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The Pit Parenting Thread

Louis Gossett Jr said:
Show them what it's like to actually be poor because you lack education. That means serious manual labor, make it for free since you are paying for everything else already, food options should be canned or wic approved, etc... hell turn off the water in their bathroom, too poor to pay the water bill. Your biggest problem will be the enabler of nothing is wrong ex wife.
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LOL...my new wife suggested the same.

When they are grounded they don't get to eat the good meals - they get PB&J sandwiches and apples. That will be a feature of the summer plan.

I may let them go to summer camp just to give all the parents a break - I'm not canceling my trip to Europe over this - but I think the messaging will be something along the lines of "this is your summer vacation now that you have a full time job - welcome to the real world."
 
ImTheCaptain said:
i don't think seeing dad in an AC'd office would be super helpful

maybe seeing a manager/boss in the office. i think seeing dad might ramp up the resentment meter
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I will be downtown working. I'm thinking of giving them a list of work to do. If I come home and it's done properly, they can sleep inside that night and have a good meal. If not, PB&J and sweat in the tent all night.
 
man, tough situation when you have to deal with an ex who's on a different planet. hope they get straightened out.
 
Tell them you're going to send them to Garinger HS if they don't straighten up.

#scaredstraight
 
The problem with military school is they teach the kids how to shoot things with rifles.
 
"I'm not going to MOVE to get you out of Garinger if you're going to just get D's and end up at CPCC anyway."
 
DeacDiggler said:
i am convinced that the lack of memory is an important part of our biological evolutionary functioning. If you could remember what it's like to have a newborn, you might not do it again.
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My wife is experiencing this after adopting a 1 year old dog despite all my reminders of how much of a pain our last dog was at that age.
 
If they're going in to high school, they need to understand that your ENTIRE high school transcript is what gets sent to colleges, if they don't already.
You may also be in a situation where you have to actually reward the good behavior, not so much punish for bad. I know this sucks when you're trying to instill that something is EXPECTED, but at the very least, words can make a difference. Bad grades = "I'm disappointed because I know you are smart and capable and can do better. This is unacceptable, and you will lose __ privilege if you don't improve from here." Good/improved grades = "I'm so proud of you!"

Manual labor is great and all... but as someone who had to do yardwork despite getting straight As, I don't know if the connection is necessarily there. You did yardwork because you're a capable member of the household.
They need a situation where they have to be responsible for themselves. If you do go the 'mowing for neighbors' route, they need to have set schedules of when they are expected to do it. If they are to mow for the Smiths at 10:00am, they do not get paid if they show up at 10:15.
 
riscdeac said:
Middle school grades won't follow on transcript to college so that's good.

On the lighter side without knowing you -

How were their grades during the course of the school year and in general through middle school. Struggling in math and providing a tutor is good. They are getting the extra help.

Without knowing your personal situation, it could be a sever case of spring fever, lazy, I can get away with this, I'm outta this school soon syndrome. Last quarter, fed up with middle school and simply don't care.

The teachers should have been sending emails to mom and/or dad as soon as a couple of assignments were missing. Quizzes and test scores not good? Again, blow the first two tests or quizzes, parents notified.

I'm not pinning anything on parents. Obviously by mid quarter some action should have been taken.

I'm hoping the twins have the I don't care I can get away with this syndrome and it's not the usual.

At 14 the grounding and punishment stuff works to a certain extent but serious behavior change doesn't work by time outs. Not at that age. Seems like a long summer ahead.

The military school threat sounds like a good idea to me. There's a lot more freedom in high school and they need to learn to be more disciplined in responsibility in getting their homework completed and handed in on time. The Tudor is a trade off. Parent is making the effort to get them extra help. Tell them YOU are shelling out extra money to help them and it's time for them to put in extra effort. Fair is fair. Nothing wrong with telling them they have to man up they are wasting your money and someone else's time.

Follow through in a loving fashion with military school threat Tell them you realize they would be much better off. You're concerned that high school will be too difficult and they probably won't like it because it's an extension of middle school with the same methods. They weren't doing the work required and nobody seemed to care at school and high school work is harder and less time management by teachers.

Even if youre not really sending them, instead of hard labor, seriously look at the private schools WITH THEM no matter how much they resist. Keep telling them it's a positive thing and bring them to every school within a reasonable proximity.

In other words, if they have the lazy I can get away with it spring syndrome, scare the crap out of them.

If I'm way off track here I apologize. Good advice for someone else maybe.
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all seems like good advice to me! Thank you.
 
ChicdeaC said:
If you have the time read some of the papers on how they think it regulates their breathing/teachers their bodies about sleep cycles, it's fascinating.

We kept E in our room until 6 months, S was 8 and P was 9 or 10 but that was because we had to get S out of the crib before we could move her.

I like 5 -6 age a lot, but E and I also are super alike and butt heads often. He is just a brat sometimes. S at 3 is actually pretty amazing (except he's being forced to nap at school and so doesn't want to go to bed until midnight or so). P is starting to get independent, that will be nice but she's our best sleeper by far.
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It seems like that 1 year recommendation is fairly flimsy, and a new study suggests kids sleep better when they are in their own room by 4 months.

http://theincidentaleconomist.com/wordpress/new-study-doesnt-support-aap-guidelines-on-infant-room-sharing/
 
Yeah, get that kid out of your room as quickly as possible. 12 Hours of Sleep by 12 Weeks is a guidebook. Read it. Learn it. Live it.
 
BiffTannen said:
Yeah, get that kid out of your room as quickly as possible. 12 Hours of Sleep by 12 Weeks is a guidebook. Read it. Learn it. Live it.
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Yeah that's the book we have. Can't really start doing any of it until like 6-8 weeks I think. Have to suffer through for now.
 
Good. Our daughter is 3.5 mos and is sleeping long stretches like 50% of the nights now so I think it's about time to do the shift to her own room.
 
tiltdeac said:
It seems like that 1 year recommendation is fairly flimsy, and a new study suggests kids sleep better when they are in their own room by 4 months.

http://theincidentaleconomist.com/wordpress/new-study-doesnt-support-aap-guidelines-on-infant-room-sharing/
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I haven't had a chance to read the article in depth but have had a few issues with this study being help up against the AAP guidelines. First, as I read them the AAP guidelines aren't about "sleeping better" but instead about SIDS prevention. Second, I believe the results in this study are self reported by the parents so they may just not be as in tune to wake ups if the child is in a different room. Third, the effect was ~40 more minutes (again, self reported) which.. sure I guess is worth it if true. Finally, I can't easily find a description of the sample group but another article I read mentioned that it was mostly higher income, Caucasian dyads.

I also think it could be the effect of consistent bedtime routine + bed by 8pm that is more likely among the early independent sleepers that the article talks about.

So ultimately maybe the authors don't think there is enough research to support the one year recommendation, but this article isn't enough to convince me otherwise.
 
ImTheCaptain said:
man, tough situation when you have to deal with an ex who's on a different planet. hope they get straightened out.
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update: ex-mrs-digg got on board with my plan when we talked last night. Kids have extra math tutoring this summer, and will be required to do 2-4 hours of jobs every weekday for us or neighbors or service. If they do them, they get good meals and beds; if not they sleep outside in a tent and eat PB&Js.

if they do well, they can still go to summer camp, etc.

Thanks again to all for the backup....this is tough.
 
I'm curious what the follow-through will be next school year; any plans for addressing that as the year goes on? Laying out expectations and consequences ahead of time?

eta: good luck!!
 
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