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Hookup Mishap Stories

Baconwfu said:
The girls need to step up to bat
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i actually did just write the names on my "list" on a little sticky note here at work to jog my memory, but none of them really have any 'mishap' stories that go with them. there are a couple epic tales, but not really fit for this thread. or my dignity.
 
DeaconCav06 said:
I saw plenty of girls make out with each other. What's the big deal? One of my Exes had her friends make out with me to show off my skillz.
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Go get a Playgirl and shut the fuck up. I want some hot lesbo literature here. Penthouse forum shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!! Baby wants to fuck Blue Velvet.
 
One of my favs from Wake doesn't involve me, but rather a friend who doesn't post on here. But since he involved me in his crazy, I'm going to share. We'll call him "Jabroni".

So we were hosting a pretty decent party in our suite in Polo (406 represent!) senior year. Somehow it was put on the social calendar of one of the sororities (no idea how or which one) and all of the sudden we have a bunch of drunk frosh chicks in our place. So I'm hanging out with this one girl that I kinda knew and Jabroni was macking HARD on her little "sister". He then threw out his signature move: "So, do you want to come upstairs and see my hamster?" And goddamnit if it didn't fucking work (and he did actually have a hamster. So Jabroni takes her into the room and they get naked. Meanwhile, I'm chilling on the couch downstairs hanging out with a bunch of people, including the big "sister," and the phone rings and it's Jabroni. Jabroni tells me that I have to come up to his room ASAP because "this drunk bitch just passed out with my dick in her mouth." So, I excuse myself and go upstairs and yup, drunk bitch on his cock. Why he didn't just push her off I'll never really know (he said that her teeth were hutring his junk, but I think he secretely wanted a witness to confirm that this indeed happened), but we pull her off and roll her aside. Jabroni then proceeds to run, butt ass nekid across the hall into my room, shuts the door and locks himself in. I knock on my door to get him to let me in, and I hear this voice behind me asking where Jabroni is. I turn around and drunk girl is posing in Jabroni's doorway, trying to look all sexy and stuff (still, butt ass nekid). She wants me to get Jabroni so they can get back to business. All I hear is Jabroni yelling through my bedroom door to get her out. She's so drunk she doesn't really know what's going on. So I yell downstairs for big sister to come up and she surveys the scene and finds it all pretty amusing, though sad at the same time. So we try and get drunk girl to put some clothes on, which is no easy feat, as she desperately wants some good Jabroni-lovin', but we finally explain that it just isn't going to happen. Jabroni is still locked in my room yelling to get her out. So finally, me and the sisters go back down to the party and put drunk girl in a corner and we continue to hang out. There are still probably 50 or so people still there, so the party is still going strong. About ten minutes later, Jabroni comes down, mostly clothed, sees drunk girl and starts screaming, "All the drunk bitches got to go. Get the fuck out. That's right, all the fat drunk bitches got to get the fuck up out of here." While everyone recognized that he was drunk to quite drunk, that pretty much spoiled the mood and most people went on home, including, unfortunately, the chick I was hanging out with.
 
94Deac said:
Go get a Playgirl and shut the fuck up. I want some hot lesbo literature here. Penthouse forum shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!! Baby wants to fuck Blue Velvet.
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The more Blue Velvet references we can get on this board, the happier I will be.
 
Okay, I don't know what the fuck a tag is and don't really want to hear one of you snot-nosed, techno-geek, 20-something twats explain it.

But this one made me spill my damn drink:

94shootsginormousload
 
This thread should be archived solely as evidence of OG's superiority over DS.
 
94Deac said:
Okay, I don't know what the fuck a tag is and don't really want to hear one of you snot-nosed, techno-geek, 20-something twats explain it.

But this one made me spill my damn drink:

94shootsginormousload
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You need to jump on the tag train.
 
ellisat2 said:
I bet I know who that was. Damn theatre house parties...
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Yeah. Crazy shit went on at those parties. I had a lot of friends in that crowd and was amazed at the stuff I saw and heard about.
 
ellisat2 said:
I bet I know who that was. Damn theatre house parties...
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I'd say you've got a fairly good idea.

