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Hookup Mishap Stories

If dv7 was ever going to ban someone ....


getsomeDEACinya said:
okkkkkk....here is mine (and DV7s)

Our first year of dating DV7 and I were wild and crazy. Partying every night...getting into adventures and whatnot. One night we go to this terrible bar in Charlotte called Five Steps...this is not a classy establishment whatsoever but the drinks are cheap and there are pool tables. We had come to this bar with some friends and were beyond drunk before even arriving. After a few shots...a girl sits next to me at the bar and since i was drunk and overly friendly I ordered DV7 to buy her a shot immediately. So I start talking to this chick and she is awesome...lots of tattoos and piercings, funny, and just looks DTF. SO I say to her after about 5 or 6 more shots..."I'm going to take you home with me and we are both going to have sex with my boyfriend" I figured DV7 would be thrilled so i run to tell him she is totally down with the idea when I realize he is stupid wasted drunk. I tell him "we are going to have a threesome!!!!" about 5 times before it even registers in his brain what I am saying. His response was "She's going to let me?"

so anyways...we drop a friend off when DV7 realizes we have no beer at home so he go into this friends house and steals a bottle of tequilla of all things. I mean mean legitimately stole...he came out with it under his shirt and upon making it to the drive way hold the bottle over his head like he is the champion of all sneaky drunks.

we get home and he pours himself a drink...tequilla and coke. pours our new lady friend a drink. They took a shot. and another. And I'm sitting int he living room watching the shit show going on in the kitchen thinking to myself "what an idiot he is..." SO her faces gets weird...and I'm like "oh fuck what is he saying to her?" I walk in and all I hear is him slurring over his words trying to tell her how pretty she is and how cool it is that we were going to have a threesome.

welp, it didn't happen.

the.end.
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Stonz has a great story about himself, a 300 pounder, bottle of absinthe, freight train, flock of young geese, and crate of butter.

I'll let him tell it.
 
I completely fucked up that situation. I don't remember the tequilla drinks at all. Nor do I remember slurringly hitting on this chick. I barely remember what she looks like.

Look, I just don't want to talk about it anymore, ok?
 
how about we all talk about that time dv7 blew his chance at a threesome again. That was a great story, right guys?
 
EatLeadCommie said:
(1) The Tale Of Senorita Leche. I'm not sure I've told it in all its full glory on the boards yet. It is definitely my best story. I will post it later in its unsanitized version if I haven't told it.
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Isn't that the story where breast milk was somehow involved? :p
 
Short story: I was going to hookup with a girl until she got really drunk and pissed in my kitchen sink. Who does that? I mean, sure you've got to pee and someone is in the bathroom but I didn't know my place is now a Huddle House.
 
(I cut out most of the back-stories with my posts)

We were having a party at my house at Wake, everyone is having a good time. This girl and I were making out a little and about to go to my room. Well we get there and then some drunk girl comes busting in right after us (before the door was locked) and proceeds to puke on my floor. Nothing says romance like the smell of fresh vomit on your floor.
 
So this girl asked me if I wanted to come over and watch a movie with her. I proceeded to come over and she told me to pick out a movie. Being an idiot at the time and not knowing that watching a movie was code for something else, I chose Blackhawk Down. That movie really set the mood. Luckily she took control of the situation and vetoed that crap really quickly.
 
myDeaconmyhand said:
Facepalm

Jesus that's funny. My stories are pretty lamesauce compared to the epic wins so far on this thread. I was drinking with some friends in Huffman one night and after shot gunning a few too many I went into the bathroom to yak. A girl I had been crushing on follows me in, and proceeds to violently make out with me while I'm desperately trying not to vom in her mouth. I was pretty black out at that point, so I don't remember how it ended, but she told me I didn't puke.

Another time I went to Franklin Street with some friends on the night of the UNC-Duke game, and went to this bar/club called East End. One of the friends was an army guy from the 82nd who was in town for the weekend, and he bought us all rounds of 151 :)tard:) We comically start grinding on everything that moves upstairs like the my new haircut video, and this Indian chick I'm dancing with pulls up her skirt and tells me to finger her on the dance floor. It's getting pretty heated, but being the pervert I am, I smell my finger and it smells like death and cabbage: Immediate boner killer. Upon review from my less drunk friends, the girl was a 5 at best and I made the right move getting out.
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:sick:
 
weird hookup moment - realizing the guy you're with has removed some of his teeth. granted he played minor league hockey so there is an excuse but still. weird.
 
deacvision7 said:
I don't like you right now.
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Hey man, we're in a fantasy soccer league together. If I get in your head, you won't manage your team as well and then I'll have a better chance at winning. :thumbsup:
 
I have a death and cabbage story (who doesn't?). Some plump girl decided to plop herself down in my bed when it was time to go to sleep. I told her, "I'm going to sleep," but she kind of insisted on staying there. So she started rubbing on me and kissing and stuff so I thought WTF I haven't been laid in a while. Let's see where this goes. I started sucking face and the first thing I noticed was that she had a bit of an invisible mustache that one could only notice while kissing. I eventually got my hand down her drawers and she said, "I don't think we should go there." I complied and turned over and went to sleep. I could smell my hand but was tired and figured I'd just sleep and wash it in the morning. The next day I washed my hand and it still stunk. I took a shower and it still stunk. I grabbed some Lava soap to try and wash off whatever invisible vaginal grit was on there and that didn't work. I swear my hand stank for about 4 days before the stench finally went away. It was a bit uncomfortable in the future whenever I'd run into her.
 
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