t VERY well known, such as AWS or it’s products.

I can’t tell you how many times a week I talk about a “holistic approach to digital transformation”. I truly hate myself every time I say it