Do you eat alone with the opposite sex?

[lbE08]

We have discussed it and we apply it both ways.

To be fair, I cheated on my first wife and this is a way to help my current wife know that I won't do that again. I didn't have this rule the first time around, but I think it's wise.

this is fair.

Personally, I think pretty much anything that comes up during the workday is fair game/acceptable (coffee, lunch).
If I'm going out after work it's either pre-planned and PM (or any SO up to this point) knows about it, or if it's last minute I can shoot a text and let him know/invite him.

I don't have any real qualms about dinners or anything else with someone of the opposite sex - especially if it's a friend visiting from out of town or something - but at this point most everyone is married and I'd almost rather have the SO's around because I like them, too.

this is all in relation to food things - I've always ridden bikes with men and have no issue with that at all.

 

[TheTwinAndreBen]

We have discussed it and we apply it both ways.

To be fair, I cheated on my first wife and this is a way to help my current wife know that I won't do that again. I didn't have this rule the first time around, but I think it's wise.

So you told your second wife that your first marriage failed bc you cheated?


Smooth move, Ex-Lax.

 

[Louis Gossett Jr]

this is all in relation to food things - I've always ridden bikes with men and have no issue with that at all.

Somewhere Jason shakes his head.

 

[Deacsfan27]

2and2 is so fucking stupid. Jesus Christ.

How can somebody be wrong, so often, about such a wide variety of things? It's amazing.

 

[Say Hey Deac]

 

[Wakeforest22890]

It must be sad to live a life where either you trust yourself so little, or your partner trusts you so little, that you can't be trusted to eat a meal with someone of the opposite sex alone. I mean that sincerely.

 

[Wakeforest22890]

I eat lunch almost every day with a single coworker who is female. Nothing about it is uncomfortable. I don't care. My girlfriend doesn't care. The coworker doesn't seem to care. Similarly, my girlfriend works in an industry heavily dominated by males (probably 80 or 90 percent male) and works for a company where she's the only woman employed. She eats lunch every day with male coworkers, frequently on a one-on-one basis.

Maybe this whole Pence issue raises why I don't understand where a lot of conservatives are coming from with their social policies: I literally don't understand the basis from where they're coming from.

 

[deacdiggler]

It must be sad to live a life where either you trust yourself so little, or your partner trusts you so little, that you can't be trusted to eat a meal with someone of the opposite sex alone. I mean that sincerely.

since you mean that sincerely, I'll offer a sincere response. I know my personal weaknesses and history, and so it's not the least bit sad for me to "manage" temptation in this way. If your friend is obese and trying to lose weight, would you think it's sad that he won't accompany you into Baskin Robbins? If your friend is an alcoholic, would you say it's sad that he won't go to a bar? Or would you applaud the self control and respect that he is managing his own demons?

 

[ImTheCaptain]

I eat lunch almost every day with a single coworker who is female. Nothing about it is uncomfortable. I don't care. My girlfriend doesn't care. The coworker doesn't seem to care. Similarly, my girlfriend works in an industry heavily dominated by males (probably 80 or 90 percent male) and works for a company where she's the only woman employed. She eats lunch every day with male coworkers, frequently on a one-on-one basis.

Maybe this whole Pence issue raises why I don't understand where a lot of conservatives are coming from with their social policies: I literally don't understand the basis from where they're coming from.

How Mike Pence's Marriage Became Fodder for the Culture Wars
Outrage over the vice president's approach to marriage reveals how deeply gender divides American culture.

Some folks—mostly journalists and entertainers on Twitter—have reacted with surprise, anger, and sarcasm to the Pence family rule. Socially liberal or non-religious people may see Pence’s practice as misogynistic or bizarre. For a lot of conservative religious people, though, this set-up probably sounds normal, or even wise. The dust-up shows how radically notions of gender divide American culture.

 

[Brangus]

I eat lunch almost every day with a single coworker who is female. Nothing about it is uncomfortable. I don't care. My girlfriend doesn't care. The coworker doesn't seem to care. Similarly, my girlfriend works in an industry heavily dominated by males (probably 80 or 90 percent male) and works for a company where she's the only woman employed. She eats lunch every day with male coworkers, frequently on a one-on-one basis.

Maybe this whole Pence issue raises why I don't understand where a lot of conservatives are coming from with their social policies: I literally don't understand the basis from where they're coming from.

The unmarried guys (and girls) don't really have any perspective on this, unless they've been partnered for 5-10 years or something. You've been dating someone for 6-18 months? WGAF. Go bang.

Marriage (or some other form of recognized long term commitment) is different. Boundaries actually make things more comfortable as they remove certain conversation topics and prevent misunderstandings as well as rumors/gossip. I don't give a crap if my wife has lunch or dinner with a male business generation prospect or an old friend as long as it's in a public, highly visible business type joint or a commerce club. A little restaurant tucked away from the normal circuit? No way. Same rules for me with women. Works great.






Still love Sunday mornings btw, and Friday nights have gotten interesting for those keeping score.

 

[HailToTheDeacons]

#BangBus sighting!

 

[lbE08]

Somewhere Jason shakes his head.

I said I have no issue with it/don't see an issue with it.