I mean summer after my sophomore year, my girlfriend tells me to make out with her friends, who am I to object? They all went to an all girls Catholic school.
 
Not really a mishap but a funny situation:

Sophomore year I hooked up with a girl who lived in Johnson involuntarily. I went home with her at about 3:30 am after a hard night of partying. The next morning I wake up, put on my clothes, and stumble out of her door still drunk and half awake. I decided to take the stairs down to the ground floor, and as I'm going down I run smack into a prospective student tour. The student leading the tour was in the middle of telling the parents and prospectives that this was the substance free dorm, and right on cue I come around the corner with my shirt half tucked in, my hair all messed up, wreaking of booze and smoke and looking like a zombie. They all kind of stared at me in silence for a beat and then I just shuffled aside to let them pass. Very awkward and hilarious moment.

God I miss college.
 
okkkkkk....here is mine (and DV7s)

Our first year of dating DV7 and I were wild and crazy. Partying every night...getting into adventures and whatnot. One night we go to this terrible bar in Charlotte called Five Steps...this is not a classy establishment whatsoever but the drinks are cheap and there are pool tables. We had come to this bar with some friends and were beyond drunk before even arriving. After a few shots...a girl sits next to me at the bar and since i was drunk and overly friendly I ordered DV7 to buy her a shot immediately. So I start talking to this chick and she is awesome...lots of tattoos and piercings, funny, and just looks DTF. SO I say to her after about 5 or 6 more shots..."I'm going to take you home with me and we are both going to have sex with my boyfriend" I figured DV7 would be thrilled so i run to tell him she is totally down with the idea when I realize he is stupid wasted drunk. I tell him "we are going to have a threesome!!!!" about 5 times before it even registers in his brain what I am saying. His response was "She's going to let me?"

so anyways...we drop a friend off when DV7 realizes we have no beer at home so he go into this friends house and steals a bottle of tequilla of all things. I mean mean legitimately stole...he came out with it under his shirt and upon making it to the drive way hold the bottle over his head like he is the champion of all sneaky drunks.

we get home and he pours himself a drink...tequilla and coke. pours our new lady friend a drink. They took a shot. and another. And I'm sitting int he living room watching the shit show going on in the kitchen thinking to myself "what an idiot he is..." SO her faces gets weird...and I'm like "oh fuck what is he saying to her?" I walk in and all I hear is him slurring over his words trying to tell her how pretty she is and how cool it is that we were going to have a threesome.

welp, it didn't happen.

the.end.
 
Go said:
Had a girl throw up on me once. Not pleasant.
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Threw up on a girl once. Scotch scotch scotch. Next morning was the NFL draft, and I was the most hungover I've ever been. But we drafted Jahvid Best, so...win.
 
Juice said:
early on my freshman year i was making out with this girl in her bed in bostwick. she kept on messing around with my junk but was too conservative to actually finish the job. This continued for multiple hours until I had concluded that it was an unworthy cause and left. However, on my way back to Palmer the blue balls got so bad that I ended up puking all over the bridge near the miller center.

:panda:
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picnic table
 
getsomeDEACinya said:
okkkkkk....here is mine (and DV7s)

Our first year of dating DV7 and I were wild and crazy. Partying every night...getting into adventures and whatnot. One night we go to this terrible bar in Charlotte called Five Steps...this is not a classy establishment whatsoever but the drinks are cheap and there are pool tables. We had come to this bar with some friends and were beyond drunk before even arriving. After a few shots...a girl sits next to me at the bar and since i was drunk and overly friendly I ordered DV7 to buy her a shot immediately. So I start talking to this chick and she is awesome...lots of tattoos and piercings, funny, and just looks DTF. SO I say to her after about 5 or 6 more shots..."I'm going to take you home with me and we are both going to have sex with my boyfriend" I figured DV7 would be thrilled so i run to tell him she is totally down with the idea when I realize he is stupid wasted drunk. I tell him "we are going to have a threesome!!!!" about 5 times before it even registers in his brain what I am saying. His response was "She's going to let me?"