 

[RedSoxFaithful]

since you mean that sincerely, I'll offer a sincere response. I know my personal weaknesses and history, and so it's not the least bit sad for me to "manage" temptation in this way. If your friend is obese and trying to lose weight, would you think it's sad that he won't accompany you into Baskin Robbins? If your friend is an alcoholic, would you say it's sad that he won't go to a bar? Or would you applaud the self control and respect that he is managing his own demons?

This is a genuinely strange response, though. You're comparing eating meals with female friends to an addiction you need to curb? When did this become about "managing temptation"? You don't need to try to fuck every person you eat food with.

 

[myDeaconmyhand]

Conservatives are crazy scared of penises, especially their own penises.

 

[ImTheCaptain]

This is a genuinely strange response, though. You're comparing eating meals with female friends to an addiction you need to curb? When did this become about "managing temptation"? You don't need to try to fuck every person you eat food with.

kinda harsh take on a guy dealing with his own demons

 

[lbE08]

since you mean that sincerely, I'll offer a sincere response. I know my personal weaknesses and history, and so it's not the least bit sad for me to "manage" temptation in this way. If your friend is obese and trying to lose weight, would you think it's sad that he won't accompany you into Baskin Robbins? If your friend is an alcoholic, would you say it's sad that he won't go to a bar? Or would you applaud the self control and respect that he is managing his own demons?

This is a good response.

I also like Brangus's take: keep it public.

 

[Demonwolverine]

"For a lot of conservative religious people, though, this set-up probably sounds normal, or even wise. "

You mean the same conservative, religious majority that voted for a sexual assaulting, 3 times divorced narcissist? I think I've had about all hypocrisy I can stand from those people.

If you truly thought that you couldn't control yourself given certain scenarios, then it would stand to reason that those who put themselves in those scenarios are doing so intentionally and carelessly. Like an alcoholic going to a bar. If Pence admitted that he has personal control issues, I would respect him infinitely more for his decisions. But he doesn't do that. Instead he pretends he is holier-than-thou because he isn't giving in to temptations that the vast majority of people don't attribute to circumstance.

 

[deacdiggler]

I eat lunch almost every day with a single coworker who is female. Nothing about it is uncomfortable. I don't care. My girlfriend doesn't care. The coworker doesn't seem to care. Similarly, my girlfriend works in an industry heavily dominated by males (probably 80 or 90 percent male) and works for a company where she's the only woman employed. She eats lunch every day with male coworkers, frequently on a one-on-one basis.

Maybe this whole Pence issue raises why I don't understand where a lot of conservatives are coming from with their social policies: I literally don't understand the basis from where they're coming from.

Suppose, hypothetically, that your coworker is hot. You haven't ever cheated on anyone, I take it, and you seem to consider it unlikely. So did I. But at some point, when you hang out with someone enough, attraction will start to build. Don't worry - you have it under control and you're never going to ACT on it. Perhaps one evening you're out of town for work, and you and some other coworkers go out for drinks. Around midnight you head back to the hotel and your hot friend kisses you. You push back and remind her that you're with someone else, but....wow. That was hot. It's nice to feel that spark, that excitement. How long has it been since you and your wife had sex? A few weeks? A month maybe? Your kids have been REALLY demanding lately, and by the time they are in bed your wife is so tired that she can't think of having sex. And here's someone who WANTS you, right now. No one ever needs to know. You're drunk, horny, and feeling unappreciated.

No chance you'd make a bad choice there? If the answer is that you might, you can start to back it up to find a way to head it off. Perhaps you just don't drink on work trips. Perhaps you don't go out with coworkers. Whatever you come up with is your business, but it's not sad to have thought it out and planned to avoid temptation.

 

[lbE08]

This is a genuinely strange response, though. You're comparing eating meals with female friends to an addiction you need to curb? When did this become about "managing temptation"? You don't need to try to fuck every person you eat food with.

That's a pretty extreme statement and I don't think that's at all what he thinks, either. He's not saying he's a sexaholic, he's saying he doesn't want to put himself into situations where he might be tempted to spend more time with someone and possibly have it develop into more than friends (be it physically or emotionally). If you're putting yourself into situations where you're having private, one-on-one conversations in intimate settings with someone you obviously like (because you're friends), you are opening the door for it to turn into more.

 

[Wakeforest22890]

Yeah I'm not chiming in on person-by-person cases because I do think that sex addiction exists. That said, I also think most instances of infidelity aren't based in being addicted to sex though but it's obviously a case-by-case basis. I think the major distinction between an obese person eating or an alcoholic drinking is that it only requires one-party consent whereas actually cheating with your spouse in a sexual manner requires two-person consent (except the obvious sexual assault case). Not everyone you eat lunch or dinner with wants to hook up with you (even if you want to hook up with them). Reminds me of the people who are uncomfortable around homosexuals because "what if they want me?" Just because you're gay doesn't mean you want to hook up with every person that is the sex you're interested in.

I think it's admirable when you know your own inner demons and try to avoid situations that will jeopardize an otherwise happy marriage, it just doesn't fit the bill for me at all. Which is fine. Different strokes for different folks.