so anyways...we drop a friend off when DV7 realizes we have no beer at home so he go into this friends house and steals a bottle of tequilla of all things. I mean mean legitimately stole...he came out with it under his shirt and upon making it to the drive way hold the bottle over his head like he is the champion of all sneaky drunks.

we get home and he pours himself a drink...tequilla and coke. pours our new lady friend a drink. They took a shot. and another. And I'm sitting int he living room watching the shit show going on in the kitchen thinking to myself "what an idiot he is..." SO her faces gets weird...and I'm like "oh fuck what is he saying to her?" I walk in and all I hear is him slurring over his words trying to tell her how pretty she is and how cool it is that we were going to have a threesome.

welp, it didn't happen.

the.end.
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damn dude, you gotta let your lady work that situation until your participation is appropriate.

without a lot ton of background, towards the end of high school i had a friend who was a lady that was going to hook me up with two chicks that were dating but wanted to try a three-way. before we could work out the logistics one of the girls ended up moving or something, blah blah blah, so the joke was that the friend who was setting up the whole situation "owed me a threesome."

the next summer, i'm in a pretty serious relationship when she calls me and says something along the lines of "i'm over at [jane]'s house and her parents are gone for the weekend, we've had a few drinks, and we think it would be fun if you came over and make me you can collect on that thing i owe you." i turn it down, because i wasn't a d-bag. fail. especially considering the girl i was dating ended up cheating on me with a good friend.

i think two years later, over christmas break, i'm sitting in the airport waiting for a flight to chicago for training for an internship... she calls again with a similar proposal... fail again.
 
(1) The Tale Of Senorita Leche. I'm not sure I've told it in all its full glory on the boards yet. It is definitely my best story. I will post it later in its unsanitized version if I haven't told it.

(2) At the Testament-Priest-Motorhead-Heaven & Hell show a few years back, I was up on the lawn (this is the Vodkaplex in Dallas, for those who know the venue) watching the show and decide that I'm going to do sommersaults down the lawn and finish by doing one in-between this unsuspecting girl's straddled legs. Well, it was kind of a fail, but then I told her what I had intended to do, and we started talking. Her face was pretty wrecked, but the rest of her is do-able. So anyway, we enjoy Testament and most of Priest and start making out. It's getting hot and heavy and I start finger banging her beneath her skirt. It's riding higher and higher and since we're on a hill, it's pretty much fair game to look up the hill and see what's going on. There were probably a couple of snapshots taken (I took one earlier of a different girl with her tits hanging out and her box being allowed to "breathe"). So not much happened other than that other than I missed almost all of Motorhead and a good deal of Heaven & Hell due to making out. Dio died about a year and a half later. He sounded great that night. I did get her number and she came over a few times for some pretty good sex sessions. She was an enthusiastic BJ giver who liked her protein. She also had a weird thing about being insistent that I take a pic of her giving me a BJ. I complied, but waited until she was down on the hilt and did not include my face in any shots so it wouldn't be incriminating down the line when I run for President.

(3) I was at a friend's graduation party and her mom was there. At some point, I started making out with her mom and sucking her boobs and all that good stuff...right out in the middle of the bar. Though I apologized later to the friend, her response was similar to another story in this thread where she just blew it off and said, "That's ok, she really needed it." Met up with mom again a few more times and she gave the most magnificent BJ I have ever received or am ever likely to receive. She was 49 or 50 and had all her teeth.

(4) Was at a fraternity homecoming dance a few years after I graduated. One of the pledges had a date that I knew from my time there. She wasn't really into him, but was just kind of going with him to be nice I guess. Anyway, I started hooking up with her in the middle of the dance. He wasn't too pleased, but oh well. We got back to campus and there was nowhere to go. People were in the house, and she said that her roommate wouldn't be too happy if I went back with her. So we went to the classroom portion of Wait Chapel. The light was on to the classroom and I tried to open it, but it was locked. People were probably already banging in there. The only place I found that was open was the bathroom. So I took her in there and rawdogged her on the floor of that nasty bathroom.
 
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